I Still Feel Her
by foreverdaze
Summary: It's been four months since Caleb left Hanna and Rosewood behind, but now he's back, and Hanna doesn't know what to do. First ever fanfiction. Please review!
1. Chapter 1: Coming Home

**A/N: Hi all! This is my FIRST ever fanfiction. Hope you all enjoy and please review!**

**Thank you! -Natalie xo**

Her touch stills move my hair the smell is so faint but it must be the one  
my bones ache from the cold  
No one could predict that I would ever get this far (for so long)

-Emarosa- I Still Feel Her Part 1

It's been four months since they've seen each other. Four long months since that fateful night that broke them apart. Caleb remembers it like it was yesterday: her heart breaking tears, his silent ones, her endless questions, and him not giving back any answers. He knew he had broken her the moment he said he was leaving.

Now, it's the day he is returning from Ravenswood, and he couldn't be more nervous. He was so sure that Hanna wouldn't want to see him, that on the drive back he convinced himself to go back to his, instead of seeing her. In fact, if it was possible, Caleb didn't even want to see her, out of fear of having his heart smashed into even tinier pieces.

Instead, he took the turning for Rosewood, and headed straight to his apartment, just opposite the Brew.

Flicking off the engine, he sat motionless in the driver's seat, unable to get out of the car. It was dark outside, a starry night. It was a painful reminder of the first night he spent with Hanna, laying under the stars, just outside the tent.

Caleb shook free the memory, and ran his hand through his dark hair. What could he do now? He was no longer needed in Ravenswood, having set Miranda's spirit free and broken the curse, but he wasn't so sure that there was much left for him here either.

Hanna probably hated him, and had moved on. He broke her heart, and he knew that Spencer, Aria and Emily wouldn't be too forgiving either. He could go see Toby, but as Caleb glanced over to The Brew, he saw that Toby's apartment was dark, and his truck was gone. Maybe Lucas would be happy to see him, Caleb thought momentarily. Then he realised Lucas was a lost cause. He probably hated Caleb for breaking Hanna's heart as much as Spencer and the others did.

No, he would just go inside and unpack, he decided. But what was there to unpack? The night he went to Ravenswood he took a single backpack, and when he came back to Rosewood to say goodbye to Hanna, he took a single suitcase back with him. Caleb had honestly had no idea he would be staying in Ravenswood for so long. Four months. A lot can change.

At most, there were two bags to unpack, and that was it. He had always packed lightly, even from when he was in foster homes. It made for easier get aways, and he would often go on them.

He was stuck. Suddenly, coming back to Rosewood seemed like a terrible idea. Hanna was the only person for him here, and she had most likely moved on, right?

A knock on his window snapped Caleb from his reverie, and he jolted up to see a familiar face staring down at him. Stepping out of the car, he inwardly groaned, as he realised whom the face belonged to. In front of him stood a small, dark brunette, with dark eyes that were glittering. Her plump pink lips were spread to a wicked smile, and she held several shopping bags in her hands.

"Hello Mona." Caleb said shortly.

She raised one eyebrow, "Hello Caleb. Are you back for good?"

Caleb shrugged, feeling uncomfortable under her demanding glare, "What's it to you Mona?"

Her eyes clouded, "I'm just interested. Remember last time you came back was to break my dear sweet Hanna's heart. Come back to do it again, or cowardly run away, _again_?

Caleb felt the anger rise inside of him. He had always hated Mona, because she was a spiteful, devious bitch. She had hurt Hanna, and he hated her for that. Then again, who was he to talk? He had done the exact same thing.

Tiredly, he sighed, "I'm tired Mona, and I've had a long drive. I don't want your questions"

"You'll have to answer them someday Caleb. If not to me, then to Hanna. And I wouldn't want to be the one who tells her your back. She hates your guts, and I don't blame her." Mona smiled, making Caleb's gut twist. She strutted off, seemingly pleased with herself, her numerous shopping bags swinging as she walked. He felt his heart drop. So Hanna did hate him then.

He deserved it really, after everything he had done to her.

He hauled his bags from the back seat and took them upstairs. His apartment was just like he remembered it, cold and empty. It was no longer an inviting place, with white sheets draped over all his furniture.

As he moved further into the apartment, he discovered large shattering's off glass, strewn all over the floor. It was picture frames-his picture frames of him and Hanna. Two guesses for who did that.

Stepping over the pile of glass, he set his bags in the bedroom and pulled on the light. It didn't work, and Caleb made a mental note to pay the electricity bill. Deciding he liked it better in the dark, he shrugged off his jacket and kicked off his shoes. What was there to do here?

He delved into his backpack and pulled out a glass bottle. Then, he walked to the small kitchen off the living room and grabbed a glass from the dusty cupboards. Pouring in the clear liquid, he took a deep breath before swigging it back, a disgusted look etched across his face. It burned in his throat, a sickly sweet burn that made his stomach lurch. Caleb hoped it would take away the pain, but the dull ache in the pit of his stomach just became more and more painful.

Each drink he took, he felt the pain soar through him until nothing but Hanna's name was left on his lips.

God, he missed her. He fucking missed her so much.

He hated what he done to her, what he was doing to her by coming back. He just wanted to forget, even if it just was for tonight. And the only way to do that was the one way he knew how, alcohol. Ever since the night he left he had turned to alcohol, to help hollow the pain. Then, when he was faced with sleepless nights, he turned to sleeping pills, taking two until the darkness submerged him.

He felt her everywhere he went. He still feel's her.

He wanted to forget every little word he had said to her, what he did. He wanted to forget her sobs of anger and confusion. He wanted to forget the look on her face when she realised he was leaving her, for good. She had looked so lost, so unhappy, and he hated that he had caused that.

He looked down at the empty bottle in his lap and felt so fucking empty himself. He was so stupid. How could he ever let her go? Hanna is, and was all he ever wanted. She made him so happy, and he threw that all away, for another girl he had just met. Hanna had asked him to stay with Miranda, but she had no idea what lay ahead of them. Caleb had to help her, and break the curse. And they only way to do that was to break Hanna's heart. He felt everything for her.

Shivering, he sat alone in the dark, drunk, lonely and cold. The night sky outside was turning red around the edges, signalling that the sun was starting to rise. Caleb felt numb. He reached out to the coffee table and lifted the little container of pills, spilling out two into his hand. Throwing them back, he felt a little emptier as they entered his veins. His hands let go of the glass, allowing it to splinter into tiny fragments, the last dregs of alcohol getting lost between the cracks in the floorboards. His eyes began to sting, and seconds later slow salty tears fell down his face. He had left her. He left her. Not the other way round. And for the second time.

He had left her once before, and then came back, and she had forgiven him. But what was going to happen now that he had left for a second time then came back. She wouldn't be so forgiving this time.

His eyes became blurry, and the last thing he saw before unconsciousness captured him was the torn picture of Hanna and him, happy and smiling. He felt his heart break, and then everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2: Sleepless Night

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! You guys are amazing!**

**I know this chapter may seem a bit boring but it will get better i promise! **

**Please read and review, i love hearing all your ideas!**

**-Natalie xo**

Can't help those who don't want to be helped

-End of Me-A Day to Remember

Hanna Marin couldn't sleep. The room was too light, her hair kept getting in her mouth, and she was too hot. It was late summer in Rosewood, and it didn't surprise her that it was too hot to sleep, or that the sun was rising rather early in the morning.

She fidgeted in her sheets, groaning in frustration as they twisted and tangled around her sweating body. She yanked them out from underneath her and untangled them, laying them flat over her over-heating body. Hanna had stripped down from her pyjama bottoms to a pair of cotton shorts, and was now only wearing a tank top.

It wasn't unusual that Hanna couldn't sleep. She often found herself awake in the late hours of the night, a million and one thoughts rushing around her head. She would think about Alison, and how she was coping with her mum's death. She would think about her mum, and wondered if A was making their way through the group. She wondered about Aria and Spencer and Emily. She wondered if she had to fear her life anymore.

Most of all, she wondered about Caleb Rivers.

Hanna wondered if his hair had got too long. It often took him some persuasion to get it done, and he always forgets. She wondered if his eyes still lit up with that same passion and light like they used to when he was happy, or around people he loved.

She wondered if maybe, just maybe, he thought about her at all, even if just once in a while. It was a dangerous thought, and Hanna knew she shouldn't go back down that route. After all, he was the one who left her, not the other way round.

But she just couldn't help it.

When someone mentioned his name, every single memory of him came flooding back to her, and she couldn't help but let them paralyse her body.

In all honesty, the one thought that Hanna had, in those sleepless nights, was _did Caleb ever really love her?_

If he did, then what kind of sick game was he playing with her heart?

And if he didn't, then Hanna was in for a whole load more heart break, because she was clearly not over him. Not that seeing Travis wasn't enough for her, but she didn't really feel much for him. After a couple all right dates, and one fumbling make out session, Hanna knew in her heart that she didn't love him, not when she still felt so much for Caleb.

Turning onto her side, Hanna glared at her alarm clock. It read 5:43am. She wondered, was it too early to go downstairs and eat? Her stomach growled at the thought of food. It had been nearly a day since she had last eaten, which was unhealthy.

Deciding that she wasn't going to get much sleep tonight, as was practically morning already, Hanna kicked off the hot sheet and pulled her hair back into a ponytail as she padded softly over to her door. She pulled it open quietly, as not to wake her mum, and headed downstairs.

Hanna wondered through the hall, watching her shadow dance as the rising sun filtered through the small window by her front door. She was so caught up that she didn't even notice Ashley Marin sat at the table, her paper work spread covering the whole surface.

"Hey baby. Couldn't sleep?"

"Jesus!" Hanna jumped, turning to face her Mum. Ashley smiled, but it didn't meet her eyes. Hanna noticed the slight wrinkles by her mouth, and the bags under her eyes that weren't there a couple days ago. She knew how she felt. Mrs Dilaurentis's death had shocked everyone.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" Ashley said, pulling Hanna into a hug.

Hanna wrapped her arm around her mum's waist, "It's fine. And yeah, I couldn't sleep, and I'm starving hungry"

Ashley stepped back and suppressed a laugh. Hanna was always hungry.

She pointed to the cupboard by the fridge, "There's some Jaffa cakes in there. Or I can make you some macaroni cheese if you want?"

Hanna shook her head, sliding onto one of the stools by the island and picking up the coffee grinder, "No thanks, I just wanted something light really. Anyway, what are you doing up?"

"I just wanted to go over some stuff, you know. Kenneth asked me to check some stuff over and I was supposed to get it done yesterday but I fell asleep, so I'm doing it now."

Hanna stopped pouring her coffee, "Kenneth? Ali's dad?"

Ashley sat back down at the table, fiddling with her files. Her laptop sat open on Mrs Dilaurentis's emails.

"Yes Hanna." She answered airily, as if she didn't really hear what Hanna had said. Hanna carried on pouring out her coffee, her mind wandering. Why would Ali's dad want her mum to check his deceased wife's emails? It didn't make sense. Hanna glanced at the clock on the desk and inwardly groaned. It was only 6 o'clock; Spencer would not be awake yet.

"Hanna, watch it!" Ashley almost yelled, rushing to grab the coffee from her daughter's hand. Hanna was not concentrating, and her mug was now over flown with coffee.

Hanna snapped back to reality, running to the sink and dropping in the mug of coffee as it dripped along the floor. She turned around to see Ashley sighing and wiping up the droplets.

"Mum, let me do it."

Ashley stood up, properly looking at Hanna. She was thinner that Ashley had ever seen her, her cotton shorts almost falling down around her hips. Her cheeks were hollow, and she had big bags under her eyes. Ashley placed her hand under Hanna's chin, "Go back to sleep honey. You're tired." And with that, she returned to her laptop.

Hanna slowly walked to her room, but decided last minute to divert to the bathroom. She flicked on the light, and stood shivering on the tiles, staring at her self in the mirror. She's never been pretty, but with some make-up and the right pair of shoes, Hanna feels confident enough to go out. But sometimes, she stares at herself in the mirror and hates what she sees.

Her body is pale, in need of a good tan; her hair is limp around her shoulders, in need of a good wash. After Caleb left she didn't really try with her appearance, but she attracted the attention of Travis, which Hanna was still trying to figure out. She realised she hadn't actually gotten anything to eat. Her stomach rumbled.

Sighing, she flicked off the light and padded back into her room, pulling the sheets back around her. Her room was now very light, the morning sun shining in as a good morning call. Hanna rolls on her side, staring up at the ceiling, trying to shake off the empty feeling inside of her.

**A/N: Thank you for reading! I'll be updating as soon as i can because i have my gcse art exam soon, but i promise it will happen! :)**


	3. Chapter 3: Clouded Judgment

**A/N: I hope this chapter works, because i've been experiencing some technical difficulties with chapter 3, and im not sure why. Hopefully this does work**

**thanks for your reviews**

**-natalie xo**

Drown me in the rain, I'd sink and swim for you

-Starving for Friends-Slaves ft. Vic Fuentes

Something was not right, Caleb decided, with his apartment. It seemed the same as before, light, airy with wide spaces. Hanna had commented once that it was too white, and before Caleb had argued it was supposed to be that way, but now, as he saw it in the deadly silence, he realised that she was right.

It was too colourless. It needed something bright and happy in the room, so that the place felt less like a hospital and more like a home.

He looked to the small kitchen to the right. It had dark wood cupboards and marble counter tops. Caleb thought that was okay. But then he looked at the living room and it's bare white walls. The leather couch was the only thing not white-that and the TV.

He hated it.

Within a second he had decided it was time for a change, and quickly threw on a new pair of jeans and a grey t-shirt. He took the stairs two at a time, and within 5 minutes was at the nearest hardware store to Rosewood.

He was lost in the paint isle when a familiar voice called his name.

"Caleb?"

Turning on his heel, Caleb found himself face to face with Travis Hobbs. He remembered him from the barn dance a while back. He remembered allowing Hanna to dance with him, and the frustration when she asked him to go after Toby.

Caleb nodded in his direction, "Travis. Hi"

"What-What are you doing back here?"

Caleb heard the rudeness in his voice. He picked up a can of blue paint and held it up, "Painting my apartment." He replied.

Travis shook his head. His blue eyes were cold, "no, I mean back here. As in Rosewood, I thought you left?"

"Well, yeah, I had. But now I'm back" He answered, not really liking where the conversation was headed. Caleb had never really liked Travis. He hadn't done anything directly to him, but Caleb got the distinct impression that Travis had a thing for Hanna, and Caleb did not like the thought of that.

Travis frowned. In his hand he has twirling the keys to his truck, "Does Hanna know your back?"

At the mention of her name, Caleb felt a sinking feeling. It had been almost two days since he had been back, and he still hadn't told Hanna. He had kept putting it off, turning to drink and loading himself up with sleeping pills to forget and sleep. But every morning he would wake with the taste of regret in his mouth, and a huge hole where his heart should be.

Shaking his head, Caleb brushed his hair out of his eyes. It had got too long, in desperate need of a cut. If Hanna could see him, she would be nagging him to get it cut.

"No. She doesn't." He replied shortly. Travis nodded, seeming uncomfortable.

Caleb started to turn back to the paint, but Travis seemed to have other ideas, "Why are you back?" He demanded. He seemed angry.

Caleb, wide eyed turned to face him, "Because I realised what was important, and the only thing that is important to me is Hanna, so I've come back to see her."

"It's been four months Caleb. I think it's best to move on don't you think?"

Shock riddled through him. Taken a-back, Caleb struggled for words.

Who the hell did he think he was, getting involved in something that was nothing to do with him? Caleb didn't even know him that well.

"Excuse me, but what the hell do you know?"

Travis laughed, "I know all lot more than you realise Caleb. Just let her go, she's moved on, so should you…" Travis bit his lip, holding out his hand. After a moment of hesitation Caleb shook it, "It was good to see you. Think about what I said yeah?" He said, and then walked towards the tills, leaving Caleb standing alone in the isle.

He actually felt like someone had just pulled his heart out from his body, and smeared it along the concrete floor under him. Hanna had moved on?

Anger was fuelling through him now, clouding his eyes. He dropped the paint can back on its shelf and stormed through the doors towards his car.

As the car spurred to life, Caleb knew exactly where he was going and what was about to happen. A burning feeling in his throat told him his body couldn't handle any more of the alcohol, but Caleb pushed it aside. He stomped on the accelerator and pulled out of the car park, unaware that Travis was standing a few metres away, watching Caleb from the doorway, a dark look in his eyes.

xxx

Paige McCullers had left her phone in the Brew, and had to miss the first 10 minutes of swim practice just to back and get it. She wasn't usually so forgetful, but lately a lot of things had been going on, and somehow she had left it. Hoping someone had the done the decent thing and handed it in, Paige hurried back across the road. Without looking, she stepped out, hoping that they wouldn't be too mad at her for being late. It wasn't like she was going to miss the whole practice; she just needed to get her phone back, and quick.

The horrific screeching sound of tyres caused Paige's head to whip up. Coming towards her, at an increasing speed was a large green truck. She couldn't see who was in the drivers seat, just a hooded figure.

Before she could do anything, her body froze in the middle of the road.

The car speeded towards her, not stopping.

Paige braced for impact, unable to move the spot in the street.

Then, she felt her body being thrown into the air, and a blood-curdling scream echoed around the empty space. She felt like she was flying.

And then she felt nothing.


	4. Chapter 4: Recovery

**A/N:**

**Hiya! I know this is a long chapter but it's important! **

**I also finished my art gcse exam (nervously bites nails) and it went okay i guess, so i should be getting the result for that soon! cant wait! **

**Thank you again for all the reviews, and if you like it please do review**

**-natalie xo**

I find myself swimming farther than I ever planned to go out in this lost ocean

Emarosa- Sailing in the Dark isn't Smart Kid-

"Is she okay?" Hanna asked, worriedly chewing on her lip.

Emily nodded, her dark eyes overcast, "The doctors say she will be fine, just a few broken ribs and cuts and bruises"

They in Emily's house sprawled out across her bed. Aria was opposite them, resting on the window seat, her dark hair pulled back into a braid. She wasn't concentrating, her eyes looking out the window. She seemed lost in a daze. Outside, the light was beginning to fade.

Spencer was pacing Emily's room, rubbing her temples. She looked like she hadn't slept in days, but then again, who had?

It had been several hours since Paige had been admitted to the hospital, and none of them were allowed to see her. Emily, who had been panicking, had rung up and begged for some information. The doctor was nice, and told her Paige was in recovery.

Emily looked well rested, considering the circumstances. Her brown hair was loose around her shoulders, and was still wearing her apron from work.

"Em, did the doctors say anything else?" Spencer asked, still pacing. It made Hanna nervous. She tucked her blonde hair behind her ear, watching Aria. She seemed so lost. Hanna guessed it was because of Ezra, and maybe it was too much for her right now.

Emily looked up to Spencer, "I told you it all."

"It just doesn't make sense. Why Paige?"

"It's not fair" Hanna agreed.

In that second Aria's head snapped up, her light brown eyes angry.

"Why any of us? Why Ali? Why Jenna? Why Ezra? Why Mrs Dilaurentis? None of this makes sense Spence, not just Paige. None of this is fair to any of us Han!" Aria almost yelled. Spencer smiled softly at her, walking over and placing her arm around her shoulders. Aria seemed to deflate slowly into Spencer's embrace.

"I know it's not fair Aria, I just mean that Paige didn't deserve-" Hanna started, but a deathly glare from Spencer cut her off. Hanna didn't really have much sympathy, or filter to be honest. She said what came to her head straight away, and she was honest. It was better than lying, she had decided, because she had had enough of people lying to last her a lifetime.

"I think, what Hanna is trying to say Aria, is that the other things that happened to other people seemed to be in some sort of sequence, but with Paige, it just happened, no explanations." Spencer said. Emily stiffened beside Hanna.

Aria nodded in her arms, wiping away the fallen tears.

"What?" Hanna asked, looking over to Emily, who eyes were suddenly very dark.

"She was headed back to The Brew. She forgot her phone. I saw it and should have run after her, but instead I pocketed it. If I had only given it to her, she wouldn't be laying in that hospital bed right now."

Hanna sighed, "Em, there is no way this is your fault. This was A."

Emily looked unconvinced.

A knock on the Emily's front door echoed upstairs. Spencer and Hanna looked at each other.

"I'll go" Hanna offered, starting to get off the bed.

"No- we'll all go" Emily said, offering Hanna a small smile.

They followed Emily down the stairs, bright yellow and blue flashing lights leaking in through the windows. Emily looked worriedly at each of them on the stairs, before swinging open the door.

Detective Tanner and Holbrook stood at her front door, serious expressions etched across their faces. They looked past Emily at the front door; past Aria and Spencer on the bottom steps, finally resting their eyes on the blonde hovering on the top step.

"Hanna Marin? Will you come with us down to the station please? We have some questions to ask you"

xxx

Hanna hated police stations. She had spent enough time in them than she would have liked too, and they made her uneasy. The last time she had been in the police station, was the day Alison came home. It was a rough night, full of lies and tragic deception. It made her stomach hurt to think about it.

She was sat on the plastic chairs outside questioning room C, her stomach growling for food. She hadn't eaten yet, and her stomach was punishing her for it. Spencer was currently at the desk, arguing with detective Tanner. She was using her lawyer talk, that she only reserved for important occasions, or when she needed to get her way, fast. Aria was next to her, fiddling with a loose strand on her cardigan. She tugged at it, unravelling the thread.

Hanna wondered what they wanted to talk to her about. If it was about Paige, then she had no idea. She was with Spencer in town, browsing the little boutiques. Well, Hanna was browsing; Spencer was moaning that she was bored.

Oddly, Hanna thought of Caleb. She hadn't allowed him to enter her mind for a while now, and it wasn't getting any easier.

She thought of the first time he had left her, and then came back. He had begged for forgiveness, and after a while, Hanna couldn't take it any longer, she had needed him so badly. This time however, he wasn't coming back, and Hanna just had to deal with that.

She hardly noticed it when Spencer fell back on the seat to the right of her, exhausted. She had almost worn down Tanner, but her Mum had arrived just as Spencer was beginning to combust, and taken over.

"They aren't allowed to question you without the permission of your parent, or without a lawyer present." Spencer informed her.

Hanna wasn't really listening, staring at a spot on the floor. Her mind was a mess. She didn't know what to do anymore.

She missed him so much, and everyday was as hard as the day he left.

"Hanna? Are you even listening to me?" Spencer asked. She was waving a hand in front of Hanna's face.

Hanna said sarcastically "Sorry Spence, I'm a bit caught up worrying what they want to talk to me about"

Spencer rolled her eyes, "Listen. My mum's not going to let them question you okay?"

Hanna nodded, just as Emily came up to them, holding three steaming coffee's in her hands.

"Sorry Aria, they didn't have decaf." She said, handing one cup to Spencer and one to Hanna. She smelt the over powering scent of the coffee and almost threw up in her mouth. Spencer looked at her sideways, a concerned look in her dark eyes, but before she could say anything, Mrs Hasting hurried over to them.

"Hanna," She said, "You can either go home and await questioning, or you can do it now. It's your choice. I can be present if you would like?"

Hanna nodded, swallowing the sickening feeling in her throat; "I'll do it now, and yes please Mrs Hastings."

The girls looked at her, "Are you sure?" Emily asked.

Hanna knew there was no other way around this. She may as well do it now, and not sit at home waiting for the police to come. It would be too much for her.

Taking a deep breath, she shakily stood up, following Detective Holbrook to the questioning room, Mrs Hastings hot on her tail.

xxx

She had been in this room before. It brought back too many memories that she wished to forget. Hanna wanted to forget everything.

Often, she wondered what it would be like if she had lived in a different state, if she had never met Ali, never been hefty Hanna, never met Caleb. Things would probably be easier. There wouldn't be an unbearable amount of pain inside her, and a Caleb shaped hole in her chest.

She would probably still be fat, but there would be no Alison to call her out on it, make her feel so bad about it. She wouldn't have battle with bulimia, or the demons inside her head. She would have been reliant on alcohol, or have a crazy friend who ran her over.

She wouldn't know A. Ian, Shauna, Garrett, Wilden and so many more would still be alive. She wouldn't have been in this room so many times.

She knew she shouldn't think this kind of thing. It was unhealthy, as was so many other things in her life right now.

Holbrook was staring at her, waiting patiently for an answer that Hanna didn't have. Mrs Hasting's looked tired.

"Hanna. Please answer the question."

What was there to answer? Who was Caleb Rivers to her?

Everything.

"Nothing" She answered.

Holbrook exhaled, "All right. What about Travis Hobbs? Do you know him?"

Hanna nodded, frowning. Why did they want to know about Travis?

"I'm going to need you to answer out loud please, for the tape."

"Yes, I know Travis Hobbs. He's a good friend"

It sounded corny out loud, calling Travis a friend. She didn't even know him that well.

"And what do you think of him?"

"I'm sorry, but could you please not waste both mine and Hanna's time asking questions like that?" Mrs Hasting asked. Hanna looked at her. She noticed the streaks of grey that were just beginning to appear in her hair, and the wrinkles in her skin.

"I think he's nice."

Nice. Hanna cringed at her own words.

"Do you think he is capable of hitting someone with a car?"

"_What_?" Hanna shrieked. What kind of question was that?

"Hanna, the vehicle that hit Paige McCullers was Travis Hobbs'." Holbrook stated. Hanna felt a little dizzy. Travis? He hit Paige?

Mrs Hasting glanced at Hanna and made up her mind, "If you don't mind, I think that's it for the questions. If you are not charging her with anything than she is free to go."

Holbrook looked like he wanted to snap at her.

Detective Tanner nodded, "Of course Mrs Hastings." She looked down at Hanna, "Thank you Hanna"

Hanna stood, acknowledging Tanner's thank you. Aria and Spencer greeted her outside. Emily's bag was gone, so Hanna guessed that she had gone to see Paige.

"What did they say?" Aria asked, as Hanna grabbed her bag from the floor. She pulled out her phone, to text Travis, but as she looked up, he was coming towards her.

"They said it was Travis's car that hit Paige" Hanna whispered to Aria before running over to him.

"Hanna? Why are you here?" He asked.

"Is it true?" She demanded. He looked down at her, confusion in his eyes.

"Is what true?"

"Did you hit Paige?"

"What? No! It was my truck but it wasn't me!" He defended, looking hurt than Hanna had accused him of hitting Paige. He looked like he was about to say something else, but Holbrook strolled over, interrupting him.

"Mr Hobbs. We need to speak to you."

He quickly tore his eyes away from Hanna and nodded, "Go on"

Holbrook coughed, "Would you prefer to go somewhere more private?"

"No. Do it here." Travis answered, keeping his eyes fixed on Hanna.

Holbrook sighed deeply, glancing at Tanner. She nodded.

"Travis, could you please tell me where you were at 11:32 today?"

Without a moment's hesitation, Travis answered, "At the hardware store, just on the outskirts of Rosewood."

Holbrook nodded, writing in his note pad. Hanna shifted from one foot to the other; she had spent enough time in here, and now all she wanted was to get out.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spots Tanner watching her, her curly red hair bouncing as she fidgets in her seat.

"Can anybody account for that Mr Hobbs?" Holbrook asks, his eyes flickering to Hanna. She thinks about their kiss, and immediately wishes she hadn't. Holbrook faintly frowns as she blushes, trying to cover her face with her hand. Travis doesn't notice, staring off out the window.

"Mr Hobbs?"

"Um… yeah. Caleb Rivers."


	5. Chapter 5: Drunk Again

**A/N: Hiyaaa! Thank you for the reviews and good lucks! You guys are amazing!  
Please review**

**-Natalie xo**

I feel paralysed, cut down to size

I hardly have the strength to open up my eyes

-The Ocean-Tonight Alive

There's this sweet blonde girl that reminds Caleb of Hanna sat across the bar from him. Her hair is longer than Hanna's is, and she has more of a rounded nose than Hanna does. It doesn't stop him for staring though.

She's staring back too, flicking back her blonde hair and fluttering her long eyelashes. He looks down at his empty glass and waves over the bartender.

"Haven't you had enough mate?" He asks, "You've been here since noon and-"

"Just pour me another o-k-okay?" He slurs, cutting the bar tender short. Against his better judgment, the bartender refills his glass.

He knows he's drunk, out of it. But getting drunk seems the only thing he can actually do right these days, and he's good at it, so why stop something you're good at?

The girl across from him is smiling this gleaming, beautiful smile, and Caleb can't help but smile back. She's beautiful. Not as beautiful as his Hanna though.

But wait! Hanna isn't his anymore. How could he forget?

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, where all reason lies, he knows he recognises this girl. Her face, those intense eyes are all so familiar to him. Has he met her before? No, he would have remembered that.

Maybe she goes to Rosewood? He doesn't know.

Throwing back the drink, he clambers off the bar stool, and shuffles over to where she is sitting. She turns on the stool, flashing her long, lean legs.

"Hi." She smiles. He raises an eyebrow.

"After all that eye contact, the best you can do is hi?" He jokes, lazily grinning at her. She laughs, throwing back her head, so that her luscious hair falls gracefully down her back.

"That was a good line," She says.

Now that he's up close to her, she's not as pretty as he once thought. Her eyes are little to far apart, and she has a slight cleft in her chin. But who is he to judge? He most likely looks a state, dressed in the same jeans and grey t-shirt as earlier on. He hasn't even brushed back his hair, and it keeps falling into his eyes. The girl reaches forward and brushes it back. Suddenly, Caleb is aware of what is happening.

He moves back slightly from her touch, and jumps onto the bar stool next to her.

"So, what's a girl like you doing here?"

Here to be exact, is the Hart and the Huntsman. Caleb discovered it as he was driving back from Ravenswood the first time, but he didn't have the heart to go inside. Earlier on today, when he was angry and in need of some alcohol, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to try it out.

She looks around her. It's a beautiful place really, the walls covered in panels of wood, high tables stood in the middle of the room. On the wall there are faux animal heads, nailed onto wooden boards. That part gives Caleb the creeps.

"Well, I have a lot of history with this place." She answers softly, as if re-living a dream.

He nods, understanding exactly what she means. Caleb had a lot of history with the places in Rosewood, and most of those memories include Hanna.

His chest tightens at the thought of Hanna.

He wonders what she's doing right now. She's probably curled up in her duvet, watching horror movies by herself. She used to do that a lot, until Caleb offered to watch them with her. Every time she got freaked, he was her pillow. He kept her safe.

How stupid of him to let her go.

"Anyway, less about me. More about you." The girl says, pulling Caleb from his thoughts, "The handsome stranger dressed in just jeans and a t-shirt, getting slaughtered by himself on a Saturday evening."

Caleb supresses a laugh; if only she knew.

"I'm not alone. I'm here with you" He reply's, hoping she will not pursue it. His head begins to pound. He needs to sleep.

The girl is watching him, studying his drowsy face.

"You're drunk. And tired. I can see it in your eyes, they tell a lot of stories." She ponders, her light blue eyes flickering over his. He leans into her, the smell of booze radiating off him. She doesn't seem to mind.

"What happened to you?" She whispers.

Caleb shrugs. What has happened to him?

He's still here right? He's still breathing, and alive, so nothings happened.

Except from the fact that he lost the love of his life. He threw it away.

Maybe she means why he is drinking his body weight, but even he has no answer to that. He's doing it because he is lonely, and sad. And what makes him happy has no idea that he is here, holding onto the hope that maybe she will take him back.

He begins to slump forward onto the bar, sleep creeping in. He feels her small hands on his face, and then she is lifting his arm around her and lugging him out the door. The cold wind whipped him in the face. He struggled for breath, the alcohol burning his throat. Somewhere, amongst the heavy wind, and his heart in his ears, Caleb heard the girl mention something about home. He felt thankful to her, but also confused. Why was she doing this for a complete stranger?

Her car was close to the pub, but it felt like a long walk for Caleb, every step he took he fell a little more asleep. He knew he was dragging her down as well, but she seemed strong enough to carry on.

As they reached her car, she pulled open the side door and slid him in, wrapping the seat belt around him. He felt her delicate hands cup his face.

"Caleb, just let go."

Cracking open one eye he sees her looking down on him, her saucer eyes sad.

"What's…your...N-name?" He manages to ask.

She smiles, shutting the door, and climbing into the drivers seat. "Vivian. Vivian Darkbloom." She replies.

Somewhere, in the dark of his mind, where all his inhibitions are waiting, Caleb realises who the face belongs to. He realises why she looks so familiar. Why she reminded him of Hanna. He had seen her face around town, on white sheets of torn paper, in newspapers, on the news. She was older now, more mature. She had grown into her looks. The reason he hadn't recognised her at first was because she didn't have the words 'HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GIRL?' in bold above her head.

Her name was on his lips. He just needed the courage to say it, say it out loud. Darkness was creeping in, teasing him. He felt heavy, weighted.

"Alison."


	6. Chapter 6: How Did It Get This Way?

**Hiya! German speaking assessment coming up this Friday, so the next update may be a bit of a while, sorry! But i promise it will be good!**

**-Natalie xo**

Stay the hell away

While I sit here by myself

And figure out how I got this way

If You Can't Hang- Sleeping with Sirens

Hanna swears her heart stops beating.

The world becomes very dizzy, and the room begins to turn upside down.

All she thinks of is Caleb. Her Caleb is back.

She can't even process it.

People are crowding round her now, their booming faces each asking if she's okay. She realises Travis is holding her up, and pushes herself off him.

She's a grown woman now, she doesn't need anybody.

Except she does. She needs Caleb.

God, Caleb's back.

She begins to sway again, and knows she needs to get out of there before she throws up all over the floor. The sound of her heart floods her ears, and before she knows it Hanna is running. She doesn't even know here it is she's going.

She hears someone call her name, maybe Aria or Spencer, but she doesn't wait around to see who did. If it's not Caleb, then Hanna doesn't care.  
She reaches the woods faster than she thought she would, breathless and sobbing. She balls her fists into her eyes and wills herself to stop.

"Stop crying. Just stop crying." Hanna repeats, over and over. Her mind is racing, her legs cramped and her heart dull.

He's back. The one person she loved with all of her being is back. He left for four months, and couldn't even take four minutes to call her.

"Well why would he call?" She shouts at herself angrily, "He obviously doesn't care!"

Frustrated, she ran her shaking hands through her hair and tugged on it, hoping the pain would take her mind off him.  
She felt so weak. There were no words to explain how she felt.

It was like feeling everything and nothing all at once. It was all too much to bear.

How dare he come back! Hanna was doing just fine without him.  
That was the biggest lie she had ever told herself. She was getting worse every single day, losing just a little part of her as time wore on.  
She glanced all around her. When had it got so dark? What time was it now? The sun had set, and the darkness had settled around her without Hanna even noticing.  
She just wanted to feel something other than pain and misery.

Then, Hanna had a brilliant idea. Without thinking it through she ran back to town and found her car, parked just off the kerb by the police station.  
Travis's car was gone, as was Spencer's. Revealed, Hanna took a deep breath for what felt like the first time today, she didn't want to see anyone.  
Hanna climbed inside her car and speeded away, trying to remember the route. Spencer had told her about this place, told her that Ali and Ezra used to go here and have their dates. Hanna was hoping they served more alcohol than just board shorts ale, as she was in desperate need of a drink.  
She was just coming up to the turning in for the Hart and Huntsman, when the reality of what she was doing hit her like a train. She suddenly braked.

Drinking was not a good way to solve all her problems, at least not Hanna's. She knew that from experience.

Her car, stopped in the middle of the road, wad blocking the way traffic behind her. Some cars beeped, and others yelled, but Hanna just sat there, her knuckles gripped tightly on the wheel.

Then, all of a sudden, hot tears were streaming down her face, and Hanna felt like shit.

Why was this happening to her?  
Hasn't the universe thrown enough crap at her?

Yes, she loved Caleb, but he left, and hurt her badly. She knew she had to let him go, but there was no way in hell she wanted to. She needed him. She needed him so badly. When things were bad, he was the person he told. He took a bullet protecting her best friend. He went to see Mona in Radley with her, so that she wasn't alone. He was there when A was breaking her down. He built her back up.

And now he was back. Was it really that easy for him? Easy for him to come back and not destroy himself like Hanna was doing?

He left easily enough, and for another girl, but coming back to a place where so many secrets are buried, isn't that hard?  
Maybe what it was was that Caleb just didn't care about her at all. How could she feel so much for someone who didn't care about her at all?  
How was any of this fair?

Hanna felt the weight of world on her shoulders. She felt empty and dull and also angry and confused, but most of all hurt. She was hurt, and needed answers. But before that, she needed the advice of her best friends.  
Reaching into her bag on the passenger seat, Hanna pulled out her mobile and sent out a text.  
Ignoring all the yells of abuse from the over-taking cars, Hanna looked down to her lap to find her small hands trembling fiercely. She took a deep breath, and then clicked on her indicator, ready to go home.

xxx

The moment Aria Montgomery's phone beeped SOS from Hanna, she dropped her books and raced over to Hanna's house. When she got there, panting and red faced, Spencer and Emily were sat outside on her porch, as clueless to what was happening as she was.

Her car pulled up in front of the house a few seconds later. Aria stood up, as did the other girls. When Hanna got out of the car, she didn't seem to be rushing. Maybe, Aria thought, everything was okay.

Exchanging looks with her best friends, she knew they were thinking the same thing.

Except, when Hanna turned round and faced them, her eyes red and raw, Aria noticed how skinny she was. Her skin was ghostly pale, her long sleeves hanging loosely off her wrists. Her normally vivid hair was flat around her shoulders, and her spindly legs were trembling. Hanna looked at each of them, and burst into a fresh set of tears.

In that moment, Aria Montgomery realised that things were far from okay.


	7. Chapter 7: The Marin Residence

**Hey, sorry for this taking so long i have had a pile of work to do, and i think i failed my german speaking**

**please review**

**-natalie xo**

I will soon forget the colour of your eyes, and you'll forget mine

-Stained Glass Eyes and Colourful Tears - Pierce the Veil

The Brew hadn't changed since the last time he'd been in it. It was still as vintage and wonderful as before.  
The rich smell of coffee was alluring, drawing Caleb in. He wandered through the double doors, his head still pounding from last night, not expecting anybody to notice him.

But he was wrong.

At first, he thought he was hidden behind the velvet curtain, his boiling cardboard cup warming his hands, but then Mona spotted him, and all warmth in his body ran cold.

"Still here Caleb? Hasn't your other girlfriend called you back yet? Did you two have another argument so you thought you would try your luck with Hanna?" Mona grinned, setting down her flapjack and latte on his table. She slipped into the seat opposite him.  
Caleb knew he shouldn't let Mona get into his head.

"You know something, I'm surprised that you are still here Mona, considering nobody actually wants you around. Not Hanna, not me, not anybody."

Her grin fell quickly from her face, and murderous look replaced it. She leaned forward, hissing, "You want to play that game Caleb? You and I both know, I will win"

He raised one eyebrow. She didn't scare him at all. "Are you sure?" He asked. Now it was his turn to grin.

Without another word Mona pushed back her chair, picked up her drink and started to walk off.

"Oh and Caleb" She said, turning back around. "What makes you so sure Hanna wants you around? She's already moved on, and let me tell you, Travis is cute."

Her words hit him like a tonne of bricks. He hadn't even considered that it could Travis that Hanna was seeing. That would explain the mysterious conversation Travis and he had. Caleb wanted to deck him.

But was it his place anymore? Hanna had found some one else, because why would she sit around waiting for him? Things change in four months. People change. Love gets lost, forgotten. And Hanna wasn't to blame for that. He hadn't expected her to stick around waiting for him, but he loved her. He was in love with her, present tense.

Didn't that count for anything?

xxx

He needed to see her. He had woken in a blind panic, sweat pouring down his face. Hanna's name was on his lips. He was crying; uncontrollable sobs that racked hid body and made it all the more harder to breathe. His lungs felt like they were collapsing under the strain.

He had dreamt that she was being taken from him by A, and when he had run after her, he morphed into A, killing Hanna with his bare hands. It was the worst dream he had ever had in a long time.

The dream however, had made up his mind: he had to see her. Pushing aside all fear of rejection and pain, Caleb found himself standing at her front door, staring at the cracking grey paint around the edges.

He had been stood there for 10 minutes now, and as each minute passed, he contemplated with himself about turning around and going home. But he couldn't do that. He couldn't do it anymore. He needed to see her, and talk to her. He needed to tell her he loved her. Admittedly, Caleb guessed that if he did knock, he would have to face his worst fears: having his heart being broken into small fragments, so that it was unable to repair again.

"You know, you do have to actually knock on the door for someone to answer it"

Caleb quickly whipped around, finding himself staring straight into the smiling face of Ashley Marin.

"Caleb", she breathed, holding out her hands. He stepped into them, feeling sheepish. Ashley had always been so kind and gentle towards him, and he had repaid her by breaking her daughters heart. He knew the reason she was so lovely to him was because Ashley knew that Caleb really loved her daughter.

"Hi Ms Marin. How are you doing?" Caleb asked, wincing at the casual tone in is voice. He was acting like he hadn't been away.

She nodded, "I've been good. What about you? Your hair has got long, Hanna will be bugging you about that"

"Well, I think Hanna will be a little pre-occupied killing me Ms Marin." He joked, trying to lighten the mood. Ashley laughed, and Caleb relaxed. She delved inside of her bag, fishing out her keys. Sliding it into the lock, she stood in the doorway, looking back at Caleb.

"Are you coming in?"

He cautiously looked over his shoulder, unsure of what to do. If Hanna were home, then would she want to see him?

Ashley seemed to read his mind, offering a small sad smile, "Hanna's out right now"

Caleb, uncertain of what to say, simply shrugged and followed her inside. The Marin house hadn't changed one bit. He remembered where everything was. The walls were still plain and white, the dazzling mirror still hanging on the wall. Pictures of a young, chubby Hanna were sat on nearly every available surface. Caleb had missed this place.

Ashley strolled down to the kitchen, Caleb shuffling after her. He didn't know how to act here; it had been so long.

"Coffee? Tea? Juice?"

Caleb pulled the ends of his hair out of the collar of his denim jacket and nodded, "Coffee please Ms Marin"

"Please, call me Ashley. I've known you long enough Caleb"

Not the last four months, he thought, and instantly regretted it. He knew Ashley was thinking the same thing.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm…okay. Rosewood's still exactly the same as when I left-" He stopped abruptly, aware of what he was saying. Ashley stiffened, but she tried not to show it, fiddling with the coffee maker. She poured out two mugs of fresh coffee and placed one before Caleb and sipped on one herself.

They didn't speak for a long time, the sound of the clock the only noise in the room. Caleb couldn't help but feel tense in this house. He had been here so many times before, even living here once, but the circumstances were different now. He didn't even know he was allowed back into this house until about 15 minutes ago.

Glancing around, he remembered where he had stood, telling Hanna that this was goodbye. He remembered her asking why, and him begging not to do this to him, even though he was the one doing it to her.

But he had to leave. He had to go, it wasn't a choice, and there was no way out of it. He had to go back to Ravenswood and regrettably say goodbye to Hanna. In all fairness, he was protecting her really, from the curse. If he could do that, protect her from it, as then at least there was a slight chance that Hanna wouldn't hate him. He felt his eyes begin to sting, and his lungs began to burn. His body felt achy and weak.

Then came the tears; fat silent tears that Caleb had no explanation for. God, how pathetic was he? Sat in his ex-girlfriends house, crying into a mug of coffee with her mother sat watching him. This really was the lowest of the low.

Ashley, not bearing to watch his pain any longer, grabbed his hand and squeezed it, trying to show him some comfort.

Caleb appreciated the gesture. Wiping his eyes, he offered her a smile that didn't meet his eyes, "Sorry"

"Don't apologise for crying. It happens to the best of us"

Caleb shook his head. He was so sick of feeling tired all the time, for no reason.

"No, I mean…for…"

"For what?" She pressed, still squeezing his hand.

"For hurting Hanna. For letting her go, just for everything Ms Marin"

Ashley nodded, accepting his apology. He stared at the mug in his hands, the untouched coffee now lukewarm. The strong scent made his stomach turn, so he stood up and emptied it down the sink, setting it down on the draining board.

"Is she okay?" He asked, staring out the window. He didn't see the look of surprise flash across Ashley Marin's face, as she realised that her daughter really wasn't okay.

"I.."

Caleb didn't need an answer, he could tell from the heavy silence. It told him all he needed to know.

Keeping his back to Ashley, Caleb ran his quivering hand through his dark hair, contemplating what to do next. Should he go back to his lonely apartment or find Hanna? Or maybe, what was best would be leaving Rosewood, and never coming back. But he had to see Hanna, just one last time.

"Thank you for the coffee." Caleb forced a smile on his face, turning around, "It was lovely."

Ashley frowned, "you didn't drink it."

"Oh"

"Caleb are you sure your okay?"

No. He was totally heartbroken, couldn't she see? He was lonely, empty and scared. He was missing a part of him. How could she even ask him that, when he clearly wasn't okay?

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you again Ms Marin, but I had better go"

She looked like she wanted him to stay, unsure that him being by himself was the best thing, but she could hardly talk him out of it. Like, Hanna, he was too headstrong for his own good.

Caleb was at the back door when he turned and looked at Ashley Marin. Her soft eyes were filled with sympathy and was that, love? Caleb couldn't be sure.

"She talks about you, in her sleep."

He felt his heart break again, into even smaller pieces. This time, tomorrow, Caleb was sure he wouldn't have one left.

"I'll see you later Ms Marin." He said, before closing the door behind him. He didn't want to hear her answer.


	8. Chapter 8: Promise Me

**Hi! Please review**

**-Natalie xo**

If you loved me

Why'd do you leave me?

-Kodaline-All I Want

It was a crisp, sunny day in Rosewood, which made Hanna uneasy for some reason. She kept thinking something bad was going to happen.  
After last night however, she wasn't sure things could get any worse for her. She had spent the evening sobbing her heart out in Aria's lap, trying to tell them why she was so upset. Spencer had automatically assumed the worse, despite normally being the level headed one out of the four, and freaked out.  
Oddly, she started rambling about Melissa and Alison, and kept asking if Paige was okay. In the end, Emily had told her to shut up, and she did, sitting down and apologising to Hanna.

After crying out all her tears and ruining Aria's blue shirt, she had fallen asleep, exhausted from her eventful day. When she awoke, she heard the hushed whispers of Emily, Aria and Spencer, talking about how worried they were for Hanna's health. But before Hanna could say anything, sleep claimed her, and she fell back into unconsciousness.

Now, she was sat on Ali's bed, her fingers distractedly playing with edge of a cushion. Alison was moving stuff around, dressed in a pair of dark jeans and bright t-shirt. It reminded Hanna of the stuff she was wearing the night she disappeared.

Pushing the armchair from its original place under the window, Alison looked up at Hanna. She wasn't usually so quiet.

"Hey Han, what's wrong?"

Hanna's head snapped up, a forced smile wearing thin on her face.

"Nothing, everything's tired."

Alison heard how rehearsed her monotone reply was, "Has this got anything to do with Caleb coming home?"

Hanna stiffened at the mention of his name. She chucked the pillow back to where she found it and climbed off the bed. Walking over to where Alison was stood, she picked up the ornaments from the table and moved them to the desk.

"Are we moving the table next?" She asked, ignoring Ali's question. Alison rolled her eyes and swatted away Hanna's hands.

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about."

"I'm not!" Hanna mumbled, "I just wanted to help you"

Sighing, Alison grabbed Hanna's pale hand and pulled her down to the edge of her pristine bed, "Talk to me Hanna. Don't shut me out"

"How did you know he was back?" Hanna asked in a timid voice, staring at the lines in her hands.

Alison tucked her hair behind her ear, "He was at this place I was at, drunk out of his mind. I put him in my car and drove him home. I asked him directions to his, and he is surprisingly helpful when he's out of it. I recognised him from that picture hidden in the bottom of your desk. Remember it? I saw it in there the other day"

Caleb, her Caleb was drunk?

"Was he really drunk?"

"I think drunk maybe an understatement Han. He looked miserable. The bartender said he'd been there since noon and he had almost drunk the place dry."

Hanna let was Ali was saying process in her mind. Since when did Caleb get drunk in the middle of the day? Actually, since when did Caleb get drunk ever?

"He kept saying your name Hanna, over and over in his sleep. He knew mine too, somehow. I said I was Vivian but he knew me." Alison looked at Hanna, properly, her blue eyes flickering over Hanna's shrinking frame. She looked so fragile, "He loves you Hanna, it's obvious."

"If he loved me, then why the hell did he leave me Alison?" Hanna exclaimed, suddenly jumping up from the bed with such force.

Alison steadied herself, "Talk to him. It's the best thing"

Hesitant, Hanna shrugged. She wanted to cry, but she was pretty sure she had cried out all her tears. She started to carry on clearing the table, but something stopped her.

"Ali? How did you get inside his? He must have had a lock, right?"

Alison looked up from the floor, leaning on the armchair she had moved a moment ago. She smiled, showing off her pearly teeth, "I asked where the spare key was, and he told me. His place was…" She drifted off, not finishing her sentence. The smile fell from her face.

Hanna waited, "what? His place was what?"

Ali looked like she wasn't going to say anything for a moment, her light eyes clouding over. She turned her back to Hanna and looked out the window.

"Go and see him please. Before he does something stupid"

Stupid? Now Hanna was really confused. What could Caleb possibly be capable of by himself?

"Alison tell me now or so help me god I will not be responsible for my-"

"I found pills in his place"

Hanna felt her body being dragged down to the bed and she felt weighted, like a force stronger than gravity was pulling her down. Instantly, her eyes moistened, and her stomach churned, making her regret that sandwich that Aria had forced down her.

"Pills? Like drugs?" She whispered.

"Sleeping pills. And empty bottles. There were so many empty bottles Hanna. Please just go and see him" Alison begged, a distinct sadness in her eyes. Hanna nodded, wiping her eyes before the tears fell. She excused herself from the room and wandered down the hall to Ali's upstairs bathroom. Slamming the door shut behind her, she sunk down to the floor and screamed into her hands.

Her throat was raw and the sick started to rise. She jumped up and opened the toilet seat, watching with horror as the contents of her stomach sprayed down the toilet, splattered with blood. Rinsing out her mouth and flushing the toilet, Hanna took a deep breath. She forced herself to the look in the mirror.

What she saw, she did not recognise.

xxx

Mona Vanderwaal was always saving Hanna's arse. First, she took the blame for killing Wilden, to protect Hanna and her mum, and now, she was doing this. Of course, it didn't matter that this time she had actually committed the crime; she was always protecting Hanna.

Despite what most people thought, Hanna was special to her. After Alison left, Hanna was a lost puppy, fat and unhappy. Then, Loser Mona came along and turned that upside down. Hanna was no longer hefty Hanna, and she was suddenly hot, popular and thin. It was all she had ever wanted.

But now, Hanna was a mess, and it hurt Mona to see her this way. She knew Caleb was back, and she knew Hanna had found out. If she hadn't stolen Travis's truck and run down little weasel Paige, then Hanna would have never found out, and Caleb would have drunk himself into oblivion.

Yes, Mona had done it in the hope that it would shock Paige so much that she would not tell Emily about New York. So really, in Monas opinion, it had all worked out well.

Walking into that police station felt like walking on a red carpet to Mona. She recognised Mrs Hasting walking in with Detective Tanner. They both gave her odd looks when she sauntered in, swishing her skirt.

To Mona, this was all a huge adventure. It was thrilling to her. She loved the feeling that lying gave her. It woke her up inside.

Detective Holbrook was behind the desk, his dark hair sticking up all over

Mona had always found him quite sexy. He stood up when he saw her coming over, but before he could ask her why she was here, Mona opened her mouth, a wicked sile forming on her lips.

"I stole Travis Hobb's truck. And I ran down Paige McCullers. She got in the way, and what's a girl to do?"

She heard the gasp behind her, and then the cold metal kissed her skin, as the handcuffs locked her hands behind her back.


	9. Chapter 9: Hold On To Me

**Re-upload because something went wrong before, sorry!**

**please review**

**-Natalie xo**

I know I've got my problems and it starts with me

She saw something inside that I can't see

Mayday Parade- Hold On To Me

Earlier on today Caleb Rivers had been in the kitchen, pouring himself a drink, when he heard the news.

"Estranged teen Mona Vanderwaal has come forward and admitted to purposely running down Paige McCullers, in Travis Hobb's truck. We have contacted a spokesperson from Rosewood P.D to give a full statement."

Caleb immediately stopped pouring his drink and stared at the TV in the other room. Mona? She was the one who hit Paige?

Frowning, he knocked back the drink. It wasn't so bad anymore, the kick the drink gave him, but it probably was bad that he had become accustomed to it. The fiery liquid slipped down his throat, as thick as honey. He felt it travel through his veins.

He felt Hanna is his veins. He had searched all around Rosewood for her, her house, the Brew and the Apple Grill. Finally, he had stopped outside Spencer's house, wondering if maybe she was in there. But nobody was home. The house was deadly silent, and there were no cars in the drive.

So he had gone home. It wasn't really a home, more of a lonely place where he drunk his feelings.

It was getting dark out now, the summer light fading to darkness. It was still pretty though, the lights of The Brew lighting up his apartment. Even though he had paid his electricity bills, Caleb still preferred to keep the lights off. It stopped him from walking past the mirror and not recognising his own face.

That gave him a shock all right, seeing a hollow cheeked, scraggly drunk. On the plus side, he was no longer longhaired, having visited the salon and getting it all chopped off. It was now short and rugged, showing off Caleb's fine cheekbones.

Why was it so hard? Why was life doing this to him? He had been through enough, being shot, his mum being run down and the curse in Ravenswood. Was it so hard to ask that he could at least get back the one person he cared about the most?

Hanna was everything to him before he left. Everything he did he did it all for her, to protect her.

Because that's what you do to the people you love, you protect them. And now, four months later, she was still everything to him. She was the reason he struggled for breath in the early light of the morning.

Flopping down on the couch, Caleb was flicking through channels, from the news to the basketball game on the other side. There was also some freaky horror film on, which he knew Hanna would be watching.

His head whipped up. Did he just hear that? Was it…yes, a faint knock on the door, like someone was too scared to knock loud enough. Who would be knocking at his door at 10:30 on a Sunday night?

Setting down the remote and his half empty bottle of whiskey, Caleb trudged to his door, his body feeling heavy. He pulled open the door, ready to face whoever was out there.

What he saw made his knees go weak. There, standing in front of him was a petite blonde, with blue eyes and small nose.

"Hanna?" He whispered, not believing that she was really in front of him.

"Hi Caleb" she replied, biting down on her pink lips. He remembered she did that when she was nervous or worried about something.

"Well," She said breathlessly, looking so beautiful that Caleb had trouble concentrating on what she was saying, "Are you going to invite me in or not?"

A smile quivered at his mouth. Same old Hanna: blunt as ever.

He stepped back into his apartment and opened the door wide for her to come in. She cautiously walked in, treading carefully, like she might wake up at any second.  
He knew exactly how she felt. It was so surreal to see her here, in his apartment, after so long.

Her hands delicately danced along his walls, objects and belongings. She stopped at the opening to his living room and kitchen, seeming to be wary. She flicked her head round and looked at him questioningly, "Caleb, I need to ask you something, and I need an honest answer."

Oh god, he thought, here it comes. She's going to ask him why he left her.

"Are you okay? Honestly? Not like she looks okay or lunch was okay, but a real answer. Are you doing well, or have you been as miserable as I have?" She laughed slightly at the end of the sentence, a light airy one that made Caleb's heart flutter soundlessly. He bit down on his lip; she was about to find out for herself. He moved past her, entering into the living room. He had added the splash of colour in the form of empty bottles of alcohol strewn across the wooden floor. Some had a sliver of drink inside them, which caught the tree tights from outside his window.

Hanna had stopped dead in her tracks, scanning the room with her freckled blue eyes. She seemed to sink into herself a little, suddenly looking very small in the doorway.

He noticed she was wearing a pair of plum jeans, and a grey t-shirt, which didn't exactly cover much. The hem of the t-shirt had ridden up and exposed the smooth skin of her stomach. It also dipped down between the valley of her breasts where a golden chain lay. He recognised the necklace from when Jamie had given it to her, as a thank you present. She was still wearing it?

He glanced up at her face, which was expressionless, her cold eyes staring blankly at a fixed point in his sofa. A motorbike whizzed past outside, and in that moment Hanna's eyes watered and she looked at him, "Oh Caleb. What have you done to yourself?" She breathed, her hand flying up to her mouth.

He didn't have an answer for that. Shrugging, Caleb looked at his TV screen, blinking away on mute. He couldn't bear looking at Hanna when she was about to burst into tears. It made his inside twist knowing he couldn't comfort her.

She dumped her bag on the little stool by the kitchen and opened the fridge, wrinkling her nose at the stench of booze.

"Have you eaten yet?"

His eyes rolled over her, taking in every single piece of her. She was much thinner than before, her jeans riding low in her bony hips.

"More importantly, have you eaten yet Hanna?"

She blushed, "No, but I'm starving. Want to order a pizza?

"Sure"

Was this normal, the normality of their actions? Is that what usually happened after break ups? Caleb was hesitant, as he was so certain that Hanna would hate

"What do you want? The normal-hello, hi? Can I order one medium pepper and bbq chicken and one small margarita? Yep, with garlic bread. Thank you"

She clicked off her phone, "Be ready in 20 minutes, and only a tenner, total bargain-"

"Hanna what are you doing?

She placed her phone down on the counter top and fished her purse from her bag on the stool.

"I'm paying silly"

"No, I mean what are you doing here, right now?" Caleb risked asking. She stiffened, and straightened up, gripping her purse in her hand.

"I wanted to see you" She clarified.

Shit. He knew he was about cry.

'Hanna, I left you remember? Four months?"

He needed to say anything to make her scream or shout at him. Being nice was not Hanna, and he knew she had a lot to say.

"I…" The question seemed to throw her off track. Unexpectedly, her light eyes turned dark and menacing.

"You don't think I know that? You don't think that I know four months have gone by since you upped and left me? It's been fucking agony for me! Having to sit and wait around for you to maybe come back home and see me. Having to go through all of this by myself? You think it's been easy for me to watch everyone else be happy and okay, when I'm not? I've missed you like crazy, but I can't allow myself to think like that when you're never going to be mine again. And I get that you may not want me around because you don't love me anymore, but right now I don't care because its been an eternity since I have seen you, and if you're here, then I want to be here with you"

He looked at her like she was crazy.

"How the hell do you think that I don't love you anymore? Hanna, you are the fucking reason I came home! I physically couldn't bear to be without you any longer and that's why I came home. For you. I came back here to this dark place because I missed you and it made me hate myself because I was the reason I was missing you."

Shit, he thought. There's no holding back the tears now. They fell from his dark eyes as he tried to hold back a mangled groan.

"Hanna I love you. I am in love with you and I don't want to be without you anymore."

Hanna seemed to gasp as Caleb collapsed back into the sofa, balling his fists harshly into his eye sockets. Her small hands grabbed his and pulled them from his face, her own tears falling with his. When he looked up, he saw she was kneeling in front of him, looking broken.

"Hanna" He gasped, "I'm such an idiot to have ever let you go"

She smiled, nodding, "Yes, yes you are"

And with that, she clambered onto his lap, as he cried softly into her shoulder.


	10. Chapter 10: Familiar

**Looong chapter, but oh well**

**Excited for PLL tonight!  
Please review**

**-Natalie xo**

Time stands still the way it did before

It's like I'm sleep walking

Sleepwalking-Bring Me The Horizon

In Hanna's opinion, last night had been right. It felt familiar the way she felt Caleb's chest rising and falling, or the way that the apartment smelt like him. It felt right and normal waking up in his lap, the sunlight filtering through the gaps in his blinds. His arms were wrapped around her waist, his fingers softly dancing across the skin under the top of her jeans. His hands were tangled in her hair, reminding her of when they used to watch movies, while playing with her hair distractedly.

She had kicked her shoes off in the night, leaving her feet bare and warm in the early sunshine. She ran them up and down his leg contently, not believing that she was here, in his apartment.

Despite Hanna feeling on top of the world, she was conflicted. Was this how everything was supposed to end up? Were they just supposed to forget every single thing that happened and just move on?  
Not that what had happened wasn't what she wanted, she just felt like there was so much unsaid between them. Why hadn't she screamed at him, or punched him like she had thought she would? Why did she cave that easily?

Its because he is everything to her. Caleb is the love of her life and the moment she saw him every single part of her anger just disappeared. It was different, seeing him back. It wasn't like she was expecting everything to go back to normal straight away, but seeing him had been different for her.

He looked different. His hair was short now, and his skin had a slight tan. His eyes were darker now, like something had changed in them.  
His body was bulkier now, with thick muscles that made Hanna weak at the knees, and there was slight stubble on his face. He looked older, more handsome. But he looked tired, broken. It gave Hanna chills.

Everything seemed different, yet the same.

His apartment was still too white. She would have to change that.

Her body went cold. What the hell was she doing thinking something like that?

Would Caleb still want her around after that? Last night he told her he loved her, but that didn't explain why he left her.

Caleb's breathing slowed down, and he fidgeted underneath her, tightening his grip around her waist.

"Hey" He whispered into her hair.

Hanna smiled, "Hey you. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes. That was the first time in a long time I've slept through the whole night without the help of pills." Caleb said slowly. Sighing, Hanna felt her heart pang with guilt. He was using them because of her.

"So my snoring didn't wake you then?" Hanna asked jokingly, pulling herself up from his grip and sitting properly on his lap. He groaned as she moved away from his touch, like he didn't want to let go.

"Well, your snoring didn't wake me no, but your body on top of me almost did"

Hanna raised her eyebrow, "Almost?"

Laughing for the first time in what felt like forever, Caleb pulled Hanna down on top of him. His hands were exploring all over her body, brushing lightly over her arms and neck. He planted a kiss on her wrinkled up nose, "Almost" He repeated.

Outside, the sun was now risen high in the sky, surrounded by bright blue.

Hanna hoped her mum wouldn't call Aria and ask to see Hanna, because Hanna had told her she was sleeping at Arias, then had wound up at Caleb's.

She didn't really know why she had gone to his. Maybe it had been because of what Alison said; Hanna didn't really trust her that much anymore. But it could have also been that she wanted to see him so badly. The thought of him being in the same town as her, but not with her made her sick to her stomach.

Hanna looked down at him, staring at his long dark eyelashes.  
He was beautiful.

"What?" He whispered, watching her eyes flicker over his face.

Hanna, blushing pink, smiled sweetly at him, "Nothing" She replied.

Caleb raised his dark eyebrow and shrugged, his smile lighting up his eyes, "I missed this. Us."

Hanna froze. Quickly, she pulled herself up from him and stood over the other side of the room, feeling uncomfortable. Immediately she regretted that decision, after seeing the unmistakable hurt in his wide eyes.

"Hanna?" He stood up from the sofa, his white shirt crumpled and showing off his torso, "What is it? What's wrong?" His voice was filled with concern.

But Hanna didn't know what was wrong. It just hit her hard, what he had said about missing them, and freaked out. It made her angry, hearing him say that. It was his fault that he missed them, his fault that he left her behind.

"Hanna, are you okay?"

She turned her back to him, looking out the window. Was she okay? How are you supposed to answer a question when you have no idea anymore?

She heard him pattering over behind her, and sensed him about to touch her, "Hanna." He was whispering.

She turned to face him, "D-don't touch me…please not right now" Hanna flinched away from his outstretched hands, "Sorry Caleb," She smiled sadly at him.

He nodded, moving to the kitchen, "Breakfast?" He asked, trying to disguise the sadness in his voice.

Hanna nodded, realising that last night they didn't actually eat. The pizza guy must have come, but Hanna didn't remember answering the door. All she remembered from last night was falling asleep in his lap, her face still wet from her salty tears.

"Er…I'm gonna have to run to the shop and grab some stuff, cause it seems like I'm all out." He glanced up at her from the fridge, "Unless you fancy some barbeque sauce and a pepper?" He joked, a poor attempt to lighten the mood.

Hanna leaned on the marble counter top, her flimsy t-shirt falling down a little. Caleb gulped and averted his eyes.

"I think I'll do without thanks, though I wouldn't mind a croissant or some cinnamon buns-oh! Some bacon and egg rolls!" Now that Hanna was thinking of food, her stomach was rumbling loudly. She hadn't eaten properly in several weeks, just nibbling on food or only eaten when forced too. However, every time she did eat a full meal, she couldn't keep it down, and it ended up down the toilet.

"Sure. I'll be back in a couple minutes okay? Just wait for me?"

Hanna nodded, frowning, "Of course I'll wait for you. Why would you think that I wouldn't?"

He shut the fridge and leaned over to her, planting a soft kiss on her forehead, "No reason" Was all he said, as he picked up his wallet and keys, leaving Hanna behind.

Her first thought when he left was: I hope he gets blueberries, as she had an odd craving for them. But then, as she sat down on his couch, a wave anxiety washed over her, and her second thought was: He's left again.

Her breathing became shallow and irregular and her pulse quickened, like she was about to have a panic attack. Maybe she was.

The room started to spin, the sun streaming in through the window, causing her temporary blindness. She couldn't see anything as the yellow sunlight dazzled into her eyes. She felt like her world was collapsing on her, her chest felt tight and she couldn't think straight. It was like struggling to breathe, with plenty of air around you.

All she could think of was Caleb. She kept thinking he had left her again.

"He's gone to the shops!" She muttered under her breath, "Just gone to the shops! Stop freaking out, its nothing" She told herself.

Shakily, she pushed herself off of the couch and cranked open his window, letting in the cold air. It calmed her nerves a little, the rush of the wind.  
Why was she freaking out about him leaving for the shops? He was just outside, just down stairs. What was wrong with her?

Everything was wrong with her. She kept thinking he would leave her again. He had simply gone to get her breakfast, not leaving for a whole other town.

She needed to chill. She needed to take a deep breath and stop panicking just because he had left the room.

Hanna took several deep breaths and tucked her hair behind her ears. Maybe if she took a shower, then it would be better. She would be calmer.

She found the bathroom just off the hall, next to the bedroom. It, unlike the rest of the apartment, was filled with colour. The suite was white, but the walls were a light yellow, and the tiles were a dark maroon. Surprisingly, it calmed Hanna's nerves a little. She had been in this bathroom a million times before, but now it seemed unnatural to be in it. The shower looked inviting, but Hanna just didn't feel like having one. In fact, she didn't feel like doing anything when he wasn't here with her.

What surprised her was that this morning, when Caleb had said he missed them, she had freaked out, saying she needed time. But the thing was she didn't need time to think about it. It was clear as day to her that she wanted to be with Caleb, there was no questions asked.

But what if he didn't feel the same way?

The front door slammed shut, and Hanna ran out from the bathroom, finding Caleb hovering around in the kitchen. His face was relaxed, having hopefully forgotten what she had done this morning.

"Caleb your back!" She said, flinging her arms around him. Taken a-back, he dropped the bag of food onto the tile floor. His arms snaked around her body, his face buried in her blonde locks.

"What happened? Why are you so excited to see me?" He asked, and then regretted it. He knew exactly why.

Hanna, pulling back from him a little, kissed him on the lips, "I'm not, I'm just excited for the food" She joked. He leant down and drew his lips to hers.

"Sure you are" He smiled, against her soft lips.

They both stopped, realising that this was their first real kiss on the lips, since he had come home. It felt right to Hanna.

"So… Breakfast?" She asked, feeling her stomach rumble.

Caleb rolled his eyes and retrieved breakfast from the floor, "You and your stomach eh?"

Hanna laughed, a loud, honest laugh that filled the whole apartment and made Caleb feel woozy inside, "Just give me the food Caleb" She joked, pulling on a serious face. Caleb grinned lazily, making Hanna falter. She could never resist that grin.

"Oh, I'll give you the food all right Han" He replied, picking up Hanna's cinnamon bun and stuffing it down her top. He then picked up a can of whipped cream and shook it, aiming at her.

She moved backwards, holding out her hands, "No. Caleb no" She begged, trying to get the crumbs out from her cleavage.

He smiled wickedly and raised one eyebrow, "Ready?"

"Caleb stop! STOP!" She shrieked, moving out from the kitchen to behind the sofa. Caleb shook the can and flicked off the lid, aiming straight at Hanna. She shrieked again, and ran backwards, out of the front door. Caleb was close on her tail.

Her heart pounding in her chest, and her loud, happy laugh was echoing loudly through the hall. She pulled open the glass doors at the front of his building, Caleb grabbing her waist. He shoved her to the wall, wrapping his hands in her blonde curls.

"I love you Hanna."

She smiled, the room spinning, "I love you too"


	11. Chapter 11: Sink Or Swim

**Hiya! Sorry for the late update!  
That Haleb kiss on PLL last night was amazinggggg**

**please review -Natalie xo**

Sometimes I hear her cries, silence is the dirtiest trick in life  
If I'm so empty, then why do I feel alive?

Slaves-My Soul Is Empty And Full Of White Girls

"Do you think she will remember the accident?" Aria looked up at the sky, "I mean it's been quite a long time since it happened, she could have forgotten with all of that medicine in her system."

Spencer nodded, "I think it's a possibility, but the doctors said she was recovering well, didn't they Em?"

Emily, perched on the edge of her plastic seat, looked up with wide eyes, "Hmm?"

It wasn't a surprise that Em wasn't concentrating, considering the past few days. It had been a lot of stress on everybody, but mostly Emily.

Ever since Mona had confessed to running down Paige, Hanna knew that it was a blow to Emily's system. If Mona was able to run down another person that Emily cared about, what else could she do?

The four girls were sat in the Hospital waiting room, the stench of disinfectant and sounds of pleas for help circling around them.  
Hanna hated hospitals, has done since she ended up in there after Mona ran her down. It was also the first time she had dreamt of Alison since her disappearance, but now that Hanna was thinking about it, it was actually the first time she had seen Alison. She had really been there, sat with Hanna in her room.

"Em, are you doing okay? You seem lost in another world" Aria said, nudging Em with her elbow.

Emily smiled momentarily, "Wouldn't that be heaven, to be in another world? Paige would be okay"

"A wouldn't be bugging us"

"Alison would have never left"

"But we wouldn't know each other." Hanna muttered under her breath, not realising that all of girls were staring at her.

"True. And that would be the worst thing to ever happen to us" Spencer smiled for the first time since entering the hospital.

They fell into silence, the only sound in the waiting room becoming the ring of the telephone and the distant cries of a lost soul.

Hanna felt a little sick. Her head was pounding and her stomach was playing tricks on her, one moment yelling at her to eat, the next screaming that it was going to burst.

Maybe it was nerves, she thought. Could it be nerves? But what was she nervous for, Paige? Seeing Caleb after yesterday? Going home to an empty house after her Mum had flown to New York this morning?

"Hanna!"

Was someone calling her name?

"Hanna Marin! Come on…Hanna!" Spencer was shaking her shoulders, her grip tight through Hanna's fluffy jumper. Her dark eyes were filled with concern as they flickered over Hanna's face.

"What?" Hanna snapped, shrugging off Spencer's firm grip and jumping up from her plastic seat. Emily and Aria had disappeared from their seats.

"We're going to see Paige" Spencer said, "Are you…okay?"

Hanna looked up at her, seeing two of Spencer's concerned face. She needed to get out of the hospital before she fainted or did something that everyone would see. She was sick to death of people asking her if she's okay.

"I'm fine! Just got a headache, I might actually go home and get some sleep, tell Paige I came by?"

Before Spencer could say anything else, Hanna rushed past her and into the closing lift, catching the confusion spread across Spencer's face, as the doors closed.

Hanna breathed a sigh of relief and leant back against the cool metal casing of the lift. She could see her distorted reflection in the mirror in front of her, and quickly patted down her hair, brushing away the sleep from her eyes and straightening out her necklaces.

The fluffy jumper she was wearing was the first girly thing she had worn since Alison had come back, and it made Hanna feel sick. It just reminded her of Alison and how things had really been turned upside down in Hanna's life. One moment, she was Miss Fashion star, queen of all things girly and skirts. Now that Ali had just sauntered back into their lives, Hanna had found herself steering clear of anything remotely similar to what Ali would wear, and throwing on ripped jeans and dark colours.

Her hair had black undertones, her clothes had become darker, and so had Hanna's life. Alison had undone every tie she had ever made in this god-forsaken town in a matter of minutes. She had distanced herself from her friends, becoming somebody she was not. She had become a mere shadow of her former self, and an unhappy one to be precise.

Caleb was the only good thing in her life right now. He was kind of the only stable thing in her life. Her friends could easily turn on her, and it seemed lately like they were, ever since Mona had confessed and Ali had come back. It was like they blamed her for the way Mona had turned out.

Then Alison was back to her manipulative self. She had caused tension between Hanna and Emily, and was already pulling pathetic attention seeking scenes where she played the victim in all of this.

Hanna knew better. She knew that Alison was doing this just so that she could become the popular bitch again. Hanna knew the game she was playing, and Alison didn't fool her one bit.

The rickety lift shuddered to a halt, and the doors slid open, exposing Hanna to the lobby. Her eyes struggled to adjust to the bright light, which made Hanna's headache ten times worse.  
She stepped out of the lift, passing an old man muttering to himself in a wheelchair and started at the doors in the entrance, where a group of little kids were huddled. The nurse broke them apart, and grabbed the arm of a small blonde child, with tubes going into his nose. She pulled him to her arms and hugged him ferociously, like she was scared he was about to disappear. Maybe he already had, Hanna thought.

What was she going to do now? She didn't have a plan, and despite what she told Spencer, Hanna did not want to go home to an empty house. But she needed to get away from the noise at least, and find somewhere to curl into herself.

Home was probably the best bet, Hanna decided, and at home was her duvet, which she wished she was wrapped up in now.

"Hanna! Wait up!"

Hanna turned to see a familiar face running towards her, with smooth brown curls dancing around her shoulders.

"Aria? What is it? Is it Paige?"

Aria shook her head, trying to catch her breath before Hanna jumped to any more conclusions, "No, Paige is good, but Spencer said you were going to go home, why?"

"Headache" Hanna shrugged, hoping Aria would drop it.

But to her disappointment, Aria stood in front of Hanna, blocking her quick exit, "Don't lie to me Hanna, something's been going on with you for ages"

Hanna ran her shaky hand through her hair and took a deep breath, "No, Aria, nothing has been going on with me at all. I'm fine. So drop it please."

Aria opened her mouth, but shut it quickly, seeming unsure of what to say.

Hanna swerved around Aria and made for the door quickly.

Aria rubbed the bridge of her nose, "Let me drive you home, you didn't bring your car"

Hanna stopped in her tracks, realising that Aria was right, and it was a long walk to her house from the hospital.

"Fine, you can drive me" Hanna said over her shoulder, as she pulled open the entrance doors.

In all honesty, Hanna was actually appreciative of the company right now, and silently thanked Aria for being stubborn. She needed someone to just sit with her and let her think. Aria wasn't a pressing person, and she preferred for you to tell her things in your own time.

They pulled out of the car park in silence, the low roar of the engine filling the silence between them. Aria would look at Hanna every so often, and each time Hanna would purposely look away, so she didn't have to see the hurt in Aria's eyes.

"Hanna…" Aria said slowly, as if she was uncertain of what to say next. Hanna's name hung between them in the air, until Hanna finally turned away from the window and looked at Aria.

"Aria, do you ever regret letting Alison to come back?"

Hanna was expecting a gasp from Aria, and for her to tell her she was a terrible friend, but Aria did none of them. Instead she laughed softly, and pulled up outside Hanna's house. She clicked off the engine.

"Hanna, I regret it every single day. As terrible as it sounds, but the moment Alison came back into our lives, it tore apart everything we had worked for. She set fire to every single theory we had and let the ashes fall in a heap at our feet. The second she came back, she had control of us again, and we are her puppets. I'm not saying that I don't want her here, because I do. I'm so happy that she is back and alive and all right. But the way she walked back in here like nothing had changed just makes my body go cold. She made us targets again, with A, with the police, with anybody that ever hated Alison, expect now they hate us ten times more than before, because we brought her home. But that's the truth isn't it, and the bottom-line Hanna. We brought her home. Home is where she belongs."

Hanna let Aria's words sink in. She was right, this was Alison's home. But did it excuse Alison's behaviour? No, she was dividing the four of them. Especially Emily and Hanna. Alison had torn apart their trust, ever since she had come back. And Emily was stupid enough to let her, because she had fallen in love with her.

"Hanna, can I ask you a question, and don't bite my head off."

"Shoot" Hanna mumbled, fiddling with her seat belt. Aria copied her and unclicked her seat belt, turning to face the passenger seat.

"Why are you starving yourself?"

Shock riddled through Hanna's body, and she found it hard to breathe. She had been expecting a question like, what do you think about Emily and Alison, or do you want to stay at mine tonight because you're Mum's not here, not that. Her mouth became dry and she licked her lips to keep them from going white and chapped.

"W-what? Why… why would you even ask that?" Hanna said.

Aria looked at her properly. She had black mascara smudged down her left cheek, and there was a cluster of bruises over her neck.

"Hanna, don't do this. I didn't want to ask you this, but it's becoming apparent that you are not eating, and it's been this way since Caleb left. You will only eat small portions, or when forced, and if you do, you go straight to the toilet afterwards. You think I don't recognise an eating disorder when I see one?"

Hanna couldn't breathe. The air in the car was heavy and hot and full of questions that Hanna couldn't answer.

"You have been quiet and distant and lost since Caleb left, and I know it broke something in you. I know that you are struggling with all of this, Ali coming back and Caleb coming back and everything but I promise you, doing that to yourself will not help. Hanna please promise me that you will stop starving yourself"

She couldn't help it any longer; the tears were pouring down her face, tears for Ali, Caleb and herself. Aria was right; Caleb leaving her had broken something inside her. She was different now, not the same sweet, girly Hanna she was before.

Hanna hated change in most circumstances, like when her favourite character from TV died, or when her mother brought home saver menus instead of brand menus. This occasion was no different; this change in her was not good.

Hanna hadn't noticed she was doing it. It just happened.

"You're right Aria. I haven't been eating much anymore, but because I have had no appetite to eat. Everything is tasteless to me now. Caleb leaving really shocked me and it affected every choice I made, you know? Because he was such a big part in my life, and then one day he wasn't and I was left to drown out the feelings I had for him in my tears. And that's what I did. The day he left I lost my appetite and I have never really regained it, that is, until yesterday. Yesterday I saw Caleb and I slept in his arms again and it was wonderful, but I don't know what to do now. I thought Alison coming home would make everything better but it became worse, I thought Caleb staying away from me would lessen my affections for him, but it hasn't at all. I care too deeply for him, and that is my downfall. Aria, I-I can't do this anymore! I can't carry on with this misery any longer. I'm sick and I'm so fucking tired of everything. I can't keep seeing Caleb when a part of me fears he will just get up and leave me again. I can't be friends with Alison any more, when she has torn down every single part of me and she doesn't seem to care. I can't let people get hurt trying to protect me anymore. I just can't. I'm sorry, but I can't do it anymore!"

When Aria Montgomery watched Hanna go through her parents divorce, she thought she was the strongest person in the world to watch her parents fall out of love. When she saw Hanna be hit by a car that one of her closets friends were driving, Hanna recovered and forgave Mona, and Aria saw again how strong Hanna was to let go of everything that Mona had done.

When Hanna stopped drinking and gave up stealing, Aria again wondered how she hadn't broken apart yet, after everything that had happened to her.

When Caleb left her the first time, Aria wondered how Hanna was able to let herself be hurt by him, when she was so strong. Then when they got back together, Aria saw that he put her back together.

But now, as Aria watched Hanna break down in front of her, she saw just how weak Hanna had become. How everything had worn her down and how hard she was finding it to stay above the water.

"Oh Hanna," Aria whispered.

She saw how her best friend was hurting and she was powerless to stop it. It was like trying to stop the ocean from burying the sand with its strong current.

She didn't know what to do to help.

"Han, why didn't you say anything?"

Hanna stared out of the windscreen at her house, noticing how empty and hollow it looked.

"Do you know what its like," She started, "To feel like your whole world is crashing down, but your friends are happy and okay? You can't tell them because all it does is bring them down, and then you are to blame for ruining you're friends mood. No, it's better to keep it all to yourself and inside."

Aria shook her head, disbelieving what she was hearing, "No Hanna, don't ever think that! We are you friends, and that means you talk to us, whether its 4 am and all you need is someone to watch a movie with you, you talk to us."

"I can talk to you, and Spencer, but Emily hates me and Alison drives me insane"

"Not true. Em loves you Hanna, that's why she got mad at you"

Hanna shrugged, wiped her tears and planted a kiss on Aria's head, "I'll see you later Aria. I'm going to go and get some rest. Thank you for this."

Aria looked hesitant to letting Hanna be by herself, but she couldn't do anything to stop her, "Are you sure you should be alone? I can come in if you want-"

"Aria, don't worry. If I need you I will call you. I'm probably just going to stick on a movie and get some sleep"

Aria sighed and clicked her seatbelt back on, "See you later Han."

Hanna shut the door behind her and looked up at her house as Aria's car pulled away.

It felt better to have gotten everything off her chest, even if there were some things she had kept back. She needed to talk to Caleb next, but Hanna had no idea where he was, and she had a headache. Maybe going to sleep was best.

But as Hanna entered her door, and threw down her bag, she didn't walk up the stairs to her bedroom. Instead she found herself on the kitchen floor, a bottle of vodka in her trembling hand. Squeezing her eyes shut, Hanna threw back the vile liquid, and felt it travel through her body, until she could feel no more.


	12. Chapter 12: Bloodstream

**Please Review!**

**-Natalie xo**

Maybe tonight I'll call you

After my blood has turned into alcohol

-Ed Sheeran-Give Me Love

It was 12 o'clock in the morning when Caleb's phone rang, the deafening tone ringing through his ears. He jolted awake, grabbing his phone and flipping it open.

"Hello?" He mumbled, his voice tired and heavy.

There was a scuffle on the line and the sound of something smashing, "C-Caleb ehh!"

He knew that voice, whether it was riddled with drunken slurs or screaming at him. Running his hand through his dark hair, Caleb wondered why Hanna would be calling him at this time of the morning, "Hanna?"

"Who else silly?" She giggled. Caleb heard commotion on the line, then the sound of something else being smashed again. He pulled himself up from his bed, thankful that he had thrown away his pills. If he had taken them, he would have missed her call.

"What's wrong Hanna? Why are you calling me at…" He looked at his alarm clock on his bedside table, "at 12 in the morning?"

Hanna took a long time to answer, which worried Caleb immensely.

"Hanna?" He pressed.

The line went fuzzy, but then Caleb realised it was actually Hanna crying.

"I-I need y-you. Please help me"

Caleb was already out of bed, pulling on a jumper and shoes. He grabbed his keys from the kitchen counter and slammed the door shut behind him.

"Hanna, I'm on my way okay? Don't do anything stupid and just…just please be okay"

Caleb waited for a response from her, as he stuttered his car to life. The night sky was dark, and there were no stars out.

"Caleb, I'm sorry," She cried, and then the line went dead.

With the sound of his heart beating in his ears, Caleb threw down his phone and raced down the road, in the direction of Hanna' house.

What could she be doing? He heard what sounded like glass smash in the background; maybe she had just dropped something and cut her hand.

She wouldn't do anything stupid, would she?

He pulled up outside her house, putting the car in park and racing out to her house. The front door was locked, so, without wasting anytime, Caleb sprinted around the back. The back door was locked, unusually, but the kitchen light wasn't on. Caleb hoped that Hanna was here, and not anywhere else.

"Hanna!"

He rattled on the back door, trying to force it open.

"Hanna!"

There was a muffled sound from inside the kitchen, and then Caleb heard the glass smash again. Small splinters of it skidded across the floor, and Caleb realised that Hanna was behind the island.

"Hanna, let me in!"

He pushed against the glass door, until finally, it gave way, and the lock popped open. Without any hesitation, Caleb fought his way inside to Hanna.

Fear froze his body before he could reach her.

On the floor in front of him, lay Hanna, slumped against the cupboards. Around her was smashed glass and spilled liquor, which started a fire in Caleb's stomach.

She was wearing a fluffy jumper, with ripped jeans, and her blonde hair was in a ponytail on her head, showing off the black undertone.

At first, Caleb thought she was all right, just drunk out of her mind.

She looked at him with blurry eyes, "Caleb…"

Caleb blinked at her, "Han, why-"

Then Caleb noticed dark stains on her jumper, and a single shiver ran down his spine.

Blood was dripping from Hanna's arm, collecting in a puddle by her legs. At a total loss of what to do, Caleb hovered above her, his hands close enough to touch her.

She looked up at him, her saucer blue eyes wide, "Caleb, w-what are you doing here?" She wildly looked around, giggling, "Are you real? Am I dreaming?"

Her fingers griped at his wrist, trying to pull herself up or pull him down. She struggled for a moment, staring helplessly at Caleb.

He simply stood there, motionless.

"Are you going to h-help me, or just stare at me?"

She held out her hand, and the hot blood trickled down it in droplets.

"Hanna" Caleb whispered, watching as Hanna pulled up her sleeve, to reveal a large gash in her upper arm, covered in vibrant blood.

"Oh. When did I do that?" She muttered under her breath, squinting at the cut.

"You're drunk Hanna, you probably did it when you were recklessly knocking back those 3 bottles of vodka. Are you stupid?" He crouched down next to her, placing his thumb and finger under her trembling chin. He pushed her fringe out of her face, "Hanna, are you unhappy? Do you have a death wish or do you just like to worry me?"

Her eyes didn't focus on him, despite him being so close to her face.

She exhaled slowly, "I'm not drunk"

"Hanna, you called me at 12am, asking me to help you, and I race around here and you have forgotten you asked me to come round. You also have somehow cut your arm, yet you don't even notice"

Hanna blinked at him, then looked down at the blood staining her skin. Suddenly, her blue eyes became wide, and she jolted up, "Caleb! I'm bleeding!"

He supressed the urge to laugh at her, instead he softly kissed her forehead.

"Look, don't panic. I'm going to get you to hospital-"

"NO! No hospital. Caleb no please" She struggled against him, flailing her arms around in panic.

He grabbed her hands and pulled them to her sides, "Hanna, it's okay"

"No," she shook her head, "Please, promise me. No hospital"

He was sure he just heard his heart break.

"Fine. I promise, no hospital. But at least let me clean it up."

She nodded, letting him lead her to the table. He retrieved the first aid kit and sat her down on one of the chairs.

Her cheeks were burning.

"I won't hurt you." He said.

Hanna's eyes clouded over, and she looked away from him, staring at her back door.

"How many times have I heard that before?"

Caleb fumbled with the bandages, trying to disguise how much that hurt. Hanna didn't seem to notice, and she slightly fell backwards on the table. Caleb quickly grabbed her shoulders and held her upright.

"Hanna, don't sleep just yet" His voice cracked, portraying the pain he felt for her. She was hurting, obviously. Why else would she be getting drunk by herself?

She was happy just yesterday; it felt like a lifetime ago to Caleb. He missed the sparkling touch of her fingers on his body, the way she mumbled in her sleep.

He missed the old Hanna.

It was a horrible thought to say; especially because he was the reason that Hanna was like this now. He had broken something inside her, something that he couldn't fix.

Caleb dabbed at the cut, which thankfully wasn't that deep. He cleaned away all of the blood and wiped a little alcohol over it, wincing himself when Hanna didn't.

He finished cleaning her cut and pushed aside the kit, staring at her. She was still staring aimlessly out of the back door, her hair a tangle around her shoulders. Her hands were shaking in her lap.

"Hanna, please look at me."

She looked down at her lap, finally allowing her eyes to meet Caleb's.

"Why did you do that to yourself?"

She shrugged, "Why did you leave me?"

Caleb blinked. He wasn't expecting that.

"We have to talk about it some time Caleb, and it may as well be now, cause…cause I can't hold it back anymore."

Caleb sighed and collapsed onto the chair next to her, suddenly feeling the tiredness from the past few days set in.

He didn't want to talk about this. If he could never mention it again that would be fine with him, because it was the hardest thing he ever had to do. Leaving Hanna and Rosewood behind was one of the worst ordeals he had every encountered, and he was not keen on re-living any time soon. But Hanna deserved to know, and if she said she wanted to, then Caleb wasn't going to shut down.

"What do you want to know?"

Hanna glanced sideways at him, like she couldn't believe he was going to give up that easily.

"Are you sure?" She whispered.

Caleb nodded, "You deserve to know."

Hanna, feeling unexpectedly sober, stuck a bandage over her cut and got herself a drink of water, leaning against the island. The cold draft coming in from the back door gave her Goosebumps.

"Was it my fault? That you left I mean. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have met Miranda, and you wouldn't have stayed."

Caleb stole a look at her face, feeling a pang at his heartstrings when he saw her eyes watering. She looked so small, broken even.

"I don't think it was anyone's fault Hanna. Even if you hadn't asked me to stay with Miranda, I think I would have still seeked out Miranda and Ravenswood. It awoke something inside of me, being there. If I had come back and stayed here, I think I would have been forever wondering about that place..."

"And her." Hanna sniffed.

Caleb shook his head, "Hanna, don't do that."

She set down the glass of water as Caleb shifted in his seat. The draft become colder, until Caleb kicked the door shut, and the cold air disappeared.

"Anyway, I realised in Ravenswood, that there was something there that I couldn't leave. I had to sort out the…mess. But I couldn't just leave you believing I was going to come home soon, when I knew I wasn't. I had to come back and say a proper goodbye before I left, or I would have never forgiven myself if something happened."

"What would have happened Caleb? Did you cut me off so that you wouldn't feel guilty about shagging Miranda?" Hanna yelled, scrunching her fists at her sides.

Caleb jumped up from his seat, his eyes now dark and dangerous, "Fuck no! Hanna, why the hell are you so sure that I left you for Miranda? I did not hook up with any other girls out there. I didn't sleep with Miranda, and I didn't break it off with you so that I could freely shag her without feeling guilty about you! I can't believe you would even consider that!"

"Well what the hell am I supposed to think Caleb? You left me behind with no explanation and expect me not to think the worst? Caleb I asked you to stay behind as a friend for Miranda, because you are a sweet and amazing guy and I knew you could take care of her." Hanna matched his stance, "Then, you come back after weeks saying you're leaving and that we are over, yet you give me no fucking explanation! I didn't hear from you for months! Four fucking months!"

"You don't think I know that? You don't think that I was affected by my actions as much as you were? Hanna, I was in love with you for god's sake, why the hell would I go off and sleep with some other girl, even if we had broken up?

I know it was my fault, and I know I gave you no explanation, and I am sorry for all of that. I know it was four months long Hanna because I lived it too, remember!"

He felt like they were going in circles. They had done this before, fought this fight before, using these same words. Hanna didn't seem to understand that he was faithful to her, even though they had broken up.

"Was in love?" Hanna whispered so quietly that Caleb was sure he didn't hear her.

Silence fell between them. Caleb wondered what the time was. The once night sky was beginning to become pink around the edges. Hanna leant back against the island with all her weight, as if her feet were not stable enough for her anymore. They had both forgotten about the broken glass on the floor.

Caleb began to search around the cupboards, searching for the broom.

"What are you doing?" Hanna whispered.

"Broom. Where is it?"

Hanna pointed at the cupboard under the sink, "Same place it's always been"

Caleb opened the doors, but all that was in there was plastic bags and cleaning stuff, "It's not here."

"Yes it is."

Caleb stood up, "No its not, or else I would have it by now." He replied shortly, crossing his arms. Hanna sighed and pushed him out of the way, crouching down by the cupboard. She leant in, reaching past the window cleaner, and emerged with the broom in her hand.

"See. You just needed to look properly." She said, handing him the broom. His fingers enclosed around it, brushing against hers faintly. Hanna flinched away like he was poison, and at that moment Caleb felt like crying.

How had they gotten here? Yesterday night was amazing, and then she was still there in morning. He had the best night sleep with her in his arms, and the best awakening when she was the first thing he saw.

But that felt like a million years ago, and now they were here, stuck on repeat.

"Caleb?"

He didn't look up, concentrating on not cutting his hands open on the sharp glass. His hands were trembling, "What Hanna?" He snapped.

She took a moment to reply, shifting from one foot to another, "Something's changed in you." She stated quietly, like she was scared to say it out loud. Caleb's hand slipped.

"Shit! Ouch!" He stuck his finger in his mouth and sucked on the blood pouring out from his cut. Hanna, wide eyed, jumped to action and pulled out his finger, sticking it under the tap. She ran the cold water over it.

"Ouch. Ouch. Hanna ouch, that hurts."

She smiles apologetically, "It will help, trust me."

She turned off the tap and pulled his finger to her face, so she could study the cut, "You've got a piece of glass stuck in it." She squeezed her fingers at the cut, "This might hurt a little."

Caleb flinched as she dug in her fingers, squeezing out the piece of glass. After a couple minutes, Hanna managed to squeeze the splinter out fully. She put it in the bin, and stuck a plaster on it, softly kissing it.

"Hanna, you're right. Something has changed in me. I don't know about anything anymore. Nothing seems real to me now that I'm back. Everything's changed, and it's hard to be the Caleb I used to be now that I've been through a lot of…stuff."

Hanna bit her lip, "Is it hard to be around me?"

Caleb looked at her, looked at the way she was trembling. He saw the way the aftereffects of the alcohol were making her sway. He saw a girl he used to know buried behind those fragile bones and skinny wrists. He missed her.

Hanna nodded. Her hands started to shake uncontrollably.

"Fine."

"Hanna, no." Caleb reached out to grab her hand. She pushed him away, swaying slightly as she stormed out of the kitchen. Caleb was hot on her heels, cursing at himself for not saying anything. He should have known better. Hanna was vulnerable.

"It's fine Caleb! Seriously, I'm fine. It's fine, just please go."

"Hanna, please-"

"Go Caleb!" She said, her voice cracking slightly. He opened her front door, stealing one last look at her beautiful hurt face, before it was slammed in his face.


	13. Chapter 13: Friends Are Family

**A/N: This chapter isn't from either Hanna or Caleb, but i felt it was important to include a point of view from each of her friends, so enjoy!  
-please review! Thank you!  
-Natalie xo**

* * *

Well I'm so tired of the rain falling softly on the ground,  
Just enough to get my feet wet but not enough to let me drown.

Drown-Front Porch Step

* * *

The worst thing in the world, in Spencer Hasting's opinion, was the sound of somebody's voice breaking, as they tried not to cry.

She had just woken up a couple minutes ago, or rather, been rudely awoken by someone hammering on the door. Shrugging on her dressing gown, Spencer rushed down the stairs, ready to yell at whoever the idiot was that was waking up the whole house.

But, instead of coming face to face with someone who Spencer would punch in the face, she found herself staring into the glossy blue eyes of Hanna Marin.

Confused, Spencer clicked open her door. Hanna was shivering, despite it being quite warm outside, but it was probably due to the fact she was simply wearing a shirt sleeved top and baggy jogging bottoms.

"The last time I saw you in jogging bottoms Han, you had just had your heart broken." Spencer joked, "What's up?"

Hanna looked at her with empty eyes, like Spencer had just got it exactly right. Her eyes moved to inside to her kitchen, "Do you have any sponges and floor cleaner? To get out stains?"

Spencer frowned, why did Hanna want that? Hanna never cleaned.

"Um, I pretty sure we do, under the sink…" She trailed off as Hanna ran past her, heading straight to the cupboard under the sink.

"Han?" Spencer called, as Hanna stuck her head inside the cupboard. She re-emerged, her hands laden with green sponges and several bottles of cleaning products.

"Yeah?" She replied, reading the labels of bottles. Her hands were shaking slightly. She saw Spencer notice them, and hid them behind her back.

Spencer was still frowning.

"Why do you need it at this time of the morning?"

"Oh. Well, last night I spilt some er…" She glanced around the room, spotting a cartoon of Ribena on the counter behind Spencer, "Ribena on my floor last night, and its stained. My mum is going to kill me, and I didn't have any cleaner, so I came to you."

Did she honestly think that Spencer would believe a single word of that? What did she take her for?  
But Spencer didn't want to cause an argument, so she nodded, pretending to believe it, "That's why you woke me up at 7 in the morning?"

Hanna laughed, "Sorry about that. I hope I didn't wake your mum up."

Shaking her head, Spencer poured herself a cup of coffee and slid onto the seats on the island, "No. Even if you did, she wouldn't come out of her room"

"Just give her time," Hanna smiled sympathetically, "It's quite a blow to the system when you find the one you love is not who you believed they were." Spencer glanced at her, seeing the pain flicker across Hanna's eyes. She heard her voice break, and Spencer had to stop her self from pulling Hanna to her arms.

She knew something was up, that Hanna wasn't telling her the whole story. She wasn't usually like this, so quiet and secretive. Hanna always had a loud mouth and some kind of comment to say, whether stupid or entirely on point. Spencer missed those days.  
It felt like Hanna wasn't her friend anymore. All Spencer seemed to do when they were together was to either cause an argument, or send Hanna running off in the opposite direction. She was the same with Emily for some reason, but not Aria. Aria seemed the person she would go to if she were upset.

"Hanna, about yesterday…" Spencer started, brushing aside her brown curls and pulling them to a ponytail.

Hanna shook her head, sitting down next to Spencer, "No, don't worry about it. I'm sorry I snapped at you, I've just been feeling a little under the weather recently. I took it out on you." She reached across the island and squeezed Spencer's hand.  
At that moment, Hanna's sleeve came up, and Spencer noticed something on Hanna's upper arm. It appeared to be some sort of cut, but a pretty big one. It covered almost the entire skin of her upper arm, and it looked insanely painful. Dried blood clustered around it, looking crusty and sore. There were other bruises on her skin, and once Spencer noticed one, she noticed a whole lot more. They kissed her skin, small purple bruises about the shape of 2 pence pieces, and they looked rather painful.

Hanna's face grew hot, and she jumped up from the seat, grabbing a handful of sponges and the cleaning product, "Well I had better go thanks for this see you later sorry for waking you bye!" She rushed out quickly, not bothering to breathe between her words.

"Hanna wait!" Spencer called, trailing after her, but Hanna was faster than a sleepy Spencer, and threw an apologetic smile over her shoulder before she raced out of sight. Spencer stopped at her door, pulling her phone from her pocket.

She sent out a quick S.0.S to Emily and Aria and left her phone on the coffee table, as she hastily rushed to get ready. Throwing on the closets clothes to her, Spencer ran her tooth brush round her mouth and returned back downstairs, ready to have a very important talk with Aria and Emily, and get to the bottom of this mess.

* * *

Emily received the S.0.S just as she had got out of the shower, wondering why she was up this early. Alison had spent the night again at hers, and she was beginning to feel the effects of staying up all night watching her, in case she made a break for it.

Naturally, Emily was confused as to why Spencer would need help at this early in the morning, but she didn't bother to mention it to Alison, as Spencer hadn't texted her. Emily threw on a pair of jeans and a dark red top that her Mum said complemented her skin tone. She didn't bother to fix her messy hair, just leaving it to fall in waves down her back. Scribbling a note for Alison, Emily glanced at her bed where she was sleeping soundly. She looked so peaceful, that Emily didn't want to wake her.

But if she didn't and just left a note, then Alison might freak out. She was very fragile and Emily didn't want to add to that.

Bending down by her bed, Emily tapped Ali on the shoulder.

"Ali, I'm going out for a bit. I'll be back in a couple minutes."

Alison sprung up, grabbing at Emily's wrists as she turned away, "Let me come with you. Please."

* * *

Aria was the last to arrive at Spencer's, parking her car next to Emily's. She jumped out and almost ran to Spencer's house; sure that she knew what this was about. She had seen Hanna run past her this morning, looking like a crazy woman with containers of cleaning products in her hands. But before Aria had time park her car and run after her, Hanna had disappeared through the trees. She had considered running after her, however at that second Spencer sent her an S.0.S. So here she was, practically running through Spencer's front door, her cheeks a little pink. It was warm outside, but it was also windy, and for that reason Aria had worn a jacket out.

"Hey," She breathed, "Sorry I'm late"

Spencer looked miserable, "Don't worry, we waited." Aria looked behind her, expecting to just see Emily sat down, but Alison was next to her, looking tired and pale. Throwing a look at Spencer, Aria sat down on the couch, shrugging off her jacket.  
Emily crossed her arms, "So what's this about?"  
Spencer looked at each of the girls in turn, taking a deep breath. She looked like she was about to burst into tears, which was not normal for Spencer. Aria knew how she felt. Just yesterday she had felt the exact same way, after having Hanna say all of that stuff. It felt like she had lost her best friend.

"We need to talk about Hanna."

Emily sighed and licked her lips, looking at Alison, "What about her?"  
Alison copied Emily and crossed her arms over her chest, staring at Spencer, "Is she ready to apologise for her actions yet?"  
Aria blinked, "What actions?"  
Without missing a beat, Alison retorted, "She got drunk at Emily's meal. It was humiliating to watch if I'm honest."  
Spencer looked as if she was about to punch Alison in the face. Aria prayed to god that she wasn't going to; otherwise their group would be divided. Not that it wasn't already.

"This isn't about that. She's miserable, can't you see that?"

Alison laughed, and Aria felt like they were right back at the beginning again. Alison was queen and they were all her little puppets. She was laughing in that spiteful way that she used to, when she disagreed with people. She made sure they knew they were wrong.

"No Spencer, she's just a drunk."

"Yeah cause you have a perfect track record Alison." Spencer said sharply, her eyes cold when they flashed over Alison's smug face.

Aria couldn't stand this fighting anymore.

"You guys, enough of this. Alison, open your eyes. Spencer's right okay, Hanna is miserable, and has been since the day Caleb left town. She needs us. She needs us and we can't help her if we are fighting petty arguments like this. She is tired, broken and she is down right miserable. Alison you know she is, you were the one who told her to go and see Caleb remember? Before this rift between you came about. And Em, she is supposed to be you're best friend, how have you not noticed how distant and quiet she is? Yesterday I drove her home after the hospital, and she just stared out into space, and I saw this cold, empty look that honestly frightened me too death," Aria looked at each girl sat in front of her, trying to hold back her tears. They needed to know about this.

She continued, "I asked her why she was…not eating a lot lately, and she replied that she has no appetite. But that's not it. She is starving herself and whether purposely or not, we need to help her. She needs her best friends around her to get her back on track. Em, Spence, you saw how broken she was the day Caleb left her. You saw how she reacted when Travis said he was back. You know her, she is not like this. She's not herself anymore. She's become a ghost of her former happy self. Doesn't that scare you, knowing how broken she is? I know it does for me, and whether or not she wants our help, we are going to give it to her, because friends are family, and Hanna is ours."

The room fell to silence when Aria broke off, crying silent tears. Alison stood up and walked over to where Spencer was sat, placing her arm around her shoulder and muttering a sorry in to her hair. Spencer sobbed in Alison's arms, her tears falling for her parents, for Alison and for Hanna. Trying to stop herself from crying, Aria closed her eyes, thinking back to last time she saw Hanna happy. Then it hit her: She couldn't remember the last time.

Somebody moved past Aria, and when she opened her eyes, she saw Emily storm out of the door, a look of determination on her face. Alison and Spencer moved after her, Aria following suit.

Emily got into her car, slamming shut the door with hot tears pouring down her face. She clicked on the engine and pulled out of Spencer's drive, heading for Hanna's house.

Spencer ran after the car, letting go of Alison's trembling hand. She tapped on the window before Emily could speed off.  
"What are you doing?" She exclaimed, breathlessly.

Emily didn't bother to look at her.

"I'm going to get my best friend back."


	14. Chapter 14: Face Your Demons

How do you erase the memories that give us hope?  
Those Who Stand For Nothing, Fall For Everything- Slaves

* * *

It wouldn't come out. The dark blood stains on the very expensive floor tiles wouldn't come out. Her mum was going to kill her.  
These tiles cost the same amount as Hanna's entire wardrobe, and Hanna knew that because she had spent the early hours of this morning trying to find replacements for them. After a very frustrating fight with Caleb, Hanna had battled with her mind for whether to run out after him. After deciding against it, Hanna had wondered into the kitchen to get a drink, and spotted the dried blood on the tiles and in the tile filer in between.

Her immediate reaction was to try to remember where the hell the blood had come from, but then she simply looked down and saw the large gash across her upper arm. Hanna remembered smashing the bottle of vodka, and cutting her arm on it accidently.

After contemplating at what to do, Hanna decided to try to clean it. She grabbed any random cleaner from under the sink, got down on her hands and knees and scrubbed harshly at the stain.

At least 2 hours later, and it was 10 to 7 in the morning. Whatever Hanna was using obviously wasn't working, so she thought of the most practical person she knew. And that was Spencer.

Her only mistake was not wearing a long sleeved t-shirt, because she was 100% sure that Spencer, being Spencer, was now onto her. She was most likely calling up her Mum in New York, or about to arrive at hers for an 'intervention'

But Hanna didn't want to speak, not to anyone really. She felt like she had already told Aria too much the other day, and she had probably alerted her friends to her odd behaviour.  
Right now, Hanna felt that if she told anybody how she was feeling, then they would send her off to Radley or to a specialist clinic in Philadelphia. That was, mind you, if she could even fathom her feelings into words. She felt too much all at once.

That was Hanna's downfall. She felt too much for people who felt nothing for her. Not just with Caleb, but with Sean and Wren and Holbrook. They had simply used her for a kiss and the chase, nothing more, nothing less. But Caleb was supposed to have been different. He was the only guy she had ever loved, and he didn't seem to care. The other night he acted like Miranda had meant more to him that Hanna did, which gave Hanna a dull ache in the pit of her stomach.

She hated feeling this miserable and helpless. She wanted to be happy and care free again, without having the weight of the world on her shoulders.

She had defiantly heard a car pull up outside. There was no mistaking the crunching of gravel and roar of the engine. Her mum wasn't back till sometime next week, so it couldn't be her. Hanna was pretty sure she had scared Caleb away so it most likely wouldn't be him, and that also counted for Travis, who had gotten the hint that Hanna and Caleb were no a sort of thing. That basically left Spencer, who Hanna hoped would stop by, so that she could explain this morning and why she was so jumpy. She could also explain the cuts and bruises on her. She had devised a fake scenario where she had to get up on a chair to get down some glassware from the top cabinet. She was going to say that the chair was unsteady on the tiles, therefore Hanna dropped the glass and it shattered, and she fell down from the chair, hence the cuts and bruises. She had to go over it in her head thousands of times to get every detail correct, as Spencer was most likely to catch her out somewhere.

But it wasn't Spencer. Her car was dark and the one that had pulled up was silver.  
Hanna knew whose car that was.

Swinging open the front door, Hanna slapped a huge smile on her face, as Emily stormed up the path towards her. She looked upset, and had her 'I mean business' face on, which scared Hanna a little. Emily had become so strong over the last year, and she was a force not to be reckoned with.

Rather awkwardly, Hanna said, "Hey Emily, what's up?"

Emily simply looked at her with such disbelief, and without another word, she pushed past Hanna and into her kitchen. Hanna closed the door and skidded after her, hoping she had cleared away all of the cleaning stuff and dirty sponges. If Emily kept to this side of the island, then she wouldn't see the bloodstains.

"Don't," She exclaimed, "What's up Emily me!" She threw down her bag with such force that Hanna thought she had dented the worktop. Her bag was open, and a small purse and pack of gum fell out, rolling off to the other side of the island.

"What do you mean?" Hanna asked, confused, slowly making her way to Emily's dropped items.

Emily had other plans. She moved in front of Hanna, blocking her way.

"Are you seriously going to act like that when you and I both know why I am here!"

Hanna blinked at her. What was she going on about?

"Em, did you put something other than milk on your cereal this morning?" She said slowly, "Cause you are acting very angry and slightly crazy."

Emily sighed.

"I'm not angry." She clarified.

Hanna snorted, "Yeah, and I'm not blonde." She replied sarcastically.

Emily glanced at her hair, "Technically, you're not blonde. You're between black and blonde, so that makes you brown." Emily pointed out. Hanna frowned.

"You know what I mean."

Emily laughed under her breath, and pulled out a stool from under the island, hopping onto it. Her anger had seemed to subside.

Hanna pulled open the fridge, grabbing a can of coke. She waved it in front of Emily's face, "Want one?"

Shrugging, Emily replied, "I'm not really hungry Han."

"Then," Hanna said, shutting the fridge with her hip, "What are you? You aren't hungry or angry or crazy, so I guess that makes you either sleepy or grumpy." Hanna giggled, picking up Emily's things from the floor. When she straightened up, Emily's eyes were glistening.

"I am sad." She said softly.

Join the club, Hanna thought. She scooted round the island and joined Emily on one of the stools.

"Why exactly?"

Emily wasted no time in getting to the point, her lip quivering.

"Because I have just found out that my best friend has lost her way, and she didn't even come to talk to me."

Hanna's stomach dropped.

She opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it, unsure of what to say.

Emily, however, wasn't finished, " I found out that my best friend has started to drink again, and become withdrawn from everybody. That she slept with her ex-boyfriend who broke her heart, and hasn't eaten a full meal in two months, without throwing it back up. I knew things were bad Hanna, but not this bad." A tear escaped from her caramel eyes, "Why didn't you talk to me?"

Hanna had plenty of reasons. Alison to begin with. Instead she simply shrugged and began playing with her hair.

"Cause."

"That's not a good enough answer Hanna." Emily warned, her voice sharp.

"Cause you don't have time for me anymore." Hanna said clearly, ignoring the sharp pain in her chest as she watched Emily cry.

"Bullshit Hanna, "She choked, "I'll always have time for you."

Hanna shook her head.

"Not recently. Alison's always with you now. And if she's not with you, you're texting her, or you are talking about her. Either than or you are coaching Sydney and acting like everything's okay, when its not. We lied to the police and it's not going to be Ali that pays for it, its us."

Placing her head in her hands, Emily mumbled something under her breath as Hanna stared down at her. She waited for Emily to say it out loud, but she sat there, unmoving.

God, this was a mess. She hated hurting her so, but Hanna couldn't carry on like it never bothered her.

"Alison's a good person." Emily defended, "She has changed, just like you. But Alison hasn't changed for worse, she has become better. Can I say the same for you?"

"What exactly do you mean by that?"

"I mean that you have become someone you are not lately Hanna. I don't even recognise you anymore. You dress in dark clothes and change you're hair. You are getting involved _again_ with a guy who left you without a single care, and you aren't the same Hanna I used to know."

Hanna rolled her eyes with exasperation. She was sick of having the same fight with everybody. She was changing, yes, but she was moving on with her life. What did Emily want, an apology for Hanna growing up? For not living with Alison in the centre of everything? For trying to cope with all of this shit that was dumped on her?

"Han, don't pretend like you aren't avoiding Alison, or anything she wears."

Hanna threw her hands in the air, aggravated by all of this. Why did Emily want to make her feel bad for trying to move on with her life?

"God Emily!" Hanna shrieked, "The world does not revolve around Alison!"

"I never said it did!" Emily matched her tone of voice.

"You implied it!" Hanna shot back, "And what does it matter if I'm trying a new look? All I am doing is trying to get on with my life. I can't deal with Alison and all her drama anymore okay?"

"Her drama? Hanna it's our drama too! You are involved in all of this too remember?"

"You think I forgot that I got hit by a car Emily? No." Hanna remarked sarcastically.

Emily threw her an exasperated look, no longer crying. She stood from the stool and grabbed the coke off the side where Hanna had left it.

"I'm sorry about Paige." Hanna whispered out of nowhere.

Emily almost choked on her drink. She slammed it down on the counter, "What?"

Hanna bit her lip like she always did when she was nervous, "I'm sorry that Mona hit Paige."

Emily looked at her like she couldn't believe what she was hearing. She ran round to where Hanna was sat and grabbed her hands, squeezing them tightly.

"Hanna Marin, you know that none of that was you're fault, right?"

She didn't answer.

"Han," Emily prompted, "Mona is crazy and you couldn't have known she would do something like that. Do not blame yourself."

"But if I hadn't-"

"Hanna!" Emily almost shouted, cutting her off. She lifted Hanna's face to hers and smiled, "Mona is locked up and even if it's not forever, she's away from us. Breathe. It's not your fault."

Hanna nodded.

"So… are you still mad?" Hanna asked.

Emily laughed, "I was never mad in the first place, just disappointed that you are doing this to yourself. Hanna, don't let your past define you. You are way more than that."

"It's just hard you know" Hanna sighed.

"I know. But it's not forever yeah?"

Emily smiled at her, wrapping her arm around Hanna's shoulder and enveloping her in a hug. Hanna closed her eyes. She could feel her heart booming loudly. She heard the tap dripping behind her, and Emily's breathing. She felt, okay.

That was until she heard Emily take a sudden breath.

"Hanna? Why is there blood…on your floor?"

Hanna was about to spin her the tale of falling glass and the top cabinet, but then she stopped. Her heart wasn't in it. She didn't want another lie.

She told Emily to sit down, and was about to tell her when suddenly Spencer burst through her back door, followed by an apologetic looking Aria, and a sheepish Alison.

"I…thought…wow…er…your not fighting?" Spencer managed to get out, out of breath. Her hair was tangled and she looked like she had just fought off a load of bears.

Hanna looked at Emily, who managed a small smile.

"No, we were just talking."

Spencer looked back at Aria, whose face said, I told you so. She sighed and collapsed down on one of Hanna's chairs.

"Need a drink?" Hanna asked, grabbing a glass from the top shelf. She waited for Spencer's reply, but it never came, because when she turned around, all four girls were staring open mouthed at her arm.

"Shit." Hanna muttered under her breath, pulling down the sleeve. She hadn't realised that it was starting to bleed slightly.

"Hanna, what…" Aria shook her head, taking hold of Hanna's arm and inspecting the cut. Even Hanna did have to admit, it looked pretty painful. But it wasn't that bad.

"I'm glad you are all here, cause I have to explain a few things to you." Hanna said clearly, trying to push down sick about to rise in her throat. She took a deep breath, and looked at Alison, hovering in the doorway. She looked lost, like she didn't belong. Emily gave Hanna a look, and Hanna nodded.

"Even you Alison. Sit down."

And once they all sat down, and gave her their full attention, Hanna told them everything. She told them about her and Caleb, and how she was scared he was going to hurt her again, how she was struggling with everything, how she had felt like she lost her friends, how she was fighting a battle with her own mind.

She told them how they were right, how she had been cutting meals and being withdrawn, because everything was so hectic in her life, and that was the only thing she could control. She told them about last night and how she called Caleb and how they had a fight. She told them about how she had hurt her arm, and once she was finished, she told them she loved them all, and that for the first time in a long time, she finally felt okay.


	15. Chapter 15: A Little Room To Breathe

**A/N:** **Plot twist!  
Thank you to all of you who reviewed this, really means a lot to me!**  
**Please review!**  
**-Natalie xo**

* * *

I need a little room to breathe  
You're making this hard for me  
-You Me At Six- Room To Breathe

* * *

The moment Hanna slammed the door on his face; Caleb balled his hands to fists to get rid of all of his anger. At a total loss for what to do now, he ran his hand through his hair several times, until he was sure it was sticking up all over the place. He was too het up and upset to go to sleep, but too tired to just stay awake. He felt like Hanna had just ripped out his heart, put it back together, and then threw it under a truck without another look. She was so frustrating to figure out, and at this precise moment in time, he wasn't sure if he had the energy to carry this petty game on.  
It was tiring and it drained all of his energy. She seemed to break something inside of him every time he looked at her. If he knew what was good for him, he should get out now. He should just do what's best for him for a change, and leave her behind.

But it was stupid to even think that, because he could never leave her behind. She was a huge part of his life, his first love. She was his family, and he didn't want to lose another family member. Hanna was home.

He hadn't had any stability in his life since Hanna. Everything had been rough, unreliable. Caleb wasn't sure that anything was going to be stable again, unless Hanna was in it.  
That was one of the reasons he loved her so much. She was always there.

He wasn't saying that he took her for granted, just that he knew she would always be around, somewhere. He knew he could go to her.

But before that could happen, he needed to properly open up to her. Caleb knew that all of this was hard on her, but it was for him too, and although hurting her was the last thing he ever wanted, he couldn't bring himself to tell her everything. Not yet anyway.

The thing is about Hanna, is that she is never afraid of speaking her mind. She will happily tell you exactly what she thinks and most time doesn't care for your feelings. She was loud mouthed, blunt and stubborn, and Caleb loved this about her, but sometimes it seriously annoyed him. He tried to explain everything and properly open up to her, but she just jumped down his throat at the mention of Miranda. Did she not realise that there was nothing between them? That Miranda was a ghost and most importantly, a friend?

It was a bit hypocritical of her anyway, to get annoyed about that, because she clearly didn't wait; she just jumped on the nearest guy.

God, why did it have to be him? He had wanted her since that stupid barn dance and Caleb had known it then. He gave her that stupid wad of cash so that he could worm his way into their relationship and get her.

But could he talk? He was the one who left, and Travis was just taking up a good opportunity. Could he blame him?

He was just jealous really. Jealous that Hanna had moved on so quickly when he had been so miserable.

Of course he didn't blame her either. She was right; she couldn't just sit around waiting for him to come back. That wasn't fair on her.

In fact, none of this was fair on her. If he had stayed away from Rosewood, from her, maybe she would be happier. She wouldn't be so miserable and sad. Even if it meant that he was unhappy for the rest of his life, he should have stayed away.

She would have been better off, right?

Caleb had always told himself, that at the first sight of love, you should run far, far away, because love was toxic, and you always ended up hurt. But when he knew he had fallen for Hanna was when she had jumped into the shower with him. He knew that he really liked her, and he instantly forgot all about toxic love and running away. Except now that he was suffering from a broken heart, and so was she, he realised he should have run far, far away. He would have saved himself a whole load of pain, and she would be happy.

But he knew in his mind that all of that was bullshit, because, from the bottom of his heart, he knew that being with Hanna was the best thing that ever happened to him, and even if it didn't work out, it was worth all of this.  
Every memory he ever had with her was worth every second of this fucking pain. Every touch, every stolen kiss, every breathless whisper, every exhilarated feeling he got whenever he was around her was worth all of this.

Hanna wasn't like most girls, and that's why he was so goddamn in love with her.

She was beautiful, blonde and had a body any man would be lucky to hold against him. Her eyes were familiar velvet blue, a blue that he saw in the sky, in his glass of water, and in every place he went. But it wasn't just that.  
It wasn't all based on her looks. Caleb hadn't fallen for her because she was popular and pretty. In fact, he would prefer her not to be popular if that was possible, because it seemed stupid to have something that pathetic meaning so much to Hanna.

She was feisty, stubborn and not afraid to speak her mind. She was strong and independent, and she was so lively that everybody noticed her when she walked into a room. Her smile could light up New York after dark, and it sent shivers up Caleb's spine every time he caught her grinning.

He needed to get away for a while, even for a little while.

He was already as far away from Rosewood as he could possibly be when he realised what he was doing. He had chucked a few clothes in a bag, like before, and played Hanna's favourite album on repeat the whole journey and left his phone at home. If he wanted to contact anybody, then he would do it on his own terms and not anybody else's.

God, what was he doing? The open road was a lonely place, and he was missing Hanna. It was her birthday soon, he remembered. She was turning 19 in a few days, and he didn't want to miss another of her birthdays. He had already missed the last one.

If he turned back now, would Hanna realise that he was gone? If he would just turn back around and go back to that dead end town then Hanna wouldn't even know. But he couldn't. He physically couldn't stop and turn around because it would mean going back to that town where nothing good ever happened. It was filled with secrets and lies and Caleb didn't need anymore of them. He wanted no more of it. He wanted a life filled with happiness and laughter, not this. He wanted Hanna, but he wanted her to be happy. She wasn't happy, not any more. She hadn't been happy since the day he left her. She was different now, like something inside of her had clicked and she wasn't the same Hanna as before. She didn't eat much, she didn't sleep much, she was quiet and unlike herself. She needed him to help her.

He knew that he had to turn back round. He had to see her get better. He had to help her get better. This was his mess and he needed to fix it.

He pulled up to a lay-by on the side of the road and turned the car around, ignoring the horns and curses of drivers in the other lanes. Hanna's C.D in the player started to skip, and Caleb whacked it. A small screw popped out, landing on the empty passenger seat by him. He reached across to pick it up, not looking where he was going, and at that exact moment in time, another car slammed into his. Caleb felt his body be lurched backwards, and his head impacted with the steering wheel. Blood trickled down his shaking face, and then, unconsciousness stole him into the darkness.


	16. Chapter 16: Flickering Lights

**A/N: I'll be going away soon for 10 days and i'll have no wifi or internet unfortunately, so the next update may be a while, sorry guys! I'll try to update just before i go though!  
Please review!  
-Natalie xo**

* * *

And if you're still breathing you're the lucky one  
Cause most of us are heavy through corrupted lungs  
Setting fire to our insides for fun  
Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong  
-Daughter-Youth

* * *

The lights in the hospital were not very good. Apparently, rather than use people's well earned tax money on fixing real problems in hospitals, like under staffing and broken lights, the hospital preferred to use it on expensive coffee machines, and pointless flat screen TVs that nobody watches. At least, that was Spencer Hasting's view on it. The light above her had flickered about 22 times now, and she was getting very frustrated with it.

Actually no, she was frustrated that the hospital couldn't spend two seconds of their time to call out a maintenance guy to come and fix it.

23, 23 times it had flickered in less than 3 minutes.

God she was stressed.

Not that she wasn't pleased about spending her Thursday afternoons stuck in hospital waiting rooms, but Spencer had other things to be getting on with. Like planning Hanna's surprise birthday party.

24.

25.

She couldn't stand it any second longer. Dragging one of the purple velvet armchairs (yet another unnecessary way to waste money) from its place under the window. Spencer kicked off her ballet pumps and climbed up onto the seat. She reached up to the light and slid across the glass panel that was blocking her way.

"Ma'am!"

Spencer looked down to find a small, chubby nurse with a southern accent glaring daggers at her, looking rather sweaty and angry.

"I would advise you to get down from the chair now, before you seriously harm yourself."

Spencer sighed, itching to fix the flickering light. Instead, she did as she was told and hopped down, pulling her pumps back on.

"Thank you." The nurse said, rather rudely in Spencer's opinion.

"If I did hurt myself, at least I'd be in the right place." She joked, flopping back down in her seat. The nurse gave her an unimpressed look. She had curly auburn hair, and her uniform looked way too tight on her.

"What?" She snapped, "Health and safety is vital in this hospital. I can't have young fools like you trying to electrocute themselves for a bit of attention!"

Spencer gasped, "Hey! I was only trying to fix the light, not kill myself. Calm down." She breathed, tucking her dark curls behind her ear. The nurse tutted and trotted back out the waiting room, despite the light still flickering.

Another nurse shuffled by and Spencer ran after her, her ballet pumps slapping against the floor.

"Excuse me? Hi, um, I'm looking for my friend; he was admitted here yesterday evening and I only just got the call."

The nurse was much slimmer than the other, with black braids swinging down her back, "name?"

She didn't specify whose name she was looking for, but since this was a hospital, she was most likely asking for the patient's name, not the visitor.

"Caleb Rivers."

"Room 458." The nurse said.

Spencer turned to go find it, but the nurse grabbed onto her arm, "he had just fallen asleep after a hectic night. Please, do not wake him. Take a seat…"

She realised she was asking her Spencer's name is time.

"Spencer Hastings"

"Okay Spencer, take a seat, and when he is awake I will find you. I'm glad you got here though, he has been asking for you for a long time."

The nurse let go of her arm and smiled sweetly before continuing on down the corridor. Spencer sighed. She had been in this hospital too many times this year alone. There was no way she was spending another couple hours in here when she could just go see him now and cut this short.  
Eventually, after taking a completely wrong turn once or twice, Spencer found room 458. It was on the left side of the corridor, and outside were another set of velvet armchairs, this time in a sickly green. She didn't waste any time, pushing open the door. She had expected a dark room and a sleeping Caleb, but instead she found him very much awake, sat upright in bed watching TV.

There was a large cut on his forehead, and that had a thick white bandage on. It didn't stop his blood seeping out the side. His lip was also split and bleeding slightly and his three fingers on the left hand were wrapped in white cloth.  
On the phone Spencer hadn't been told how bad the crash was. In fact, she had had Melissa running into her room with the phone, rambling about an accident and Caleb. Spencer had taken the phone and had been told that he had been involved in a car accident and he was in hospital asking for her.

Caleb's eyes moved from the TV to Spencer hovering in the doorway, and instantly he visibly relaxed.

"You came!" He said, putting aside the remote. He didn't look too injured, just in need of a good rest.

"Yeah. I wasn't going to leave you in here by yourself. Hanna would never forgive me."

"Well you're gonna have to wait in line, cause it looks like I got some grovelling to do first." Caleb joked, motioning to his injuries.

Spencer hadn't moved from the doorway. She couldn't make her legs walk the few steps over to the chair by his bed. Ironically, this chair was not velvet or looked in any way comfortable. It was one of those flimsy plastic chairs.

"Don't be a stranger. Come and sit down. I'm sure you have plenty of questions"

"You're right there." Spencer forced her legs over to the chair, "Why the hell were you driving so far out from Rosewood at that time of night? I thought you were staying here. I thought you were back for good."

She perched on the edge of the chair, not trusting it enough to put her whole weight on it. It was unsteady and extremely uncomfortable.

Caleb coughed awkwardly and dropped his gaze to his lap. He wasn't wearing a hospital gown, but a grey t-shirt and a dark pair of joggers. The thin quilt was tangled at the bottom of his bed.

"I er…I was getting away for a few days."

Spencer scoffed, trying to fight down the urge to get up and walk away. But he obviously needed her help, and she would do it for Hanna's sake.

"Hanna and I had a fight," He admitted, shifting in the bed, "and I was angry and upset. I don't make good decisions when I'm upset and I jumped in my car and just drove. I drove and drove until I realised what I was doing and that I was making a mistake. So I turned the car around and it happened. I wasn't concentrating and neither was he. I hit my head and he broke his arm. We are both fine."

"Not until Hanna finds out about this," Spencer muttered under her breath. Caleb heard and a flush crept up his neck and face, looking ashamed.

"Yeah, I know." He said quietly.

The TV was blaring Criminal Minds in the background, and it was pretty loud for someone who was supposed to be asleep. His door opened and the second nurse from before popped her head in.

"Now, that doesn't look like sleeping does it?"

Caleb shrugged, "Wasn't tired."

The nurses eyes fell on Spencer, "and you young lady, I told you to wait and I would come get you."

Spencer blushed, but the nurse was smiling. She bustled around his room, turning down the volume and fixing his quilt.

"Visiting times are nearly up Miss Hastings, and Mr Rivers needs his rest. Come back tomorrow and he'll be ready to go home to his Hanna."

And she closed the door behind her. Spencer rubbed her hands down her jeans and stood up, moving towards the door.

"I'll come back tomorrow, early morning and I'll bring you home okay? I won't say a word to Hanna because-"

She faltered. Caleb frowned at her.

"Because its up to you to do that. And, also, I'm planning a surprise party for Hanna tomorrow night at mine. Please come and celebrate?"

Caleb nodded, "of course, I wouldn't miss that for the world!"

Spencer nodded and reached for the door handle, her fingers grasping at the cool metal.

"Do you have any idea what it's like, to be the bad guy in all of this? Because I'm the one who left, I can never do anything right anymore. It's hard to try to fix your mistakes when everyone is expecting you to mess up and break her heart again. Sometimes I think even she is as well. She's scared that I'm going to hurt her like last time, and that kills me inside. I needed some room to breathe, some time to think for a bit, that's all. I wasn't going to leave her again Spencer, I just needed time. I love her-" He cut off.

Spencer pushed open the door. When she looked back, Caleb was staring out of the window. Spencer wanted to fix this. She hated to see Hanna and Caleb this upset. It was horrible watching a relationship fall apart, even when the two people loved each other more than anything. Everybody knew that Caleb was the only one Hanna loved, and vice versa.

Biting her lip, Spencer started to pull the door shut quietly behind her, when Caleb quietly mumbled something under his breath. Spencer felt her chest break hearing the sadness in his voice.

His words repeated in her ears over and over as she ran through the corridors and out the door. It was raining, but it hadn't been when she had arrived. She carried on running to her car, fumbling with the keys. Her hands slipped and she dropped them to the ground. It had been raining hard enough that puddles were splayed over the concrete. She retrieved her keys and got in the car, his words still ringing in her ears. She hoped the sound of the beating rain would drown it out, but it didn't. She wondered how to fix this mess.

But Caleb was right: "Sometimes Spencer, love is not enough"


	17. Chapter 17: Alone

**A/N: Hopefully i can publish these before i go on holiday, and if not i'm sorrrryyy!  
Please review!  
-Natalie xo**

* * *

Maybe I know somewhere, deep in my soul  
that love never lasts.  
-Paramore- The Only Exception

Today was the day. The big 19th birthday had rolled around and it was raining. Not the usual kind of rain that you would get in March, which is light and refreshing, but the huge, fat kind of rain that a storm usually follows.

Hanna lay in her bed staring up at the ceiling. She was all alone in her house. Nobody to come and greet her and kiss her forehead and yell happy birthday at the top of their lungs.  
Yesterday, her Mum had called to say that her flight had been cancelled in New York because of a huge storm that was coming in, and that she was so sorry she was missing Hanna's big day. Hanna had lied and said it was fine; they could celebrate when she got home, but really, she was disappointed.

This was why she hated birthdays, especially hers. Every single birthday for the past few years of her life had been filled with disappointment and somebody cancelling on her. Granted it wasn't her mother's fault about her flight, but she shouldn't have even gone on the trip so close to Hanna's birthday.

The rain was pounding hard on her window, sounding like hail stones. Hanna glanced at the window, but she couldn't see out, due to the raindrops covering the entire glass pane.

The house felt so empty. There was no running water for her Mum's morning shower, no radio blaring downstairs to nobody, no sweet smell of pancakes being fried, despite Hanna not eating breakfast.  
She had at least expected Caleb to maybe call at hers last night. If he had done then she would have apologised and asked him to stay the night with her, because waking up lonely on your birthday was rather depressing.

Yet, here she was, lying on her back in her cold bed, all alone in the house, on her birthday. She wanted to cry, but no tears came out. Either that, or the sound of the rain washed away her heart-breaking sobs.

She may as well just go back to sleep. Nobody would care if she did. A part of her hoped she could just sleep all day and miss her birthday, and when she awoke tomorrow, she would have forgotten all about it.  
Nobody was coming to say happy birthday. Nobody was going to remember, because why would they? Everybody had stuff going on. Hanna's birthday wasn't even that important, she'd have another one next year.  
She felt completely empty. The rain was falling harder now. Balling her hands in fists, Hanna punched the mattress underneath her. She squeezed her hands so tight that her nails were digging into them, causing her palm to bleed a little. It hurt, but feeling pain was better than feeling nothing. She pulled the duvet up around her head and squeezed shut her eyes.

Last year on her birthday, Hanna had promised herself that next year would be better. She had convinced her self that her Dad would wake her up by in the morning, followed by her Mum, and they would all sit squished up in Hanna's bed. She had told herself that by this time her Dad would have forgotten all about Isabel and Kate, and that he would be back home with Hanna and her Mum. She had promised that she would make the most of her birthday with her Dad, and then celebrate with her friends later on.

Most of all, she had promised that this birthday, Caleb might actually turn up for.

* * *

Spencer kept to her word. The next morning she was hauling open the curtains in Caleb's room, exposing the storm outside. She apologised for being later than planned; apparently the storm had broken a few trees and she had to take a longer route than usual.

Naturally, Caleb didn't mind. As long as he was out of the hospital, he did not care how late she had been, she was here now and that meant he was going home.

He had on the stuff he was wearing last night when Spencer had visited him, the  
grey t-shirt and joggers, but his shoes had been misplaced during his ride in the ambulance. It was also pouring outside, and he had no jacket.

"Hey, Spencer?"

She stopped scribbling on the dis charge papers and looked up, "hmm?"

"It's pouring out there."

"I got you a jacket. It's my Dads old one so it might be a little big, but it's the best I could do." She pointed to the grey jacket slung over the back of the chair. Caleb zipped up his bag and shrugged on the jacket. It was a little long on the sleeves and baggy on the body, but it would do just to get to the car. He didn't fancy catching pneumonia and ending up back here again.

"I also found your shoes. They're a bit ripped, but the paramedic that was in the ambulance with you saved them." Spencer said.

Caleb nodded and looked around for the shoes. They were tucked under the chair where the jacket had been laying, and were almost ripped to shreds.

Caleb whistled, "He wasn't kidding about that."

Spencer, who finished signing her name at the bottom of the papers, smiled at his poor attempt of humour.

She handed the pen and papers to him, "Sign at the bottom and then we can go."

He did as he was told, then handed them back to her.

"Ready?"

"Yep," He replied, "Thanks for this Spencer, I- er, couldn't have done it without you."

She rolled her eyes, but she was smiling, "No kidding. You would have had to call Hanna if I hadn't helped you, and I'm pretty sure she's the kind of girl who knows how to handle a weapon."

They exited his room, closing the door behind him. The sound of the rain on the tin roof echoed all around the halls, causing an odd calming effect on everything. It was still manic and chaotic, but everybody seemed a little more chilled today. They headed for the desk outside his room, where the nurses were sat, popping grapes into their mouths.

"The discharge papers for Caleb Rivers." Spencer said formally to the nurse, who didn't seem to like her tone. She was doing what Hanna called, 'The Lawyer Tone'. It was where she used her most formal voice and extensive vocabulary to trick you into getting her way.

The nurse, who had bright auburn hair, glanced at Caleb, who most likely looked rather dishevelled. She raised her eyebrows and looked back to Spencer, "Don't come back any time quick."

Spencer clicked her tongue, then hauled Caleb past the desk and into the lift.

"What was that about?" He asked.

Spencer pressed the ground floor button and shook her head, "Stupid woman accused me of attention seeking yesterday, all because I tried to fix a stupid flickering light."

"Oh. I see." Caleb offered, but there wasn't much to reply to that. They rode down in the lift in silence. When they got into the lobby, it was filled with angry and soaking wet people.

"What's happening?" Caleb whispered, pulling his bag onto his shoulder. It hurt a little bit from where he had whacked it on the chair trying to retrieve the screw. His head wasn't so bad anymore, occasionally the stitches split and it started bleeding again, but it wasn't that painful. His fingers were all right as well. He had them wrapped in a thick bandage so that he couldn't sprain them anymore.

Spencer stepped out of the lift and looked around. The lobby was quite dark, despite it being mid-morning. It was because of the rain.

"I think they have stopped people from going outside." She called back to him, as he followed her out. It was relatively noisy in the lobby, and she had to strain her voice over the loud chattering between people.

Everybody seemed to be facing towards the left wall above the check in desks. They both inched through the crowd to try to catch of a glimpse of what everyone was looking at.

Above the desk there was a large, flat screen TV, showing the weather report for the East Coast of America. The blonde weather girl on the TV read:

"Raging storms have been circling all over the East Coast of America today, and rather brutal ones to be exact. The states mostly affected by this weather have been New York, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Maryland and New Jersey. These storms consist of thunder, lightening, rain showers and hailstones, and many roads have been closed due to flooding and lightening strikes. At around 2:3o today the storm will pass, but please, keep safe and inside until then."

Spencer glanced at Caleb. They had shut them in because the road from the hospital must have been closed.

"Excuse me!"

The room fell into silence, apart from the sound of the rain. Caleb craned his neck to see a man in a suit standing at the front.

"As you have all seen on the weather report, there have been storms over Pennsylvania, and we have been affected by one. There are some road shut that lead back into Rosewood and it has been told the storm will be getting bigger, but later on today it will subside. We, as a hospital, must look out for the safety of our citizens, which is why we are asking you to please remain inside until the storm has fully subsided. We have shut the main doors and ask you to head towards the café, as free food and drink will be provided. We are sorry for any inconveniences, we are simply looking out for you all."

Caleb inwardly groaned. Waiting here until 2:30? No way did he want to stay here any longer than he had to. He knew Spencer was thinking the same thing.

Suddenly, he remembered something very important.

"Spence?"

"Yeah?"

"It's Hanna's birthday today."

Spencer mirrored the same shock realisation as he had, and she slapped herself lightly on the forehead.

"Oh god. Her party is tonight. The report said it would pass, so hopefully everything will be fine. I can just throw it in my barn instead of outside. I'll just text everybody to say its still on." Spencer delved into her jeans pocket and sent out a group text to everybody she had invited, but Caleb wasn't talking about her party.

"No, not the party. Her Mum's stuck out in New York, remember? She's has woken up alone on her birthday…" Caleb trailed off, feeling so annoyed at himself that he hadn't realised this sooner. He should be there with her. He was a crap excuse for a boyfriend.

Spencer gasped, "You're right! She must think that nobody cares or that we've all forgotten!"

"Can't you get Aria or Emily to get to hers and make her breakfast?"

Caleb wished it could be him that could be with her, but because of the storm it didn't look like they were going anywhere fast.

Shaking her head, Spencer tucked her phone back into her pocket, "No, I talked to them last night. They had to act like they had forgotten it's her birthday for the surprise to work, so Aria at Ezra's for the night and Emily and Alison have driven to Phili to get her a present. They left early this morning, before the storm hit." Spencer informed Caleb. He ran his hand through his hair.

"Screw the plan Spencer! Hanna's over there right now thinking nobody gives two shits about her!"

Spencer placed her hands on her hips, "I worked hard on this plan Caleb, and I will not throw it all away now. She will be fine; most likely, still in bed."

Caleb sighed, admitting defeat. He hoped that Spencer was right, because Hanna was vulnerable right now. She certainly did not need this on top of everything.

Caleb looked over at the doors. He remembered a back route out of here.

"You know what? Screw this, we're getting out of here, now." Caleb grabbed onto Spencer's arm and pulled her through the crowd until he reached a side door to the stairs. He opened it, and ran up the first set, but before going up the second, he stopped to wait for Spencer.

"Come on!"

"I'm just wondering how we are going to drive home. They have blocked off most of the roads."

She was right.

"We'll figure it out."

"Caleb, wait," Spencer stopped behind him, leaning back against the painted brick wall, "Maybe we should let it die down a bit first?"

Caleb was about to reply, when a crashing sound from the lobby interrupted him, and the rain became harder. She was probably right. It wasn't worth risking his and Spencer's life. He nodded.

"Yeah, okay. We'll wait. Hanna will be fine."

He only wished he believed his own words.


	18. Chapter 18: Thunder and Rain

**a/n: Thank you for being patient when waiting for the next updates  
Just want to apologise if they are a bit late, due to no wifi on my holiday  
Please review  
-Natalie xo**

* * *

Come to bed don't let me sleep alone  
Couldn't hide the emptiness you let it show  
Never wanted it to be so cold  
Just couldn't drink enough to say you loved me  
-Evanescence-Lithium

* * *

The storm was still going strong when Hanna woke up several hours later. It was less heavy than before, but it was still raining pretty hard out there. She slid out of bed and pulled up her hair before getting into the shower. The water was steaming hot, but Hanna still felt cold. She let it drench and sting her body, then wrapped a huge fluffy towel around herself as she stepped out of it.

The house was still empty.  
Nobody had called to say happy birthday, not Dad or Nanna Marin. Not even Caleb, or Aria. None of the girls had texted her. She guessed everyone had forgotten.

Wandering back to her room, Hanna listened to the rain pound on her roof and windows, enjoying the noise. It filled the lonely silence of the house around her. She dressed in a pair of Caleb's old pyjama bottoms and one of her baggy jumpers, not bothering to look even half decent. What was the point? No one was coming to see her.

It felt odd padding downstairs to the kitchen when nobody was around. Hanna didn't like it.  
Maybe she had the day wrong. Maybe today wasn't her birthday and her friends hadn't forgotten, Hanna had just got it all wrong.  
No, that was stupid. Hanna knew which day her birthday was.

The clock on the counter said 1:54. Hanna felt her stomach being stabbed as she realised that the day was half way through and nobody had called or dropped by to say happy birthday. She was miserable. Birthdays were supposed to be filled with happiness and excitement and love, yet here Hanna was, lonely, upset and bored. She started rummaging around in her cupboards, looking for any hidden birthday presents from her Mum. She found a brown parcel, but inside was only layers of bubble wrap and packaging. Sighing, she moved onto the next cupboard. Hidden right at the back at the cupboard was a lone bottle of whiskey. Hanna's stomach roared. Her throat was burning with desire for the sweet liquid, and she wanted to drink it so badly. She may as well; nobody was around to stop her.

She pulled the glass bottle out and sat it down on the table, searching in the cabinets for a glass. She couldn't find one, and thought, screw it. Instead she downed it from the bottle.

The phone rang on the side table next to her, and Hanna reached out to answer it. The caller ID read as Spencer's house.

Hanna swallowed the alcohol, ignoring the intense fire in the pit of her stomach, "Hello?"

The person on the line wasn't Spencer.

"Hanna? It's Melissa."

Hanna took another swig of drink, "What do you want Melissa?"

"Is Spencer there? It's storming badly out there and she went to the hospital to get Caleb about three hours ago-"

Hanna was sure she just heard wrong.

"D-did you just say Caleb? No…no, Caleb's not in hospital, you've got it wrong."

The line went a little fuzzy, but Melissa's voice was clear, "He is. He was in a car accident the other day-"

Hanna tuned out to what Melissa was saying, shock riddling through her system. Or, maybe it was the alcohol. Caleb was in a car accident? How had she not heard about this? If he had been in Rosewood when it happened then she would have known, this town was small, people talked. But if she hadn't heard about it, then it obviously hadn't been in Rosewood. God, why didn't he tell her? Was he seriously hurt?

She realised Melissa was still talking, "-And Spencer went to the hospital yesterday afternoon to see him, and back again early this morning, but that was hours ago, and I know the discharging doesn't take too long, and there is this massive storm, but I'm worried. Have you seen her?"

Hanna's throat was raw. She tried to speak, but no words came out.

"Hanna? Are you still there?" Melissa sounded frantic.

"Yep, yep I'm still here," She tried to make her voice sound as normal as possible, "Listen, I didn't know that Caleb was in an accident, nor that Spencer knew about it, but I'm going to get to yours and we can figure out what to do okay?"

Hanna trembled as she took a final swig of the whiskey and screwed the top back on. She stashed it in her handbag and looked outside at the weather. It was still storming ferociously, and Hanna was kind of scared about going outside in it. She could also drive the back route to Spencer's, and she would be fine.

Melissa was still on the line, "Okay. Be careful Hanna, it's dangerous out there." And she hung up.

Hanna rushed upstairs and pulled on a pair of jeans and a thick jacket. She picked her favourite black boots to match and stormed out of the door.

* * *

"Okay, how long has she been gone for?"

Melissa looked at the clock on the wall behind Hanna. She had little worry lines etched across her forehead. Hanna didn't know she cared so much.

_I_"About 3 hours."

Hanna thought what time that would be, and where she would have been. Waking up alone on her birthday, that's where. Pushing the thought down the thought, Hanna brought herself back to the present. Spencer and Caleb were missing, that was what was important right now.

She was sat in Spencer's house with her sister, after taking the back route from her house to Spence's. It hadn't taken long- about five or ten minutes, but each of those minutes ticked by like hours until Hanna felt nothing but dull pain inside her, and a little nausea. She kept going over her fight with Caleb, trying to figure out if she had caused this. If she hadn't been so hard on him, then he would have stayed and he wouldn't have got hurt.

_It's hard to be the Caleb i used to be when I've been through so much_

_Is it hard to be around me? _Hanna had asked, and he had not replied. She could hear the answer in his body language, the darkness of his eyes, and the stillness of his face.

Melissa stood up and wondered to the kitchen, "Do you want a drink?" She asked, breaking Hanna from her reverie.

God Hanna wanted a drink all right, but not the kind Melissa was offering her. She nodded, "Water please."

"I called the hospital about half an hour ago, but there lines were dead. I think the storm has cut the line, and I can't get hold of Spencer."

Melissa handed Hanna the glass, and Hanna downed it thirstily. Her throat was raw and painful, like she'd been screaming the whole night.

"I tried Caleb's but its dead."

_Like he could be. _

She mentally slapped herself. What good was it doing by thinking things like that? It just made her more frantic.

"Look, I'm going to drive around and see if I can find them, you wait here and see if they come back okay? If you need anything, help yourself. Mum's upstairs as well." Melissa instructed Hanna, wrapping her coat around her jostling her keys in her hand. Hanna nodded and leaned back on the couch, listening to the door slam shut behind Melissa.

She closed her eyes and listened to the rain beat against Spencer's house. The thunder and lightening started now; sending large clashes and bangs cascading through Spencer's house. Hanna barely jumped as the lightening clashed right in Spencer's back yard. She didn't care. All she wanted was the sweet taste of her sorrows sliding down her throat, as she drowned herself in an oblivion of alcohol. Anything to numb the pain.

What a great birthday this was shaping up to be. Her friends had forgotten, her Mum was far away, her boyfriend was lost somewhere with her best friend, and she was stuck in an unfamiliar house with raining pouring around her.  
What was really bugging her, was that Caleb didn't call her; he called Spencer to get him. Did he not trust her enough? Did he not want her there?

Was this all because of that fight the other night? It felt like years ago, but Hanna remembered everything he said and everything he didn't say.

It was all too much. Everything was too much these days. She wasn't coping. She hadn't been for a long time now, but nobody seemed to notice.

Because that's the ugly truth isn't it: if it's not happening to them, then they don't care.  
Hanna was the one who was left behind, not Caleb. Hanna was the one who had to deal with all of this pain and unanswered questions, not Spencer. Hanna was the one who was drinking herself in oblivion and skipping meals, not Alison. Hanna was the one who left to deal with this mess, not Aria. Hanna was the one who was lonely and heartbroken, not Emily.

In the end, it was Hanna who had to fight her own battles. But it was just so goddamn hard.

Hanna heard movement outside, despite the rain rendering it hard to hear anything. She opened her eyes to see the barn light outside flicker on, then quickly off. Somebodies car pulled out of her driveway, before Hanna could see whose it was. She rushed up from the sofa, discarding her jacket and bag that she had left at the front door, and she pulled open the double doors that led out to her backyard. There was a hooded figure standing by the barn, with it's back to Hanna. Instantly, she froze. Was that A?

The rain was making it hard to see. She squinted through the storm to try to see who it was properly, but before she could, the figure moved into the barn.

Without any regards to her own safety, Hanna stepped out into the pouring rain. It rained down on her like a shower, water running down her back and soaking her within three seconds. Her hair became plastered to her head, and she felt her feet become drenched. A lightening bolt lit up the dark yard. Even though it was only about half 3 in the afternoon, it was already dark, due to the ominous clouds that were covering half of the East Coast of America.

The flash of lightening allowed her too see across the entire yard, even if it was for only two seconds. It was flooded in water, pools and puddles covering the grass in front of the barn.

Then, she heard another car pull into her driveway. Hanna whipped her head around just in time to see Spencer's dark car speed through the gates. It suddenly braked just a few feet in front of Hanna, and as she squinted through the heavy rain, she could just about make out Spencer's shocked face, and Caleb sat next to her.

* * *

She didn't stop to ask them where they had been, simply looking back to the barn. There was defiantly someone inside of it. Hanna wasn't scared if it were A. Right now, she would welcome a quick hit over the head with a flowerpot. It was going to be less painful than her talk with Spencer and Caleb.

Spencer's door opened, and she shielded her eyes from the rain, looking at Hanna.

"HAN!" She shouted, her hair already drenched. Hanna looked right through her.

"HANNA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Spencer waved her arms in the air, slamming shut the door and running through the puddles to get her. By the time she reached her, Hanna was shivering and Spencer couldn't tell if that was rain or tears streaming down her face.

Spencer rubbed her hand up and down Hanna's arms, "HAN! ITS POURING OUT HERE! HANNA CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

Spencer let go of her and ran back to the car, where Caleb was getting out.

"What is she doing?" he asked nervously. Spencer shrugged her shoulders, and Caleb could see the panic in her dark eyes.

Caleb ran over to Hanna, standing in front of her face. She looked so cold and wet, soaked through to the bone. Her clothes were clinging to her body, as was her blonde hair, which dangled in strings around her shoulders. Her eyes were distant and dark, and she was shivering violently. Caleb pulled off his jacket and wrapped it around her, pushing her towards the door. She kept her eyes locked on the barn.

"Hanna? Hanna? Hanna baby what are you doing out here in the rain?" He muttered into her hair, as he tried to get her across the backyard and back into the warm. Spencer was running towards them, pushing her soaking ringlets out of her eyes, "Get her inside!"

Caleb pushed Hanna towards the door, but she would not move. Instead she started to walk towards the barn, her feet trudging in all the mud. Caleb looked at Spencer in frustration, "What do you think I'm trying to do?" He yelled back.

Hanna turned to look at both of them, her eyes dead, "There's someone in your barn, and you two are arguing about this? Spencer it could be A."

A look of confusion flashed across Spencer's face, timed perfectly with another round of lightening. It splayed across the sky beautifully.

"Hanna! Don't go into the barn! Hanna-" Spencer groaned as Hanna carried on through the mud, determination set in her eyes. She wanted to confront whoever was in there.

"Caleb stop her, its people setting up for the party." Spencer whispered to him, as quietly as she could with out Hanna hearing. Caleb sighed, and ran in front of Hanna.

"Hanna, please. You're cold and wet, and your probably imagining things, just please, go inside!"

Hanna pushed him out of the way, "Don't you dare tell me what to do!" She yelled, suddenely filled with rage, for Spencer, for Caleb. Caleb threw his hands up in frustration as Spencer gave him a pleading look. He knew there was one last option before Hanna spoilt the surprise, and she wasn't going to like it.

"Hanna I'm sorry about this." He said.

"Sorry about what-"

Caleb cut her off mid sentence, as he picked her up and slung her over his shoulder like a fireman, running into the house. She screamed the whole way back, hitting out at his back until he dropped her gently onto her feet once they were in the dry safety of Spencer's house. It was dark inside, as no lights were working. The electricity had been cut by the storm.

"What," She snapped, pushing Caleb forcefully backwards, "the hell was that?"

Caleb shrugged off his jacket and trainers and pushed his hair out of his eyes. He was about to answer when Hanna's eyes widened, and she gasped.

"What happened to your head? Why is it bleeding?" She whispered, taking a small step forward towards him. He automatically reached up and felt hot blood seeping from his wound.

"Oh, it's nothing." He brushed off her concern.

"It's not nothing is it, if your head is bleeding." Her eyes moved down his body, until they reached his bandaged fingers, "And don't tell me that's nothing either."

Caleb's neck blushed, like he always did when he was confronted. He shifted from one foot to another, like a nervous schoolboy.

Hanna's eyes narrowed, "Oh come on! Do you seriously think I don't know about the accident?" She snapped.

A fleeting look of surprise burnt across his face, and disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. Caleb shrugged. _Again._

Spencer, who had just come back from the barn, flew through the door and into the dry, warm house. She pulled off her soaking jacket and hung it on the hook before walking in on Caleb and Hanna.

Hanna turned to her, "Fine, if you won't tell me, I'll ask Spencer"

Spencer pulled an apologetic face, "Yeah, about that…Hanna, I'm not getting involved. It's between you two, and please, try not to drip over everything."

Hanna couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Not getting involved? Spencer you went and saw him without telling me! You brought him back here. You are involved in this, so don't tell me that you're not!" Hanna yelled incredulously. Spencer took a deep breath and raised her hands in surrender. She had never had Hanna so angry with her before.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I got involved then, to bring him back to you Han. He called me. I couldn't exactly leave him stuck there could I?"

"No," Hanna said sharply, "You could have called me."

Caleb, who had been lurking in the dark kitchen, sighed, "Hanna, this isn't her fault."

Hanna turned on him, her face flushed, "Well whose fault is it then Caleb? Yours?" She jabbed her finger into his chest harshly, ignoring the way his eyes fell so intensely on hers.

"Yes." He bowed his head down. Hanna recoiled her finger; she hadn't expected him to take the blame that easily.

At this point, Spencer had managed to slip back out the door and run, or trudge, across the mud to get to the barn. She quickly pulled open the door, and slipped inside.

Hanna sighed. This was not how she saw her birthday turning out. Here she was, a soaking wet newly 19 year old, sat in a puddle of her own clothes, trying not to cry in front of the boy she loved. What a screw up she was shaping up to be.

"Where were you going?"

Her voice was so quiet that Caleb had to strain to hear it.

"Nowhere. I had no plans."

"Then why were you going?"

"To get some space."

Hanna blinked, falling down to the couch. She didn't care that she was covering it in water.

"From us?"

"No," Caleb shook his head, "From you."

She didn't expect that to hurt so much.

She pulled her straggly dripping hair off her shoulders and let it fall down her back. Leaning forward, she dropped her head into her hands.  
She felt the rush of air move past her as Caleb sat on the ottoman facing her, but she couldn't bring herself to look up at him. She knew she was about to cry, and she did not want him to see.

"Hanna, I wasn't running away. Please, you have to believe me, I wasn't running away again. I just needed some space from all of this shit. I was just going to- fuck. I don't know what I was going to do, I just knew that if I stayed here any longer I would have hurt you in the worst way imaginable and I do not want that. I know you must hate me for leaving again, but I promise I was coming back to you"

Hate him? She couldn't possibly hate him. She loved him too much, which was most likely her downfall.

Hanna rubbed her forehead. She realised she must look an absolute mess right now. The rain had ruined her hair, and make-up and she was still soaked through.

"I don't hate you. I could never hate you," She whispered, looking up at him. He looked revealed to hear her say that, like he had honestly believed she did, "I'm just sad that you think that running away is your only option when it comes to me."

"You c-can't seriously believe that I think that…do you?" His words failed him, like what Hanna had said had turned his world upside down.

She nodded her head slowly, biting down hard on her lip. Caleb ran his hand through his hair, making it stick up all over. Hanna had always loved it when his hair was messy like that. He looked sexy, which was frustrating because Hanna was trying her hardest not to just kiss him.

He sat back in utter silence, trying to put together the words to make this all better. Hanna realised they were soaking all of Spencer's furniture.

"I'm going to get a shower and change into something less wet. Care to join me?"

Hanna held out her hand as she moved towards the stairs.

Caleb looked at her oddly, "Hanna, I don't think that sex is going to fix this"

What?

Understanding what she just offered to him, Hanna tried not to laugh. Caleb's face was so shocked that she felt bad for laughing.

"No, no, no. I just meant…I don't know what I meant. Maybe you should also get changed?"

Caleb nodded, the confusion disappearing from his eyes. He stood up and moved towards Hanna, enveloping her in a short hug. He lingered a kiss on top of her head, then let go of her, his heart breaking.

She furrowed her brow and turned to watch him walk out the door, rubbing the top of her arm. She realised he was probably going back to his apartment. Grabbing her keys from the side, she placed them in the palm of his hand and smiled, before turning to go up the stairs.

"Oh and Hanna?" He said, before running out into the rain. His eyes were sad.

"Yes?"

"Happy birthday."


	19. Chapter 19: Surprise!

**A/N: SOOO SORRY all of these updates have taken FOREVER! Thank you all for your patience, and kind words!  
-Please review  
-Natalie xo**

* * *

Can't promise that things won't be broken  
But I swear that I will never leave  
-Sleeping with Sirens- If I'm James Dean, Then You're Audrey Hepburn

* * *

Hanna washed and dressed within 10 minutes, using all of Spencer's expensive conditioners and lotions. It didn't make her feel any better, or any less annoyed that Spencer didn't tell her. She wrapped a large towel around her and towelled her hair dry, leaving it wavy around her shoulders. She didn't want to look a state for when she next saw Caleb, but she didn't want to try too hard. Instead, she found a good medium and only put on the essential make up. After she was finished with that, she decided she looked decent enough to see Caleb again. The only problem was, was that all of Hanna's clothes were soaking wet, and now she had none. Spencer's stuff was all too posh for Hanna's liking, and most of it wouldn't fit anyway.

Somebody knocked lightly on the door as Hanna was adjusting the towel around her body. She made sure it was covering her, and then peeped around it.

Stood outside, with a bag in her hands, was Aria.

"Hey, can I come in?"

Hanna pulled back the door and let her in, locking it shut afterwards. Aria didn't look wet, just a little apprehensive. She was quite dressed up however, for a little visit to Spencer's. She had on a dark red velvet dress with long sleeves, a black leather jacket. Her hair was in a side plait, and she had dark eye shadow dusted across her lids.

"What's wrong?"

Hanna blinked, coming back to reality, "Why are you so dressed up?"

"Strict instructions from Spencer. Here." She thrust the bag into Hanna's arms.

"If this is some kind of game to make me forget what she's done then I-"

Aria rolled her eyes, leaning back on the counter top, "It's not." She cut Hanna off.

"Then why the bag?"

"Just open it."

Curiosity got the better of her, and zipped open the bag. Inside was a long black skirt with a split that reached from the floor to the thigh, a dark purple bra let and pair of studded black heels.

Hanna picked up the heels, admiring them, "But these aren't mine?"

Laughing, Aria pushed herself from the counter top and dragged Hanna into a hug, "Happy birthday!" She whispered excitedly.

"So… you didn't forget?"

Aria frowned, "No! Is that what you thought?"

"Well yeah! Nobody called, nobody visited. This is the first present I've got all day!" Hanna exclaimed, feeling a little happier that Aria hadn't forgotten. At least she had one friend she could rely on.

Aria looked as if she were about to cry, "I'm so sorry. I wanted to call, I just-"

She stopped, and then took the rest of the items out from the bag, laying them out across the wooden bench by the shower.

"Please, don't think that nobody cares."

Hanna offered her a small smile, "It's a little late for that, my birthday's almost over."

Aria nodded, understanding where Hanna was coming from. She knew she would feel the exact same way if it ever happened to her.

"Right, if you just put that on, then come downstairs, we have something to show you."

"I'm not really in the mood Aria," She said. Aria felt disappointment surge through her. Hanna was always up for anything. She loved surprises normally.

"Just put on the stuff and come downstairs." Aria repeated, "You wont regret it"

Hanna nodded, and shut the door behind her. She did as she was told, slipping on the skirt and heels. She felt a little better, being back in stuff a little girly, even if it was all dark colours and studs. She wiped a little purple eye shadow across her eye lids and patted down the fly away hairs.

Downstairs, Aria, Spencer, Emily and Alison were all sat in a huddle, discussing something in hushed whispers. Hanna glided down the stairs and stood at the bottom of them, waiting for them to notice her. Emily was the first to see her, breaking off what she was saying and running over. She looked beautiful, as always, dressed in bright playsuit, her hair tumbling over her shoulders. She handed Hanna a small parcel and hugged her tightly.

"Happy birthday!"

Hanna looked down and unwrapped the small brown parcel, unveiling a rose gold plated bangle.

"Oh, Em it's lovely, thank you!" Hanna smiled, slipping it onto her wrist. It worked perfectly with her outfit. Aria came up next, squeezing her hand and whispering a thank you in her ear. Hanna squeezed her small hand back.

Next was Alison, who quickly hugged Hanna and handed her a colourful looking present. It felt heavy, and when Hanna unwrapped it, inside was a big glass picture frame of the 5 of them, taken back before Alison went missing.

"It was from your 15th birthday. Remember? We drunk Ribena in wine glasses and you set up a treasure hunt all over town. One of the best parties ever."

Hanna remembered. She thanked Ali for the gift and set it down on the table. Spencer looked at her, a sheepish look etched across her face. Her brown curls had been straightened, and she was suddenly wearing a light blue dress and small heels. It was also dark outside, and had stopped raining. Hanna had believed she was only in the bathroom for a couple minutes, how could so much have changed in that time?

"Hey" Spencer said.

"Hey" Hanna repeated, "Don't you have something to say to me?"

Spencer's face fell. Next to Hanna, Emily rushed to her defence.

"Han come on, she was only trying to help him out. He didn't want to see you, and that's his fault, not Spence's."

Hanna shook her head, "No, I meant happy birthday"

Spencer glanced up at Hanna, her dark eyes full of apologies. Hanna slowly walked over to her and pulled her into a hug.

"Please don't ever go behind my back again."

She felt Spencer nod into her shoulder, and pulled back, a smile across her face.

"Where's my present? And why do I have to dress like this? Are we going to a photo-shoot or something? I feel like the Queen of England dressed up like this."

"Han, the Queen of England is old, and also a Queen. I don't you think you would catch her wearing a thigh split skirt and just a bra." Spencer said dryly.

The girls laughed as Spencer handed Hanna her present. It was a Chanel lipstick; the one Hanna was always going on about. It was so expensive and you couldn't even get it over here, it had to be on special order from France.

Hanna felt her stone heart start to fade away. They hadn't forgotten, they had all got her presents, and they were obviously going somewhere special. Why else the outfits?

"Spence," She breathed, "Thank you."

"It is my pleasure. A special birthday present for the special birthday girl. And, we all want to apologise profusely for acting like had forgotten your birthday today. It was horrible and you must have been so miserable."

Hanna felt her heart of stone slowly re-assemble in her chest, remembering how numb and alone she had felt this morning. She bit down on her lip, hard, trying to pick her next words carefully, so that the girls didn't feel too bad.

"It's not something I wish to re-live. And lets just leave it there-"

She trailed off, her eye locking on a dark figure outside by the barn. The same dark figure from before. Her fists tightened, and she hitched up her skirt, making a break for the back door. This time, she was not going to let it get away.

"Hanna wait!"

She ignored the frantic yells of her best friends, and set her eyes dead on the figure in the darkness. It seemed to catch her running towards it, and delved into the barn with a yelp.

If Hanna had been thinking properly, she would have noticed that there were suddenly an awry of cars parked in Spencer's drive, many more than a family of four needed. She would have realised that A never yelped, or dived so ungracefully into a barn. She would have realised that there were flashing lights inside the barn that quickly shut off as Hanna reached the door.

Her hand tightened around the lock, and she yanked it open.

"SURPRISE!"

Seventy or so blurred faces were staring at her, mixed with the bright colours of the balloons and banners and streamers. Hanna suddenly found herself wishing that it were A that she had been chasing. She would much prefer to have been stabbed in the chest with a pitchfork, than deal with this.

She turned to look back at Spencer and the other girls, each one, except Alison, beaming and smiling, feeling rather impressed by it.

"Well, Happy birthday Han! Enjoy your party!" Aria said, and she pushed Hanna inside.

Hanna plastered on a smile, trying to ignore the painful irregular beating of her heart. Somewhere in her head, she heard the warning signs: Get out get out now! But everyone was staring at her, and instead of feeling any faint glimmer of happiness or excitement, all Hanna could feel, was emptiness.


	20. Chapter 20: Kiss Me

You honestly believe you meant something to me?I thought you knew the game  
collect your shit, deal with the shame  
Emarosa-The Game Played Right

* * *

Caleb had seen the coldness in Hanna's eyes. He saw the darkness that flooded over her crystal blue irises the second she realised who was in the car.

The moment he saw her, standing statue still in Spencer's drive, he knew things were beyond repair. He had lied to her, and that was the one thing he had promised never to do again. Hanna, she was sweet and all, but she hated people who deceived her, who hurt her. She had a hard time forgiving people.

Spencer jumped into action without hesitation, running to Hanna in the pouring rain, with no regards for herself. Caleb sat and watched like the coward he was, as Spencer tried to talk to her. But Caleb knew Hanna. Those brick walls were up, and even the beating rain or stormy skies could break them down. He saw crack beginning to show, chips in her armour, and Caleb knew he should have been the one running to her, running to save her. But he froze.

She had looked so fragile, standing helplessly in the streaming rain, the small illumination of her body outlined between the occasional flashes of lightening.

He moved to her, touched her arms, rubbed his hands up and down to get her warm, but still she shivered, like even the comfort of his touch couldn't warm her. She was simply wearing a jumper and jeans, her hair matted to the sides of her chattering face.

He tried to say her name, to tell her everything he was feeling, tell her his pain, his struggles, his loss. But her name rose and died on his lips, and all he was going to say, had faded into the sounds of the rain.

* * *

Paige McCullers was leaning on the outside of the barn, sheltering from the drizzling rain in the overhang of the trees. In one hand she had a dangerously half empty cup of straight vodka, and in the other was a cigarette, close to burning out. Paige had started secretly smoking after her accident, leaning out of windows and escaping to the hospital roof. Now that she was out of there, she had one at every given opportunity. She leant her head back against the cool cladding of the barn and looked out into the darkness.

At that moment an explosion of music poured out. Paige glanced over to see the birthday girl herself, Hanna Marin, closing the door behind her, and breathing in deep breaths of air that smelt like nicotine and rain.

"Hey," Paige said. Hanna looked over to her with a bewildered expression, like she hadn't thought anyone would be out here. Paige didn't really like parties enough to spend more than ten minutes in them, and she had been dying for a fag anyway, so she slipped outside.

"Birthday girl, are you having fun?"

The look of emptiness on Hanna's face answered Paige's question perfectly. Instead of saying anything more, she handed Hanna the vodka and her cigarette. Surprisingly, Hanna took both, taking three long drags of the cigarette, and throwing back the vodka in a neat arc. Paige blinked; she must have had a lot of practice.

"Surprises aren't your thing I'm guessing?"

Hanna shrugged, mirroring Paige's position. She also leant her blonde hair against the cladding, and took a deep breath. Her breath smelt of sweet smoke.

"I just didn't want it. The party, the people, any of it. I appreciate it and all, but…"

She trailed off, her voice low and filled with tiredness.

Paige nodded. She stamped out her cigarette and pushed herself off the building.

"I'm glad you're okay." Hanna said out of nowhere.

"Are you okay though? You look as if you haven't slept in weeks, and I have never known Hanna Marin to go without wearing a skirt for this long, but it's happened."

Hanna didn't meet her eyes. She looked right out in front of her, imagining how different this day could have been. Paige slipped another cigarette into Hanna's palm.

"It's okay to be mad at the world Hanna. Just don't be mad your whole life." Paige said, and she left Hanna standing outside, wondering how different the past four months could have been, if Caleb had never left.

* * *

The party was in full swing when Caleb came back, dressed more appropriately. He had pulled on a simple black shirt with black jeans, but it was a huge improvement from before. His hair had started to get long again, and he itched to get it cut.

Everybody was dancing, the music and flashing lights creating a thrilling atmosphere around them. Each person looked as if they were enjoying themselves enormously, and one person in particular, who looked to be enjoying herself too much, caught his eye. Hanna, the same angry Hanna he had been yelled at by just two hours ago, was currently dancing rather provocatively on top of a table. Her hair was ruffled up, and even he could smell the alarming stench of booze on her. Caleb did have to admit; she looked seriously hot on that table, dressed in a revealing skirt and bra thing. She had a drink in her hand, and what appeared to be a cigarette in the other. Caleb frowned, since when did Hanna smoke?

Horny and drunk boys were milling around the table, along with a drunk looking Emily, who jumped up on the table next to Hanna. The boys were filming them dancing, and Caleb felt rage spark inside of him.

Then, Hanna's eyes locked on his, and she jumped off the table, ungracefully, which got her some booing and upset sounds from the boys. She ran straight into him, stinking of sweat, nicotine and alcohol, and swung her arms around his neck.

"My boy. Your mine, your mine, your mine," She kept saying in his ear, until he nodded and wrapped his fingers in her hair.

"Claveb? I mean Ca-lub?" She struggled to pronounce his name, and Caleb was surprised she even remembered it.

"Yes Hanna?"

"Why do t-fhey call a radio a-" She hiccuped mid sentence, "-radio?"

He spluttered a laugh, and kissed her forehead. She was so cute when she was drunk. He just wanted to take care of her.

"Something to do with radio waves and science baby."

She nodded furiously, "Oh! Science?" She sounded doubtful, "I hate sci-scunce. I suck at it!" She slurred. She loosened her grip around his neck, and smashed her lips against his. He was too shocked to react, and she pulled back quickly. He saw the way the light didn't quite meet her eyes, and the empty look in the dark blue outer sides. He saw the way her expression was unhappy, but she had forced a smile on it. His hands snaked down her arms and caught her wrists, and he felt the sharp jutting bones under his fingertips.

"Hanna-"

"Shhh! Don't talk. Just kiss me." She commanded, and he did as he was told. She lifted her head to meet his lips, and he kissed her gently at first, but his gentleness turned to hunger and his hands tangled in her hair, around her waist. He took of all the things he desperately wanted to say to her, and poured it into the kiss. Her hands pulled up his t-shirt, and she splayed her hand out over his chest. He deepened the kiss, and she moaned into his mouth, which spurred him on.

It was like the crowd, and everybody in the room had just disappeared, and it was just him and Hanna. Like it should be.

He roughly pressed his tongue into her mouth, and grabbed her waist tight in his hands. She gasped in surprise, and dug her fingernails deep in his back, his neck.

They both pulled back, gasping for air. Her face was flushed, and she was glistening with sweat and desire. Caleb wanted to touch her, to taste her.

He kissed her neck, her chest, his fingertips moving slowly to her collarbone. He could feel the sharp bones under his fingertips again, like a skeleton. Was she like this now, just skin and bones? She was thin, so thin and her bones stuck out dangerously, that it made Caleb feel wretched thinking about how she must have become so skinny.

He pulled back his mouth, and Hanna was staring at him with giving eyes. He read what was dancing inside of them, the first fire he had seen in her eyes. But before that, he needed to see, to check if she was all right. He slid his hands down her arms delicately, and she arched into him.

They had moved back against the back wall of Spencer's house, and Hanna was leaning against it, while Caleb shielded her body.

He brushed his fingers lightly over her stomach, and that's when his fingers found another jutting out bone. Her hipbones were so pronounced that Caleb had to bit his lip to stop from crying.

"How did I let you get this way?"

He breathed into her neck. The scent of her drove him crazy, but all of that was lost now. She was broken, and no matter how hard he could try, he would never be able to fix her again.

Hanna's eyes fluttered shut, and before they could open, he moved back, disappearing into the crowd.


	21. Chapter 21: Darkness

**Hello! Thank you for your review, i really appreciate you all for taking your time to write them. I Love hearing what you guys think, it makes me want to become a writer aha**

**Please review!**

**-Natalie xo**

* * *

How could you leave her she was perfect?  
Now all your dreams they reek of failure  
Still the older we get, the more broken we become  
Slaves- The Hearts Of Our Young

* * *

She found him upstairs, his hands rubbing his face roughly. His hair was a mess, a raven crows nest that Hanna wanted to run her hands through. But not right now, right now, she was confused. She watched him as he squared his fists and swung them at the wall, and she jumped as she shut the door behind her. He turned to look at her, and she saw with a heavy heart that there were tears streaming down his face, and the look of lust she had seen just two seconds ago, was replaced with pain. She walked the distance between them, reaching out her hand to calm him down.

"Caleb-"

He turned on her, flinching away from her like she was something poisonous, "Hanna don't."

What had changed? In the past three seconds what the hell had gone so wrong that he was now treating her like she was toxic. It had been perfect what just happened, something Hanna had been waiting for since the moment she saw him again. She knew that through these past couple weeks he had been back, something had been missing, and that something was sex. She missed the connection between them, the way he responded hungrily to her moans, the way he kissed her roughly and lightly all at the same time. She missed his touch. He had been so careful with her, like she was broken and fragile and any loss of control would result in her shattering to millions of pieces.

"Why don't? What happened?" She asked, scared to hear the answer. Hanna let her hands go limp at her sides, burning from where she couldn't touch him. She wanted to, so badly.

He looked at her incredulously, and Hanna saw the pure pain in his eyes as he drank her in. She felt the desire for her, and she didn't understand why he was acting like this.  
"Hanna, you have to realise something. I've been away for a long time, and I know things have changed. I've changed and you've changed."

All at once, it felt like somebody had just ran her over with a train. She took a small step back, disbelieving, "You don't want to be with me anymore?"

Caleb frowned.

"No."

"Oh god. I'm going to be sick."

The room began to spin, around and around and around. Hanna felt like she was tumbling through a black hole, never to land upon solid ground again. The stabbing pain in her chest let her know that she was breaking, breaking apart. The voice in her head screamed '_I TOLD YOU SO! I TOLD YOU SO!_  
Was this reality? Did Caleb really just say that he didn't want to be with her anymore?

"Hanna -Are you okay?" Caleb's voice was distant, and Hanna's eyes flew shut as he neared her. She couldn't be near him, not now. She couldn't bear to breathe in his angelic scent, or see the way his eyes crinkled as he looked at her; she didn't want to see anything.

His hand grabbed her at the waist, loosely, but it was enough contact to send Hanna into shock. She gasped for air, and opened her eyes.

"NO! I'M NOT OKAY! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M NOT OKAY? I HAVN'T BEEN OKAY FOR A LONG TIME CALEB," She yelled. Hurt flashed across his dark eyes and Hanna felt a twinge of pain in her chest as she saw it. But she was in pain, couldn't he tell that she was falling apart?

She tried to steady her voice, "I thought that when you come back I would hate you, and that I would scream and make you feel the pain that I felt because you deserved it. But then when I saw you all of that faded away and I knew that I couldn't hate you. I didn't say what I wanted to say because I felt bad that you were in pain. I didn't want to cause you anymore, so I pushed aside everything I needed to say to you and I let you back in my life, because I felt sorry for you, and I felt sorry for myself. I feel so deeply for you and I knew that if I caused you any more pain that I would just be hurting myself. But you were just touching me and holding me like you loved me Caleb, you kissed me and made a fire burn inside me and now your telling me you don't love me anymore? How the FUCK do you think I can be okay with that?"

He blinked, and Hanna felt her world fall apart. Everything she needed to say, everything that had been building up inside her, causing her to feel pain and anger inside her for so long was now out in the open. It should have felt amazing to be rid of that weight on her chest- but it didn't.

Hanna felt one hundred times more miserable than before. She sunk to the ground, her back against the wall, and sobbed into her hands. The tears were filled with rage and hurt and passion and Hanna felt like she was falling apart. All of things that had been holding her together had been spilled across the floor like water. They disappeared between the cracks in the floorboards, never to be seen again.

There was the sound of tears, like hers, heart broken tears, which made Hanna look up. Caleb was still crying, except this time he was actually breaking down, and he stood with his back against the wall opposite Hanna, his head in his hands. Despite everything she had just said, and everything she was feeling, she rose of her own accord and her feet started walking towards him.

"Caleb, please don't do this to me." She whispered faintly. He stopped crying abruptly and raised his tear stricken eyes to meet hers. His hands dropped from his face, and he sniffed.

"Do what Hanna? This is for the best. You and I both know that. Look at what I have done to you," He grabbed hold of her wrist and held it up to her face. She frowned, "Look Hanna. Look at your wrists. Look at the bones. Look at the hollows of your cheekbones, and the jutting out of your ribs. Look how fragile I've made you."

His voice cracked at the end of the sentence. Hanna shook her head, and pulled her wrist from his grasp. But he was stronger. He held on tight, digging his fingernails into her skin.

"Caleb let go." She said.

He did not. "Look Hanna. Look at you. You're wasting away. I did this. Me. You shouldn't even be able to look at me."

She refused to let this hit her. She refused to let him believe that he had done this to her. He was looking at her with cold eyes that dared her to fight him.

"Caleb stop-"

"HANNA LOOK AT WHAT I MADE YOU DO!" He yelled, and his grip tightened on her wrist. Blood started to seep out of the grooves he had made with his fingernails.

She bit back a frustrated scream. Somebody was knocking on the door.

"Hanna? Are you in here?"

It was Alison. Hanna recognised her worried voice. She glanced at the door and tried to make her voice as normal as she could.

"I'll be out in a minute Ali!" She said. Her voice was too thick, and she couldn't help the breaking in her voice as she answered her. Alison hesitated at the door, and Hanna could see the shadows under the door.

"Are you okay? Is something happening?" Ali sounded worried, and Hanna knew it was because she was scared. Ever since she had come back she fretted at every situation.

Hanna grimaced, "Yes. I'm fine and no, it's just Caleb and me. We're fine!"

"Okay, well hurry up. Everyone's waiting for you," She said, and Hanna saw the shadows move away from the door. She breathed a sigh of relief, turning back to Caleb.

His eyes were dark, and his lip was quivering, "You should go." He released her hand, and she bit down on her tongue as the pain from where he had gripped too tight surged through her wrist.

Hanna looked down at her wrist. There was a dark ring of bruises from where his hand had been holding on too tight, and a trickle of blood that was running down to her palm. She stared, wide eyed, as she looked properly at her wrist and saw the jutting curve of her bones. She saw what he had been talking about. She saw how refusing meals had changed her.

"Hanna, I'm sorry. All I seem to do is cause you more and more pain and I can't do that anymore. I care for you and you don't hurt the people you care for," He pushed Hanna's hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear, his fingers brushing across her skin, "I'm sorry" He repeated. Then he leant forward, and pressed his lips lightly to hers. She trembled as she felt the pressure of his lips against hers, but then it was over to quick and he was suddenly by the door, unable to look at her.

"But," She whispered, "I love you. Doesn't that matter?"

His eyes flashed, "I love you too Hanna." And he pulled open the door, leaving her standing alone in the room.

* * *

She sat on the windowsill, arms crossed defensively with her knees dragged up to her chest. Her heavy head was leaning on her arms, looking out of the small window in this room. She watched as strangers dribbled outside, tired from dancing and exhilarated from the atmosphere from the party. They dragged on cigarettes and laughed nosily and carefree into the night. Hanna wished she could be one of the girls in those strange boys arms, dressed in a short dress to impress them, watching with adoring eyes as they breathed deeply on their cigarettes and joked about. Those girls were vapid and pathetic, but right now, Hanna wished more than ever that she could be one, and escape this dull pain in her chest, that reminded her she was unfortunately still breathing. She hadn't seen Caleb since he had walked out of the room. She wasn't sure if he was still here, but he had taken away the freeing feeling of weightlessness Hanna had had before they came up here. She had been drunk and dizzy with laughter, even if it was empty and fake, but once she entered this room it all evaporated and she became undeniably sober. She watched as the people from outside all looked at the door, and stamped out their cigarettes. They all at once trudged towards the barn door and came back inside, and Hanna sighed. She would probably have to move now. Wiping away the tears from her eyes, and trying to compose herself Hanna let her legs dangle down onto the floor. She had kicked off her shoes before she climbed up, as they were rubbing her feet, so it was a shock as her feet hit the ice-cold ground.

"Han? You alright?" Alison was standing cross-armed in the doorway, looking a little lost and bored. She had pulled her blonde hair into a long braid down her back to get it out of her face.

Hanna offered her a small smile, "Yep, fine. I'm sorry I took so long, I just…" She dawdled with her words, and then sighed, as she couldn't think of what to say. Alison came into the room and shut the door quietly behind her. She sat down on the bed opposite Hanna, and fiddled the blanket across the single bed, twirling the fringing of it in her hands.

"I saw Caleb. He looked pretty angry."

Hanna's head snapped up, "Is he still here?"

To her dismay, Alison shrugged, "I lost him in the crowd. But he looked as if he had been crying." She searched Hanna's face, "Want to talk about it?"

Hanna pulled a face, "I wouldn't even know where to start Ali. It's been going so wrong for ages; I just couldn't admit it to myself. I wanted to be with him so badly."

"What's stopping you now?"

"Ali, I can't force him to be with me," Hanna said, "He's made up his mind, and I've got to respect that, no matter how damn hard it is."

Alison opened her mouth to say speak, her ocean blue eyes creased with sorrow- or was it pain? Hanna couldn't tell- but the door swinging open interrupted her.

"Han? Come downstairs please?" Spencer was all smiles and laughter as she burst through the door. She glanced between Hanna and Ali, and her face fell.

"What happened?" She asked.

Alison looked at Hanna, who smiled, "It's nothing. I was just telling Ali about My Mum," Hanna lied easily, "She's coming back soon, but it wont be till the day after tomorrow, as they want the storm to die down. I'm just a but disappointed that I don't see her that's all."

Spencer seemed to believe her, as she rushed forwards and grabbed both of them by their arms. She hauled them out of the door, Hanna first. She was met with cheering and singing, and as she looked down over the banister, she found herself staring into the eyes of every single person at this party, from Paige and Toby, to Ezra and even the raven-haired girl Emily was coaching. Sydney was her name, Hanna seemed to remember. Before she could even take a breath, Spencer pushed her down the stairs to the right of the room she had been in, and she almost tripped over the couple kissing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hey, quit it. Time for the birthday girl to have her cake, and eat it!" Spencer yelled, and everybody cheered. Hanna almost choked at the thought of cake. She didn't feel like eating at all. But every single pair of eyes was on her, and she fought hard not to blush.

"Go on!" Spencer whispered in her, and Hanna found herself on the small stage Spencer had managed to fight in the corner of the room. Her legs shook as she climbed up the three stairs, and searched in the crowd for the one person she hoped to see. But there was no dark familiar eyes staring back at her. She ignored the disappointment in her chest.

"Speech!" Somebody called out, and Hanna inwardly cursed this person. She wasn't sure she could even speak properly. Her eyes locked on Paige, who was holding up a glass to Hanna, nodding. Hanna smiled at her, and took a deep breath.

"Okay, first of all, I warn you. I'm not good at speeches. I may throw up, so be warned you guys in the front row. Splash zone." She joked, which awarded her a chorus of laughs, and some 'Ews' "But I just want to say a huge thank you to Spencer, Aria, Emily and Alison, for without them I would not have had such a great time tonight." Her breath hitched on the last part of her sentence, and she tried to cover it. She had become so good at lying.

"And a thank you to all of you tonight for actually showing up. So I hope you all enjoyed yourself, despite this storm, and help yourselves to cake, that is if there is any after Emily gets her hands on it!" Hanna laughed.

An unsteady Emily, who was leaning on Toby and Spencer, raised her hand, "I'll admit it! I like cake!"

Hanna smiled at her, as Aria and Ezra came up to her, holding a huge cake with the words 'Happy birthday Han!' written on it. She gasped, and pulled both of them into a quick hug. "Thank you" She whispered in Aria's ear.

"BLOW THEM OUT!" Somebody else yelled, and Hanna let go of Aria, looking down at the cake. Everybody began to sing, and Hanna bent down, moving her hair out the way of the candles.

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you Hanna!"

She blew them out; the small flames disappearing into the air.

"Happy birthday to Hanna! Hanna! Happy birthday to you!"

And that's when she saw them, those dark chocolate eyes that started a spiral of dread inside her. They were watching her from across the room, and she wondered how she managed to miss them in the first place.

"Hanna?"

The singing had stopped, but she hadn't realised.

"Hanna? Hanna are you okay?"

The world slipped out from underneath her. The darkness had come.


	22. Chapter 22: Falling Apart

**Bit of a angsty chapter coming up here- brace yourselves!**

**Please review!**

**-Natalie xo**

* * *

I lost my heart  
my home is the ocean  
the waves underneath, will soon be my home  
-Sleeping with Sirens- Don't Fall Asleep At The Helm

* * *

Caleb had not wanted to come back here. In fact, he almost point blank refused to enter the building, until he realised that he was being selfish and pathetic and he should just get the fuck over it. Then, he followed the paramedics through the glass doors.  
He had been here just earlier today, anxious to get out. He hated hospitals, just like Hanna did. But this was the best place for her.  
It hadn't changed much; the storm blowing over and only wrecking a few roads was a godsend to everybody in need of getting to the hospital. But the looks on the nurses and doctors faces were different. They were pained and stressed, which was a huge change from before. Before they were calm and composed. Caleb wondered what had happened in the short time for that to change.

As soon as he entered the reception, he realised why. It was filled with angry patients, some with broken arms, or bruised heads, other unharmed and wanting to get home as soon as possible. Caleb looked at them, each one a mirror of the face before: stressed. He watched as Fathers cradled their broken boned child in their arms, girlfriends wiping the blood from their boyfriend's faces. He thanked god he was not one of them.

In the ambulance over here, the paramedic looking after Hanna –Spud, his name was-, had informed him that she was in a critical state. Her blood pressure was too low, as she was not getting enough sugar, and her heart may be in danger, as she had very low potassium levels, which causes heart dysrhythmias. Caleb had looked at him like he was speaking French.  
"Heart dysrhythmias? What-what does that mean?"  
Spud looked at him, "It means that she has an irregular heartbeat. She is also classed as anorexic, and her heart condition, at its most critical times, can result in cardiac arrest."  
So as soon as they arrived at the hospital, and rushed Hanna inside, they were taken straight to Darwin ward, which specialised in rehabilitation.

Caleb sat outside the room, with his head in his hands, as they tried to bring Hanna out of unconsciousness. Her pulse had been study, but irregular. Her heart beat too fast, and she was dangerously on the verge of becoming tachyacardic apparently, as the nurse had informed him. He had recognised her from before, when she had treated him. She was sweet.

He messed up. This was his fault. If he hadn't pushed her, hurt her on her birthday then none of this would have happened. She wouldn't have looked at him, and then collapsed to the floor. She wouldn't have been limp in his arms as he yelled at someone to call an ambulance. She wouldn't have looked so peaceful in the ambulance, so peaceful that it scared him.  
He stupidly broke it off with her, using the excuse that he had made her skinny =, he had made her underweight and on the edge of her life. He knew it wasn't that at all. But he just couldn't admit it to her. He loved her too much to show her how broken he was.

"Caleb!"  
Aria was running towards him, a huge fluffy coat wrapped around her shoulders, and an overcast expression on his face. He looked past her, and saw the rest of Hanna's friends behind her, Emily looking regrettably sober and Alison with tears in her eyes.  
"Hi Aria." He muttered, feeling too weak to even speak. He was scared for her life. He could not go on without her.  
"How is she? Do you know anything yet?"  
Seven sets of eyes were on his, Toby and Ezra now joining them. He watched the way Toby wrapped his arm around Spencer protectively, to comfort her, and his heart screamed for Hanna.  
"She's got a low blood pressure, an irregular heart beat and is anorexic. They er… I don't know what they're doing to her." He admitted, trying not to cry. He refused to cry in front of everybody.  
"She's anorexic?" Emily breathed, "I mean I knew she hadn't been eating much but I didn't realise she was anorexic…"  
She looked to Spencer, who had the same surprise look on her face. None of them, including Caleb had known. How could they? Hanna was so secretive.

The nurse came out of her room, the same sweet one from before. Caleb jumped up, and when she smiled at him it didn't meet his eyes.  
"This is your Hanna isn't it?" She asked quietly. Caleb nodded.  
"How is she?" Toby said, rubbing his hand up and down Spencer's arm. She too had pulled on a coat.  
The nurse looked at each of them, her face showing a look of fleeting recognition as it passed Spencer, "I don't want to lie to you, it doesn't look good. I'm sorry. She's showing signs of malnutrition. Her heartbeat has become very irregular, and she is still unconscious. She collapsed because of being very stressed out."  
Caleb felt his body give out. He slumped back against the cold chairs, staring dead centre in nothing. He wanted to scream, shout and punch a wall. He wanted to take away all her pain and put it in him. He wanted to help her.  
"This is my fault." He whispered.  
"No! No its not!" Spencer argued. Emily fell into the seat next to him, and rubbed his shoulders friendly.  
"If it's anybody's fault then it's mine. I threw her this party, I made her go up on stage and talk to everyone. I lied to her, I did this," Spencer cried out, and she turned her face into Toby's chest. The nurse sat on the other seat next to Caleb and brushed her hair out of her face. She had kind eyes.  
"Do not play the blame game. It has probably been building up for a long time. It is nobody's fault."  
But Caleb knew she was wrong. They were all wrong. It was his fault. He wasn't about to let Spencer beat herself up over this.  
"No, Spencer. It was me."  
Next to him Emily sighed, "No Caleb. It's not!"  
"Yes! Okay, it is!" He jumped up from his seat with everybody staring at him, "I broke it off with her okay? Before you gave her the cake. I broke up with her because I had caused her too much pain and now I just caused her even more!"  
"Hey, don't-" The nurse started, but then her beeper went off, and her face turned white.  
The door behind her, Hanna's room, burst open, "Nurse Maggie, defibrillator now! She's gone into cardiac arrest!" Another nurse yelled.  
Nurse Maggie gave Caleb one last apologetic look and rushed back into Hanna's room, each of her friends, including Caleb on her heels. Caleb felt dizzy, he felt fearful and most of all he was scared out of his mind.  
Through the window of her room, he managed to see her. Amongst all of the nurses and doctors, he could see her lying still on the hospital bed, her chest exposed except from her bra. She looked peaceful, her eyes shut and unmoving. Her blonde curls were spread about the white pillow as she was floating in the water. Except that she looked scarily dead in the water.  
The doctors were rushing about her, and he watched apprehensively as they slapped down the two red pads on her smooth skin and pressed the machine thing to her body. She jerked upwards violently, then back down. Nothing. Someone had gripped his shaking hand in theirs. When he tore his eyes away from Hanna's still body, he saw Emily, tears spilling from her cheeks, her hand in his. He liked that Hanna's friends, who she cared about and vice versa, also cared for him. It made him feel like he wasn't alone in this.

They pressed the machine to her body again, looking worried.  
Her body jerked up again and then back down. She was still motionless. Caleb felt his body break apart one by one. First his arms fell from his body, and every other body part.  
Again they shocked her.

Again nothing.

Again Caleb willed himself not to cry.

One of the nurses nodded her head towards the window where they were all watching with wide eyes. Another nurse ran towards the window, and all of a sudden the blind were closed, blocking off Caleb's view of Hanna.

He looked down at the floor. That was when he saw his heart, squished amongst the rest of his body. He had fallen apart. There was nothing left.


	23. Chapter 23: Resurface

**A/N: This is it! The final chapter of I Still Feel Her! I'm so excited for you all to read it!  
-Please Review!  
-Natalie xo**

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Her touch still moves my hair the smell is so faint but it must be the one.  
her touch still moves my hair.  
my bones ache from the cold.  
No one could predict that I would ever get this far (for so long)  
-Emarosa-I Still Feel Her

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It was like being drowned in water, except she was still breathing. She could feel the rise and fall of her chest, but her lungs were filled with liquid and her throat tasted of salt.

The light was above her, hazy through the water. She could reach it, if she tried. But she was tired and weary and all she wanted was to let the water soak into her skin, and banish anything that reminded her she was still breathing. Breathing through corrupted lungs, and still she could see the light. It was taunting her, shimmering, and she reached her hand up to the surface, trying to reach it. Her hand came into contact with something cold and hard. Ice.

Her heart beat faster now, and she pushed her heavy body through the water, until her head broke through the surface and she felt the cool air across it.

She bolted upright, the sheets a tangled mess under her legs. She was sweating, breathing heavily again and again and again, but her chest did not rest. It rose faster and faster-

"Hanna? Can you see me? It's me, it's Mum."

-A freezing hand touched her bare arm, sending goose bumps and shivers down every inch of Hanna's body. Her eyes came in to focus, and she saw her Mum, frowning over her, her red hair pulled into a bun on the nape of her neck.

"Mum! Your back!"

Hanna threw her arms around her mother, and then winced as a sharp pain ignited in her chest. She clamped her hand against it, as if to calm it down, and released her Mum from her grasp, "You came back for my birthday."

Ashley shook her head, "Hanna sweetie, it's not your birthday. My flight was cancelled remember, on your birthday, and I flew in two days later. Do you not remember?"

Hanna blinked, and then slowly nodded. She remembered the party, remembered the storm. Then, she remembered Caleb's words. She shivered, and Ashley thought she was cold, and began to wrap her blanket over her bare arms.

"Mum, where am I? What day is it? How long have I been asleep?" Hanna asked. Ashley chewed on her lip, picking her next words carefully, "You're in Rosewood Hospital and you collapsed. It's Saturday Hanna; your birthday was on Tuesday. It's been four days. We didn't think you were going to wake up."

"We?"

Ashley nodded, "Yep, me, Emily and Caleb."

Caleb? But he didn't care; he had made that perfectly clear. But she seemed to remember a distant dream. She was in a strange room, or place, and there was a man dressed in green suit and the sound of a siren screaming. She remembered Caleb's hand gripping hers.

"Mum-"

"Your awake!" Emily spotted, a smile spreading widely on her face as she elbowed the door open. Caleb was behind her, not meeting Hanna's eyes.

"Yeah, I just woke up about a minute ago. Are those donuts? I'm starving." Hanna was staring at the package in Emily's arms. It was Krispy Kreme, Hanna's favourite kind, though she hadn't eaten any in a long time. Her stomach rumbled under the blanket, and she threw Emily an 'I told you so' look. Emily laughed, and scrambled onto the bed next to her.

"I'm so glad your okay. We were so worried. Spencer was going out of her mind, Aria can't sleep, and Caleb hasn't left your side-" Emily stopped abruptly, and glanced at both Hanna and Caleb, who both looked very sad. She cleared her throat, and opened the pack of donuts, as Hanna's doctor came in.

"I don't think that donuts are very nutritional Emily, she needs proteins and vitamins, not fats." He said sternly, but he was smiling at Emily, "Miss Marin, how are you feeling?"

Hanna looked at this person she did not know, and wondered how it was funny that her family and friends had placed so much trust in this person, to save her life.

"I'm fine." She lied. The pain her chest had gotten worse, since Caleb had walked in the room. Hanna stole a glance at him. He was leaning against the window from her room, biting on his nails and not meeting Hanna's eyes. She felt like screaming, look at me!

"Well I'm glad. Any pains? In your chest at all?"

Hanna hesitated, "It feels tight around my heart."

The doctor nodded and scribbled on his clipboard, "It will feel uncomfortable for the next few days, as the lasting effects of the defibrillator can vary on different people."

"What's a defibrillator?" Hanna said, "That sounds scary and like heart stopping or something." She joked, but the look on her mothers face told her different. Emily's hand wrapped around hers, and she squeezed it for comfort. Hanna sat up a little straighter in her bed, pulling her knees to her chest.

"No Hanna," He shook his head, "quite the opposite actually. It restarts your heart."

"My heart _stopped?_"

Slowly he nodded, and pursed his lips. He wasn't old, but not that young, and his sandy hair was sprinkled with grey flecks. His eyes though, were very young, and very blue. If the situation had been different, Hanna would have found herself giggling over him with Aria.

"Miss Marin, you collapsed due to low blood pressure, malnutrition, and an irregular heart beat. All of these factors were triggered by stress, and a build up of stress over a long period of time can cause defects to our bodies. In this instance, you collapsed, and went into cardiac arrest. You were tachycardic, and we had to re-start your heart. The effects of this have yet to wear off, as you have been unconscious for four days."

Hanna blinked in shock. She was finding it hard to process all of that information at once.

Next to her, Ashley stood up from the chair and followed the doctor out of the room, quietly clicking shut the door behind her. Caleb was still leaning on the windowsill, his face emotionless.

"Em, could you give us a minute please?" Hanna said quietly. Emily nodded, and wrapped her arms tight around Hanna.

"I'm so glad your okay. I'll come back later with Spencer and Aria and Ali okay? We'll bring videos and magazines." She carefully untangled herself from the bed, and moved to the door, "See you later Caleb."

He offered her a small smile, "See you."

Then it was just Hanna and Caleb left in the room.

She felt her heart beat quicken, which she wasn't sure if that was dangerous, as Caleb plonked himself down in the seat that Ashley had been occupying.

"Hi."

Hanna raised her eyebrow, "Hi? That's it? I should be expecting a song and dance."

Snapping his head up to meet her eyes, Caleb looked confused. Hanna shook her head quickly, "Never mind. It was a joke."

"Jokes aren't really appropriate here Hanna."

"Then what is?"

He shrugged.

"Caleb? What you said, in the barn..." Hanna started, but quickly shut up as Caleb's face turned sour. His eyes clouded with darkness and he started to run his hand through his hair. Hanna knew him; he was annoyed, or upset, or all three.

She licked her lips nervously, changing the conversation, "What about donuts? Are they appropriate in this situation, cause I want to eat one."

"For fuck's sake Hanna," He exclaimed angrily. He flew up from the chair and began pacing around her room.

"What did I do now?" She threw her hands in the air, just missing the light fixed on the wall by her bed. What was going on with him?

He looked at her like she had just asked if the capital of America was Texas.

"I was worried sick about you! Do you realise what I went through? I thought you were dead, I thought t-that I had lost you."

Her breathing hitched. Suddenly she felt very angry with him.

"Why do you even care anyway?"

Caleb stopped dead in his tracks.

Hanna narrowed her eyes at him, "I would have thought you would have been pleased that I was gone. Save you the trouble of dealing with me." She tried to make her voice sound harsh and cold, but the end part came out as a whisper. She willed herself to stop crying.

"Hanna-" He choked.

"No Caleb. You broke it off with me remember, and-"

"Shut up and let me talk!"

The room became silent, Hanna's chest deflating as she stopped chattering and curled her knees tighter to her chest. Caleb looked small, leaning on the end of her bed as if standing was too much for his body to bear.

His hands curled around the white metal frame of the bed, his knuckles becoming white. He was looking at the ground, and his raven hair had gotten long around his neck again. She wanted to pull his body against hers, but that was not an option.

Blinking fast, she turned her face to the window to stop herself from crying in shame in front of him. She didn't need his pity, she needed his honesty.

Outside it looked about late afternoon. She wondered how much she had missed in the past four days, whether the storm had ruined anything in Rosewood, whether she had any presents from the party, and whether Caleb had even left this hospital.

"Okay. Go ahead and talk." She whispered, her face still turned to the window. She heard the slap of his shoes against the floor, and the weight of his body climbing onto the end of her bed. He leant his back against the metal frame, despite Hanna knowing how uncomfortable it was.

"Hanna, look at me."

It should have been a command, but it sounded like pleading.

She slowly turned her head away from the window, and forced her eyes to meet his. He was beautiful. It made it hard to be mad at him when he was so beautiful.

"I care about you," He confirmed, "I love you."

Her squeezed shut as he said it, the brutal honesty of his words too much for her.

"I cannot believe you thought I did not care. Why do you think that I broke it off with you? I'm trying to save you this pain, because I care. I hurt you so badly, I bruised you and twisted you and broke you apart and I am so sorry for all of that. But I didn't want to do it anymore. I didn't want to hurt you because I care about you more than I did myself. It may not seem like it but I do, I really do. I love you so much Han, and I couldn't stand to see you become like this, this person that is hardly you anymore. I-In Ravenswood, it was easy to lose myself in that place, because I had so much to do and so much to sort out. I locked away any feelings I still had for you and I tried to forget it all, because I knew that if I let myself live in the past, it would consume me. But then I finished with that place, I left those people behind and I found myself coming back to you, to my home. And I didn't get to tell you this but I was lost. I was so scared and lost and hopeless because I thought you hated me. I thought that when you saw me you would turn away like you never knew me, and that thought killed me, because I couldn't stand to not mean anything to you anymore. Not while I felt so much for you. And I was reliant on alcohol and drugs to keep me unconscious, as I believed I could escape you then. I thought that in my sleep I could forget you and move on like you did, but you dug your way into my dreams. I saw you, I felt you everywhere I went. In my veins, in my mind, in my apartment. And then you really were there, at my door and you slept in my arms and I couldn't believe my luck."

"But you Hanna, you were always meant to be with me. No matter what, you are supposed to be with me. I broke it off because I'm not good enough, and we were going in circles. We had the same fight again and again, and I tried to run away again. But there is no point. Cause I always end up with you. And then on your birthday, you collapsed, and I thought you were gone. I saw my heart on the floor and I hated it. I love you Hanna, and I'm not scared anymore. I feel you, I still feel you."

The last part came out in one big breath. He was staring at her with wide eyes, waiting for her response.

She fidgeted in her place, and then deflated, her breath escaping past her lips. She still felt woozy; the effects of her four-day sleep still wearing off.

"Hanna please say something."

She scoffed, and wiped her nose on the back of her hand, "What do you want me to say? I'm sorry you feel like that? I can't help the way you feel can I? Do you want me to sit down and sing you to sleep while you forget anything ever happened?"

"Hanna?" Caleb blinked, "What are you talking about?"

"I don't…I mean that your trying to make me feel bad, for not hating you?"

"No! I never said that!"

She untangled her legs from her chest and let them fall to the bed. Her legs kicked at him as she did it carelessly, "Caleb, that is essentially what you just said!"

He shook his head violently. Hanna noticed the light catch his thin scar above his forehead, from the car crash a few days ago.

"Hanna, you're twisting my words. I'm trying to say that I cannot live without you, and that I'm sorry for everything-"

"You don't need to keep apologising. I forgave you the minute you came back. I forgave everything thing you did." She felt like screaming.

"-Okay, but I'm trying to say we can't keep going in circles and I don't want that as a relationship. I want to work things out, but we can't move on from this if all that happens is we drag up the past. It's not healthy to you, as you are clearly unwell. What more do you want me to do? I'm trying to figure this out…all this shit, but what I really want is for us to start again."

Hanna's head flew up, "What do you mean?" She whispered, scared she already knew the answer, and she didn't like it one bit. She shrunk back into the bed, until she was as far away from him as possible. Caleb, ignoring this, reached out and took her small hand in his. They fit together perfectly.

"Start over. Like try to put all of this behind us and start at the beginning again. We can go on dates and it would be like when we first started out. Please say yes Hanna. I c-cant live without you." He whispered, looking at her under his long eyelashes. She was slowly breathing in and out, but it looked like even that was effort for her. She did, however, look a little better than before. The fading afternoon sun had got a little colour back into her cheeks, and the bags under her eyes were reduced, like that four-day sleep had given her some rest.

Sensing him staring at her, Hanna moved back over to him, resting her head softly on his shoulder. It was a small act of love, but Caleb knew how much it meant.

"No."

Caleb stopped breathing,

"No?" He managed to choke out, starting to push Hanna off him and get up from the bed. She shook her head, tugging him back to her, moaning at the loss of comfort.

"I mean no I don't want to start again."

Caleb became rigid in her arms, his hands falling to his sides. He wouldn't look at her.

"I don't want to forget this Caleb. Yes, this is a bit of a rough patch, and it wont be the only one, but I do not care." She held his face in her hands, "It's what shapes us. This rough patch defines our relationship, whether we give up and forget, or we move past it and become better as a couple. It makes us stronger. One day, when we're lying next to each other one night wondering where our lives went, I want to remember how we overcame this, how we got past this because we loved each other," She was crying now, tears streaming down her face. Caleb's eyes were locked on hers, and he wiped away her tears with his thumb, "I do not want to loose this, any of it. You mean so much to me and I'm going to get better, for us, and for you. I'm doing for our relationship. I' going to over come this demon inside of me and I hope you can help me, because I do not want to start again. I c-cant start again, please don't ask me to do that, because it will always be no."

She brushed a small kiss on his collarbone, resting her head there. He smelt so familiar to her, like home. Hanna breathed in the scent letting it fill her head until she became dizzy. She could feel him breathing, feel the way his chest rose and fell. Her hands danced up his chest again to his face.

"Caleb, is that okay?" She asked, rubbing her thumb across his stubbly cheeks. The silence was killing her.

"If I say yes, will you get proper help? And let the doctor's help you get past this, because you are anorexic Hanna, whether you want to admit it or not. We need to get you better."

Hanna nodded, a smile spreading across her face.

Giving in, Caleb nodded at her, "Then okay, "He said, and then he leaned forwards and kissed her delicately on the lips.

§

5 months later:

The town at Christmas was beautiful. It was Hanna's favourite time. Somebody had wrapped delicate fairy lights around every lamppost in Rosewood town, and hung them across the streets, so they dangled down like fireflies against the night sky. It hadn't snowed yet, but it sure was cold enough for it. She was wearing her favourite bright pink coat, her new brown boots and this amazingly fluffy scarf she found in the back of her Mum's wardrobe. She was cosy, waiting outside on the cold chairs of the Brew for everybody to turn up. She was the first here; despite thinking she would be the last.

From where she was sat, she could see up to Caleb's apartment, his dark shadow moving about in the light. She considered going up stairs to his, to wait in the warm, but she liked sitting out under the stars. It was calming.

She was waiting for everybody to turn up: Aria and Emily, Spencer and Toby and Alison, and of course, Caleb.

"Han!"

She dragged her eyes away from the night sky, in time to see Aria and Alison running up to her, bundled up tight in their coats and scarves. Behind them Emily was laughing with Toby and Spencer.

"Hey!" She exclaimed excitedly, and rushed up from her chair, being pulled into a tight hug by Aria. She wrapped her arms around Aria's neck- it helped that Aria was so small- and squeezed Alison's hand over her shoulder. She hadn't seen them in a long time, after spending four long months in a clinic in Philadelphia that specialised in eating disorders. She was now much better, almost back to her normal weight. She felt so much happier and full of life. Nobody except her Mother was allowed to see her in the clinic, in case of a trigger cardiac arrest from stress or unhappiness. It had been an extremely stressful time for her, but now she was okay again.

"You look amazing!" Alison gushed, as Aria let her go. Hanna blushed and looked away. She wasn't so confident as she had been when Alison left, but it was slowly coming back to her. She hugged Emily, Spencer and Toby, who all told her she looked so much better.

"Shall we go in?" Emily asked, the rich smell of cinnamon coffee enticing her. Hanna glanced up to Caleb's apartment, where the lights had been switched off. His door opened, and he walked out into the cold night, his black coat wrapped tight around his body. Hanna felt the rush of exhilaration the moment she saw him, and her heart skipped a beat. She smiled, and quickly looked at Spencer.

"We'll meet you inside okay?" Spencer smiled knowingly, and they all went into the Brew, closing the doors behind them.

Hanna stepped off the pavement and almost broke into a run to get to him.

He was smiling widely, and he wrapped his hands in her hair and tight around her waist, pulling her close to him. He forcefully kissed her head, kissing all of her face until his lips met hers. Hanna let go of all her anxiety; this was more than she could have ever dreamed.

"I'm so glad your home!" He said against her mouth, "It was torture being without you for so long again."

She kissed him roughly, "I missed you so much."

"Please don't leave again." He begged, and she giggled into his mouth. He placed his hand on the back of her neck, deepening the kiss. Hanna saw stars, the bright Christmas lights floating above her.

"Oh god Hanna," He moaned, "I love you."

She laughed, the sweet melody of her laugh echoing around the streets, "I love you. So much."

His hand travelled down her body, down to her bum, gripping tightly at it.

"Do we have time, before we have to go and meet them?" He grinned.

Hanna shook her head disappointedly, "I don't think so. But after…?"

"After. Defiantly." Caleb said.

They hadn't started again. They didn't forget the past. Caleb had left her. She had been through a dark time.

But none of that mattered anymore.

She was finally happy, and that was all the mattered. Him and her. Caleb and Hanna, forever.

The End...

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**End Note:** Omg! Finally finished this fanfic after several months! i can't believe it, i finished my first ever fanfic. I just want to say that I am so thankful for all of the reviews and favourites and follows that this story has recieved. All of the support you guys gave me is what encouraged me to carry on writing, and this will not be the last one, hopefully!

Thank you Thank you Thank you!

I love you all!

-Love from Natalie xo


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